Crying himself to sleep

[Life is Good]

This is more a question of how common this phenomenon is rather than asking for a solution because, believe me, we have tried absolutely everything!

Our Monster is almost four months old and pretty much from about week 4, he has cried, kicked and thrashed around when trying to go to sleep. Regardless of whether he is in my or DH's arms, being bounced while held, in his swing, in his bouncer, in his cot, on his side, tummy, or back - he cries. A lot. Sometimes he gets absolutely hysterical! The only place that he doesn't cry himself to sleep is in his carseat. Occasionally, he will fall asleep on the bottle and then we can put him to bed without a screaming match.

We have taken him to numerous doctors and specialists and have had him tested for a variety of possible health issues and everytime he gets a perfect bill of health. He does not have reflux nor silent refux. He has no hernias and is not teething. He is a healthy, happy boy until he goes to sleep! It is as if he just hates the process of falling asleep.

We are going on a long haul flight at Christmas and I am already having nightmares about it! But that is another post for another day

My question to you all is do you have a baby that does this? When did they eventually learn to go to sleep without crying?

[didispunk]

I havent had this problem but since taking the dummy off DD and bottle, She cries for a couple min and then off to sleep..

Initially she screamed but now all good! so they do learn!

[sneakysparkle]

Is it possible he's overtired? I know with DD#1 she used to do this when she was past it.

youre doing a good job Sam, hang in there!

[Jas]

Hi,

I know u said not looking for a solution but I agree with Sneaky that maybe he is overtired and you could try putting him to sleep a bit earlier? I know my boys only cry if they are overtired.

I hope that this does pass for you and that your flight is an easy one!

[Lolli]

My ds used to do this- cry himself to sleep no matter what we tried, then he'd be overtired because he couldn't get to sleep, so he'd cry harder

It eased up at about 9 months, I'm sorry to say.

[[M]umma[M]ia]

is he wrapped? mayb he feels more secure in the car seat?

[Fruit Tingles]

My DD did this, so we worked with it. It was so stressful, but it eventually stopped!

[Life is Good]

Thanks so much for your feedback everyone.

We stopped wrapping our Monster at 6 weeks because it became a "Battle of the Wraps" each evening. He would crack it big time if he wasn't absolutely fast asleep before we wrapped him. If he woke and found out he was wrapped he would houdini his way out of it, waking himself up in the process. I think he likes the carseat simply because of the motion of the car. When he is in the pram he will go to sleep only if I am pushing it. If I stop to look at something in the shops he will start whinging and eventually crack it then. Needless to say, I do most of my shopping online

As for the overtired thing, I got the Brisbane Baby Whisperer out to help us (I know many people on here don't approve of her techniques, but she was really helpful in teaching us how to read our boy's sleep patterns and needs) identify the early tired signs so as to avoid him getting overtired because then the crying turns into sheer hysteria. So now I think I know him pretty well and try and catch him in time before he gets cranky.

LoriRae and BabyDesigner, it is really great to know that I am not the only one out there that has a bub that does this. It is so stressful and emotionally-draining. I often feel like I am trapped in my own home simply because the stress of him getting tired, unsettled and screaming non-stop while out is just too much for me to deal with a lot of the time (lucky I am a homebody so it isn't too bad, but it is still restricting).

DH and I have gotten as used to his crying ways as much as any parent can get used to their child crying (which is not much!), but there is additional stress when people who are not used to it come and visit and / or babysit. I try to explain that it is just his way, but I can't help but feel judged (probably just in my head, but anyway). Family in particular seem to feel this need to try and help / try different things / make suggestions. I always tell them to go ahead and give it a try and that if they find a solution that I will be eternally indebted to them. Needless to say, nobody has ever been successful...

Thanks again x

[westy]

Oh Sam, i am sorry to hear you are going through a rough patch with your little man.

I have had the odd occassion when my boys would cry themselves to sleep but it was more due to the fact that they were over tired , it never went on for long periods of time though. I hope your able to find the reason behind why your little man isn't liking going to sleep, in the mean time you are doing everything you can. Take care xo

[Lolli]

DH and I have gotten as used to his crying ways as much as any parent can get used to their child crying (which is not much!), but there is additional stress when people who are not used to it come and visit and / or babysit. I try to explain that it is just his way, but I can't help but feel judged (probably just in my head, but anyway). Family in particular seem to feel this need to try and help / try different things / make suggestions. I always tell them to go ahead and give it a try and that if they find a solution that I will be eternally indebted to them. Needless to say, nobody has ever been successful...

Thanks again x

I got this too, especially from well meaning IL's. It really upset me at times- they seemed to think that they knew something about my child that I didn't, if I would try *insert something I've done a thousand times here*, everything would be fine.

I know how very stressful and isolating it can be. I wish I had more advice for you hun. Hang in there- as you know, there are good days and bad days, and it will pass eventually

[Life is Good]

Westy and LoriRae, thank you both for your kind words. We are actually really blessed that, besides the crying to sleep, our boy is just such a healthy, happy and relaxed little fellow. That is what we try to focus on to get us through the going-to-sleep episodes

[Megsy]

OMG, this sounds like my baby girl! She is 6 mths old and has been doing EXACTLY the same since 4 mths of age.

Just yesterday I took her to the GP and there is nothing wrong with her - she just hates sleeping but I know she really needs it as she is rubbing her eyes etc and when she does eventually get to sleep (this morning was a record - 3 hrs!) she stays asleep for about 90mins or more.

As an example, this morning she was only awake for just over an hour after about 11hrs sleep overnight (with 2 feeds) and then I thought I would start rocking/patting/singing/generally 'loving' her to sleep BEFORE she got tired, but to no avail!

That's why I'm on here now - I'm also looking for the answer... She is a lovely baby and is so happy when not tired/overtired but really tests my patience at nap times!

[Life is Good]

Hi Megsy

So sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Our nurse explained something to me that really helped me make sense of what I see as totally unfounded crying. She asked me to imagine being really tired and trying to go to sleep and someone constantly getting in my face, trying to hush, rock or pat me to sleep. She asked me if any of those things would help and I said no, they would probably just be annoying. She said that with some babies that is exactly the problem - they are tired and want to go to sleep. Very often they are crying because they feel horrible because they are tired and that they are not crying because they want cuddles or to be patted. This is why, even if I rock, pat or cuddle our Monster it doesn't stop him from crying. If anything it prolongs it. So whilst I understand the philosophy behind "never letting your baby cry", it doesn't apply to every baby. I personally don't see the benefit in keeping my baby awake, screaming, by holding him vs putting him down, letting him cry for 1 to 15 minutes and then him going to sleep. Just my opinion, but with babies like ours, more often than not, the patting, rocking and cuddling is just to make mum feel better.

Having said the above, it doesn't make listening to it any easier. I just remind myself of this and each time I want to go in and comfort him I ask myself if I am doing the comforting for him or for me.

I hope things improve for you - you have my sympathy! x

[Lolli]

Sam, I actually think that's very sensible. Personally, I think you're aiming to cause the least amount of distress to your baby- if putting them down causes less tears and screaming then holding them, then I think you're doing the right thing- something I wish I had figured out at the time.

[westy]

Sam, wow that does make alot of sense. It could be that all the extra attention is actually causing him to cry more as he is so tired and is over it and just needs to go to sleep.

How's things going today?

[Life is Good]

Westy, since I have been implementing that thinking and letting him go to sleep by himself, things have improved. We still have our good and bad days (don't we all?!) and the afternoon are always a challenge. Today has been good and being the recipient of such kind words from the ladies that have responded to my thread also makes a big difference x

[Megsy]

Unfortunately if I let my little girl just cry in her cot, it eventually escaltes into screaming. I'm actually not opposed to a bit of crying - before 4 months she was pretty good at getting herself off to sleep and staying asleep without the use of any aids (no dummy, no patting, no rocking etc) and I put it down to the fact that we let her cry and then sleep in her own time (within reason of course). But since she turned about 4mths old and become more alert, this is when everything changed.

Anyway, to test out your suggestion, I have let her play then I gave her a huge breastfeed and then cuddled her UNTIL she started rubbing her eyes. That's the exact moment I put her in her cot (I usually breastfeed and cuddle WHEN she starts showing tired signs).

She is currently in there grizzling away while I write this and try to distract myself. Only time will tell if the grizzling gets better or worse. Oh dear, I think it is getting worse right now. I feel as though I did all the 'right' things early on and now all that hard work is wasted. I feel so inadequate.

[Life is Good]

Oh Megsy, you are not inadequate! I am so sorry that my advice didn't work for you. I know how it is when you grab at any strategy or suggestion just in the hope that you can stop the crying. I also know how it wears away at one's confidence when one can't settle one's own child, hun Some days I get so very down about it. You just always need to remember that you are a good mum and we are all just doing our best. I really hope you find something that works .