I am there with you. My DD either feeds to sleep (doesn't work as often these days), stays with us until 9 or 10 or 12 and she finally crashes, or we try to settle in the bedroom and we get crying etc that goes for hours. i don't have any ideas cos i haven't been able to make it any better here.
Hugs to you....soo hard. If I find the magic answer I will let you know (if only it were so simple!)