Do most partners get up at night to help?

[*Ang*]

DH and I are firm believers that parenting is a "shared" thing and not just for all the fun, happy, positive times either. He has always gotten up during the night to assist and still does now - DS hasnt slept through since 6 months old so we take it in turns to get up for him every night. We wouldn't survive otherwise. When I was B/F both children it WAS harder for DH to help out and truthfully I didnt expect him to do too much at that point. Upon saying that he would get up and bring the children to me if I was exhausted or didnt hear them and he would also change their nappies before the feed. This of course was not very single night but I could certainly say he shared the parenting duties.

I know of other couples tho where the working partner refuses to get up during the night or the at home partner refuses to let their partner get up, mainly due to the "guilt" factor. It works for some people but that doesnt work for us.

Sorry it all just sounds like excuses to me. You are definitely not expecting too much of Shel. The more time your partner spends holding and caring for the baby the easier it gets for both of them, it's how the bond forms. I didn't know how to get up, feed, hold, change, whatever my baby until I learnt by doing it. Yeah it's hard work and it's tiring and it's the last thing you want to do in the middle of the night, but really the first year passes so quickly and it's time that you never ever get back with that little person.

Have to agree with all of this.

[Gigi]

DH and I are firm believers that parenting is a "shared" thing and not just for all the fun, happy, positive times either. He has always gotten up during the night to assist and still does now - DS hasnt slept through since 6 months old so we take it in turns to get up for him every night. We wouldn't survive otherwise.

I know of other couples tho where the working partner refuses to get up during the night or the at home partner refuses to let their partner get up, mainly due to the "guilt" factor. It works for some people but that doesnt work for us.

Have to agree with all of this.

me too.

my partner gets up every morning at 6am (leaves house at 8.30am). He never uses this as an excuse NOT to attend to bilby when she needs us during the night.

He values me breastfeeding our child. He realises how tiring BF-ing, so he gets bilby up, changes her if she needs and gives her cuddles, brings her to me, keeps her cuddling if i have to go to the loo before i can feed her, brings me a drink if i need one. (this is all offered, i don't ask). DH is not perfect and is really slack in many ways, but we went to a Parents breastfeeding education session run by Aust BF Assoc, and it was heavily stressed, that the support or lack of support from the bf-ing paren'ts PARTNER is a high indication of how long BF-ing will go on. So he heard it from people OTHER than me, how important his role was. ANd he's taken it to heart i think.

our child is nearly 23 months and usually wakes once or twice during the night for a feed. No way could we have kept bf-ing THIS long without a combined effort between us. We also agree on attachment parenting. His first wife used Controlled Crying and that upset my dh so much (he coudln't stick to CC).

i hate asking my dh to do stuff (cos he never remembers what i ask) so if he didn't do this stuff, i would find it very difficult to ask.

I don't think it's JUST changing a nappy and cuddling, i think these things are a constant repetitive and very needed things for a baby to receive on a consistent basis - knowing their needs will be attended to as needed. So i see what dh does as very important.

our baby is usually awake from 6.30am, dh cares for her from then until he goes at 8.30am, so i can sleep longer.

a supportive partner can also help you cope with PND. I have NO clue how single parents cope! as much as my partner has his flaws, there are some things (listed above) that i am so grateful for - i realise not every mummy has that level of support.