Do most partners get up at night to help?

:hug: Leasha...
We were fortunate enough that my DH was able to take 4 weeks off when DS was born. Our routine for those first 4 weeks was, DH would get DS when he woke, I would feed him, DH would then take him and burp him so I could go back to sleep.

Now that DH is back at work, and he has a varied roster, our daily life is different.
If DH has worked a dayshift, where he gets up at 4am, and gets home at 7pm, he is still cooking some meals, especially on the days where DS has been a velcro baby. DS is still in our room in his bassinette, so when DH is on dayshift, I get up to him, but DH has on the odd occassion got DS and handed him to me, even though I don't expect him too.

On nightshift, DH gets up around 4pm, and gets home from work around 7am. Most of the time he will look after DS so I can have a quick shower in the morning, then he goes off to bed himself.

On DH's RDO's, he will usually get up to DS, and hand him to me. He usually doesn't burp him during the night anymore, but even just him getting DS and handing him to me for a feed...well it's nice.

Hope you can sort something out Leasha

Nic

Leash, I'm another one who is probably guilty of 'Shel-bashing' - sorry if that is how you feel. :redface:
And the Bear usually doesn't get up in the night, but so far our DD has only been waking up once at night and usually falls asleep within half an hour of finishing her feed (touch wood she keeps doing it!) so I haven't had too much trouble coping with the night shift. But the other night I did ask him to do the night shift cause I was getting ratty due to having broken sleep every night. He agreed (after a little coaxing) and DD (daddy's girl that she is LOL) did her trick of sleeping from 11 to 5 am so it wasn't a big deal in the end. But he does heaps of other things - like cooking dinner 99.9% of the time, taking DD for long walks, looking after her for a whole day so I can get my hair done, sending me to the shops on my own while he looks after her, doing nappies, baths, settling, getting up at 6 and entertaining her for as long as he can so I can sleep longer, and tag-teaming with me when she is being impossible. We were doing that yesterday and I was the one saying "she doesn't love mummy" because he was better settling her than I was! But the point is we worked as a team. It's just about getting the help and support you need and working together as a team. I hope you can talk to Shel and work out a way that it works better for you. I think your Baby Buddies are just concerned that you aren't getting the support that you need and deserve. You are doing a great job but you shouldn't have to do it alone. Big hugs :hug::hug:

Marydean,I totally agree with you,it`s a shared commitment from both parents not just one.My hubby also holds down a job and works long hours,but he gets DS up and helps me out with night feeds and nappy changes,even paces the floor as bub is teething,just so i get a break,we share our roll as parents and that`s how it should be.

Yep, he sure does. I don't want to offend anyone here, but any partner who says "but I work all day" is kidding themselves that they've got the hard end of the bargain. I used to have a highly stressful, highly responsible job where working 70 hours a week was not uncommon. And I'm telling you now, that's a walk in the park compared to this mummy gig. As a mother you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. No lunch breaks. No tea breaks. No annual leave.

It is harder when you're breastfeeding but it doesn't make help impossible. DH used to get up and give DD#1 a bottle of EBM. Since DD#1 and now DD#2 are on bottles we alternate - one of us is "on call" from when we go to bed until 5.30 am. Either baby wakes up, that person gets up and deals with them (EBM can be used so no excuse re breastfeeding - otherwise, just settling etc). Come 5.30 am the other one takes over. This gives each of us a "sleep in" every second day and every second night while sleep may be disturbed with baby monitors going off, you don't actually have to get up. The pay off for my DH being this involved is that his daughters absolutely adore him and there are very, very few occasions when DD#1 needs her mummy, as opposed to simply needing a parent.

And one of my biggest ever peeves is when a partner says "I've fed her/bathed her/settled her for you". Sorry, but they're not doing it for me, they're doing it for their child!! You choose to parent together. Its 50/50 and that includes the nasty stuff as well as the gorgeous stuff.

My Dh doesnt get up to bub, infact he wakes me at 6am when he is leaving for work and asks me if lachlan woke during the night.

It is better now as he has been sleeping through, but it was ever so hard when he would wake and feed for an hour at night, my DH would lay there snoring, sometimes i wanted to belt him. It would have been nice if he could just lay there and talk to me. So i know how you feel Leasha

Its hard now as he is working very long hours 6 days a week so barely sees the kids. I was the same at first thinking i had to do everything as he was working and was tired from 12 hr days, but then i thought hang on im looking after our 2 older children plus bubs 24 hours a day, i need a rest too.
So i had a chat with him, and now when he comes home he gives me at least half an hour to go and disappear and have the shower i might not off had all day etc.

sending you big hugs:hug:

When DS2 was first born, we both got up during the night. DP would change his bum, while I got the bottle, then I'd feed him.
Once DS2 started sleeping during the night and would wake around 6 or so, DP didn't think he'd get up and help anymore and just left it all for me. I kinda told him off one morning while I was half asleep, and since then he does the morning feed, sometimes he lets me sleep through it and does it all himself, or we both do it together - one feed, one change.
My DP tries to pull the "He doesn't settle for me" card, but I'm just like "You'll be right. Keep trying." then if it goes on for too long and they're both getting fed up with each other I'll step in.

I hope she starts pulling her finger out and helping you. :hug:
You might just have to try and say something.

Btw, LuluB - My DP says that too about changing/feeding/etc for me. It p!sses me off.

DP used to get home from work and cook dinner, change a nappy, give DD a bottle and I would think "wow, aren't I lucky, he gets home from work but he does all this stuff."

Now I've gone back to work and let me tell you doing those things after being at work all day is A PIECE OF CAKE. It really is, compared to doing it at the end of the day when you've been up from 6am.

Look, I've cracked it lately. DP is a shiftworker so often goes to bed at 3amish so goes to sleep in a separate room so he's not woken up at the crack of dawn. Fair enough, he needs his sleep especially as he's a train driver so can't be sleepy at work.

But he's been on leave recently while I'm still working and was still going to sleep in a separate room. Came up with all the excuses in the world. I know it's really because he doesn't want to be woken up by DD in the morning because she still sleeps in our room. So two can play at that game, I've said what's good for the gander is good for the goose so I've told him I'm sleeping in the spare room for the next month and he can get up to DD every morning.

I'm on Day Five so far. No surrender. Funnily enough, DP is going to bed much earlier these days after spending all day with DD.

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Sorry, but they're not doing it for me, they're doing it for their child!

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Great point LuluHB, I was going to say that - DH doesn't take her for a walk or give her a bath for me, he does it for her, because she's his baby girl and he adores her.

DH used to get up when they were tiny but then he slacked off. he makes up for it by getting up most mornings so that I can sleep in.

XP didn't do a night feed until DD was 4.5 months old and i'd left him and he had an overnight access visit. If he didn't do it no-one was going to. He was terrible. He ONCE took responsibility for her overnight and that was because i got out of bed one night at about 1am and said "I can see men in the room. I know they are not real. I'm on the verge of psychosis. I'm going to the spare room. DO NOT bring her to me before 4am". To be fair, he brought her to me at 4.15am, when she woke for the boob.

He wouldn't ever get up even to change her, and to give you all a decent perspective he didn't HAVE a job at that point. He had 2 weeks paternity, 5 days back at work and then lost his job. He was at home all day and he did sweet FA. The day he found out i had feelings for someone else DD was 8 weeks old. He became father-of-the-year overnight (though still did nothing for her overnight) which lasted about 2 weeks. It took him that bit longer to grasp the fullness of his responsibility in the situation, and i think he STILL doesn't feel so heavy a responsibility as i do.

So since she was 4months i've had no help overnight. DP has expressed shock at the way it was with XP, but words are easy so i'm not 100% that he'll be leaping out of bed every 2 hours for 12 weeks either.

I have one friend who had a useless partner and she got through it in what i think is a clever way. SHe bought very good barrier cream (equivalent of $14/100ml), put 3 thicknesses of nappy on the baby (was a cloth-bum baby) and NO-ONE got up to change in the night. She just sat up, fed, lay down (they co-slept or had baby in a cot butted up against the bed). The only time she got up to change was if they had a rash (and we compared notes, my DD was changed every feed and had ONE less episode than her DD in the first year), and then she did it once a night.

DP has a very demanding (intellectually) job and i know he won't do too well on sleep-loss, and it will be his wages which allow us to buy a house, and for me to stay at home with the babies, so my plan is to do what my friend did. DP has to get up at 6 to get ready for work, so he can change the baby then, and we'll see how we go.

:hug: Leasha the other night DD was crying from a bad dream at about 3 and i went in to her. I was in bed with her, cuddling and shushing her and she murmured "mama's here, mama's always here". I wouldn't have chosen to do this so alone, but i can't say i regret it too much now either.

Bx

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:hug: Leasha the other night DD was crying from a bad dream at about 3 and i went in to her. I was in bed with her, cuddling and shushing her and she murmured "mama's here, mama's always here". I wouldn't have chosen to do this so alone, but i can't say i regret it too much now either.
Bx

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Oh boy, this bought tears to my eyes....I am sooo tired....LOL

That is something I forgot to mention too Leash is that I only ever change DS overnight when he has pooed. He is in disposables (huggies - don't know if that makes a difference), he has had nappy rash maybe twice & only for a day or so I put on some lanolish stuff you use for your nipples & works a treat. I know when they are little they do poo overnight but that should settle soon. I stopped changing him overnight cause it would wake him up & make it harder to settle. Now he wakes up, I put him to the boob asap & he goes to sleep drinking, most times he doesn't even open his eyes.
Hope you sort out a compromise soon :hug:

Thanks for the replies everyone :) Was having a pretty cr@p morning yesterday, after an even more cr@p night. Today I feel less like the world is ending (even though Jazz didn't sleep until 11pm last night, and has slept only about 15 minutes between 8am and now... almost 4 hours awake, what a record!), and I caught some pretty sute smiles on camera so even when she's screaming bl00dy murder, I still have her smiling at me (set one as my desktop photo hehe), so it doesn't seem quite so bad.

And hey, last night I learnt how to cook lots of new things at 3am thanks to Austar LOL! It's easier for me to feed in the lounge room than in the bedroom because Jazz usually likes to chuck a party and stay up, so I get up, change her, get a drink and watch some TV til she settles.

Our anniversary is tomorrow, and my birthday on Monday so HOPEFULLY that means some kind of help from Shel. If not, some serious discussions on Tuesday.

I read a few articles on here, realised I am probably expecting her to be a mind reader. Well, no, to me the things I need are just common sense obvious things, but I guess maybe Shel doesn't realise. We haven't really talked about what would happen if it was the other way around, although we have discussed, sort of, me going to work in 12-18months time and Shel staying home so I guess maybe I can start by talking about that and what she see our roles as being. I mean during her time off she constantly played the playstation/DS/Wii so even though she was home I don't think she fully comprehends how full on it actually is. Especially now Jazz needs heaps more interaction than she did in the first few weeks.

I do get she probably has some things going on with her, not sure where she fits in the parenting thing, being the non-bio mum, but its frustrating that instead of jumping in, shes backing off and getting me to do it instead. Suppose I should bring that up too.


LOL Mel, I know, you're just looking out for me :) Making sure I don't wreck any of my pots or pans hitting her over the head with it PMSL.

ruf,

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And every night, I say to DS, as I kiss him goodnight,... please let mummy get some sleep tonight

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well at least i'm not the only one!

pixie, its ok not upset at you guys lol :hug: like I said, you're all just wanting Shel to buck up so I don't ruin my cookware hehe.

Aw Bec

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Leasha the other night DD was crying from a bad dream at about 3 and i went in to her. I was in bed with her, cuddling and shushing her and she murmured "mama's here, mama's always here". I wouldn't have chosen to do this so alone, but i can't say i regret it too much now either.

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Made me cry too :( Definately all worthwhile :)

Just wanted to ay *biiiggg hugs* yes they should all be helping out! No excuse! Already told DP that baby #2 if/when happens all the pooey nappies are his and his alone! Mwhaha, will last all of 2 days I'm sure :). Stay strong and keep the lines of communication open

DH has never gotten up overnight.

At first, DS was all mine at night. DH slept on a campbed in the nursery so DS and I could co-sleep and that was great.

10 months later I was back in the bedroom and up with DS every time he woke, but no night feeds. This went on until about 13-14 months, when I made DH put DS to bed some nights and actually help on the really bad ones.

Now, I usually try to let DH sleep. But if I've been up more than an hour, or if I'm knackered and this is wake-up #3-4, or if it's after 6am, I kick DH out of bed to help (sometimes, after 6am, DS comes in with us and chats then runs off to play - but that's DH's choice because he whinges when I made it!). If he's had a really bad day or is having a busy week or I'm OK with it then I don't, but usually once a week he's out of bed helping me. I nearly did last night but then remembered just how much of a state DH was in, but I did wake him up at 11.30 just because... he could stay in bed but I wanted him awake for it!

We agreed on this, pretty much. While I was BFing it was only fair I was up all night. If I'm struggling DH will help. But his work is waaaay more important than mine (he's responsible for planes; if one crashed because he said it was air-worthy and it wasn't because I made him get out of bed then that's a big thing to live with) and I cope with lack of sleep more than DH - and yes, we knew this pre-baby.

We are equal parenting, just about, now. But that's OK, I wanted to have a baby more than DH did at the time and now DS is a toddler DH is enjoying it more. Sure, the split is maybe 65-35 with me doing the most, but then I work part-time atm so we both think that's fair. Pooy nappies are split equally too, DS makes sure of that (he prefers DH to change a poo when he's around LMAO). DH also does one early morning a fortnight so I get a lie-in, usually after a bad night at the weekend. But as I said, he needs more sleep than I do so that's fine with me.

lol.. not at all in our house. DH sleeps through it all. DD has slept through from 4 weeks but DS is up every night without fail and DH doesnt even hear him through the baby monitor that is right next to my side of the bed. But.. i get up because he goes to work. On his days off, if i wake him when DS wakes or back when DD was waking he will get up to them, but yeh otherwise.. its all me :rolleyes:

DP never gets up for DD, but luckily (I'll jinx myself now) Ash sleeps through and dream feeds without properly waking up. He never got up for Jayden either until I was pregnant and I got the $hit$ for him not getting up. I don't expect too much when he's working the next day (although I still had to get up to Jayden when i was working FT, pregnant, looking after the house etc) but I do expect him to do something on the weekends (rarely ever does though!).
So Leash big :hug: for you, you are not alone! Hope things improve for you!

Hubby was home for the first 2 weeks and got up with me for every feed. Once he went back to work I told him not to bother, because I didn't see the point to it - Oliver is BF so there wasn't much he could do but sit there and watch me feed for an hour. Oliver refuses a bottle and I hate expressing anyway so that was out. However, hubby has a pretty flexible work arrangement and was able to get up with Oliver in the mornings and take him to the living room to let me get an extra hour or two's sleep if I'd been up a few times..

Its rare now that Oliver wakes up but when he does I bring him into bed with us and we co-sleep. Hubby does the bath every night and will happily change nappies both wet and pooey. On the evenings when its 11pm and Oliver will not got to sleep for all the BF's in the world and I've had it I go to bed and hubby cuddles and rocks Oliver to sleep. So while he didn't/doesn't get up, he does other things to help.

I will say, he found it much easier to relate to Oliver and found it easier to help after 12 weeks. That's when Oliver became more interactive and they really bonded. Before then he was very quick to fob Oliver off to me claiming he needed a feed.

DH gets up, but he deals with lack of sleep better than I do. He has always found it easy to roll over and fall asleep, while I toss and turn for ages. I do hear Em first though and while I am still half asleep I will nudge him to make sure he hears her, but he doesn't mind too much.

Leash, Definitely tell Shel how you feel, and that you would like some help. The only way to learn how to settle a baby is to do it. If all else fails and Jazz is taking a while to settle, you can say that Jazz doesn't like you and wants her other mummy ;)

Hang in there hun, it is a long and exhausting road, but you will reach the end.

When our DS was born my DH (God bless him) would get up change his bot bring him to me and I would BF him and then DH would resettle and put him back in his cot. I had a CS with Ewan and DH took care of me wonderfully. With DD things were different! I get up to her and always have done. having said that since I went back to work (about 3 months ago) DH does her firat wake up call (about middnight) and then I do the rest. Sometimes it's once at about 4am and sometimes it's 3 or 4 times.
Its hard when you are BFing. I believe your bub smells your milk and feels more relaxed and comforted by that smell so will usually settle more easily. this naturally leaves the partner left out a bit and that's what generates the "she doesn't like me" thing - I got the same.
Hang in there once Jazz is a bit older, interacts more with her little world Shel will feel more involved and part of "it".

Hi-my DP was actually pretty awesome with this (though admitedly we bottle fed after the first couple of weeks)/ With DD we alternated night time feeds and changes, and it was a godsend for me. Even now that she's 2, he's the one that goes to her on the odd occassion where she wakes through the night. When I was bfing, dp tended to get up with me as I struggled to get her attached by myself, so he'd help me with that, then do the change and settle her. Pretty lucky, I know :) Hoping he's as good the second time around..

Leash we are not a good example if you are looking for ammo!

DP didn't ever get up when she was tiny. Ever. That said, I never asked him to. 2 1/2 years later I can distinctly remember each and every time he has ever gotten out of bed when needed: 1. She threw up while sleeping between us and he took the sheets off; 2. She was crying for a drink (while between us) and he went and got her a drink of water (plenty of grumping at me involved); and 3. two nights ago when she wanted a drink but didn't want me to go, so said "Daddy will get it" (;) well done child!).

Mostly I don't mind as it doesn't happen much and generally he has to go to work the next day while she and I can sleep a bit longer. When I know I have to get up to go to work as well or I'm sick, then there's no sympathy.

:( nope, but its okay now i guess coz Isabell wakes up once and thats around 4am-6am and then is down straight away til around 9:30am, that is if she doesnt sleep thru.
I do miss my sleep ins...ill let ben sleep in some days, depending on the time, even though i feel like jumping on the bed saying "Get up! Get up! Get up!" If its not too early then ill go in after feeding Isabell and wake him up and all 3 of us have a little cuddle for a bit.

My Dh doesnt get up to Aiden, nor do i expect him to. Whilst i agree that parenting is a shared responsibility, my DH's responsibility is to earn money, which thus enables me to be a SAHM, and in turn, give Aiden the best care possible.
Occassionally, if Aiden is having a bad night, then, i will wake DH up to take over, and generally, just the calmer parent generally does the trick pretty nicely.
My DH works 6 days a week, is a supervisor in a tilt up concrete construction company, works at heights etc, and i would hate for him to have accident or to inadvertadently (sp??) cause an accident due to being over tired. My theory is i can always have an early night, or, sleep during the day when Aiden is asleep.

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My Dh doesnt get up to Aiden, nor do i expect him to. Whilst i agree that parenting is a shared responsibility, my DH's responsibility is to earn money, which thus enables me to be a SAHM, and in turn, give Aiden the best care possible.

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huh....you stole the exact words from my head. I could prob count on one hand the amount of times DH has gotton up for our 3 girls....although if i have had a bad night Dh will let me sleep in on his days off

I have to disagree with you Debbie. My DH works and brings in the money but I work and raise our children while he's doing that. Being a SAHM as you know is not sitting watching tv and drinking coffee all day. Also while I agree work safety is important, my "work safety" includes not falling asleep while driving my DDs around

all i can say is... I WISH

DH seems to be an extremely heavy sleeper. When DD cries he doesnt hear it at all!!!

In the beginning sure, he would change her nappies and put her to sleep, now I dont even remember the last time he changed her nappies, infact, im pretty sure he hasnt realised I changed to MCN!

I got really angry at this too and I said to him that it was his loss from bonding with DD!!!!!

So for that day he did a few extra things like feed her, but after the one day of talk, back to the old useless DH who just plays his computer games!!!

You're not alone =)

At the start with our little ones, I didn't get up at night. We rarely had to change them over night - didn't find we needed to, they seemed to poo at mostly socially acceptable hours - and as they were BF, Victoria always said there was little point in me being awake as well.

I used to get up with them in the morning and take them out into the house so that she could sleep.

When we had to put Olivia in formula, I started getting up in the night, and haven't really stopped since. I'm sure with #3 we'll go back to Victoria getting up for night time feeds.

:hug: Leash, I don't think it matters what other people do. If you're not happy with how things are, then you and Shel need to talk and work something out. How about you get a weekend lie in? (where Shel brings bub to you, you feed, and then Shel takes bub while you go back to sleep) Or express for weekends so you can sleep through one feed?

My partner would get up, grab bub, sleep while I fed, then take bub back, change him and put him to bed. He probably didn't help as much with our first, but that's cos I could nap during the day with only one baby. I can't now, and things are very equal this time around.

That's just how our relationship works though, through discussion and negotiation. Other people's relationships and arrangements work differently. You have to figure out what works for you guys, what you both can be happy with.

I have not read the other replies...
My experience was that DH got up almost exclusively for the first 6 weeks or so, and would bring DS to me in bed. He still gets up near 6 yrs on more than I do for DS....:redface:
I had a c.sect and he just did a great deal of lifting DS and changing nappies. But he is very caring and helpful like that anyway.

I know from what friends have said that most of their partners do not get up much at night as my dh.

I wonder if it`ll be different with our next bub.?

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DH and I are firm believers that parenting is a "shared" thing and not just for all the fun, happy, positive times either. He has always gotten up during the night to assist and still does now - DS hasnt slept through since 6 months old so we take it in turns to get up for him every night. We wouldn't survive otherwise.:)

I know of other couples tho where the working partner refuses to get up during the night or the at home partner refuses to let their partner get up, mainly due to the "guilt" factor. It works for some people but that doesnt work for us.:)

Have to agree with all of this.

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me too.

my partner gets up every morning at 6am (leaves house at 8.30am). He never uses this as an excuse NOT to attend to bilby when she needs us during the night.

He values me breastfeeding our child. He realises how tiring BF-ing, so he gets bilby up, changes her if she needs and gives her cuddles, brings her to me, keeps her cuddling if i have to go to the loo before i can feed her, brings me a drink if i need one. (this is all offered, i don't ask). DH is not perfect and is really slack in many ways, but we went to a Parents breastfeeding education session run by Aust BF Assoc, and it was heavily stressed, that the support or lack of support from the bf-ing paren'ts PARTNER is a high indication of how long BF-ing will go on. So he heard it from people OTHER than me, how important his role was. ANd he's taken it to heart i think.

our child is nearly 23 months and usually wakes once or twice during the night for a feed. No way could we have kept bf-ing THIS long without a combined effort between us. We also agree on attachment parenting. His first wife used Controlled Crying and that upset my dh so much (he coudln't stick to CC).

i hate asking my dh to do stuff (cos he never remembers what i ask) so if he didn't do this stuff, i would find it very difficult to ask.

I don't think it's JUST changing a nappy and cuddling, i think these things are a constant repetitive and very needed things for a baby to receive on a consistent basis - knowing their needs will be attended to as needed. So i see what dh does as very important.

our baby is usually awake from 6.30am, dh cares for her from then until he goes at 8.30am, so i can sleep longer.

a supportive partner can also help you cope with PND. I have NO clue how single parents cope! as much as my partner has his flaws, there are some things (listed above) that i am so grateful for - i realise not every mummy has that level of support.

Um, my DP never got up once for nappy change or to get bub so I could BF ... not even the 1st couple of weeks & it was freezing cold Winter here in Ballarat :rolleyes:

My DH doesn't get up with us at night. In fact, once, when I collapsed on the floor with mastitis when she was about 3 weeks old, I had to call out to him for ten minutes because I couldn't get up. He then makes a bottle of formula (even though we BF), hands her and the bottle to me and goes back to bed!! :o This was at 6.30am, not like, 2am. I was terrified to move off the couch because I thought I would fall over again.

However, in the middle of the night, I like to stay as sleepy as I can and barely open my eyes, I don't think I'm capable of speaking. DH has no idea what goes on at night in our house.

DH has never gotten up during the night even when DD was strickly on ff for a week. However, recently I have been getting really tired (I think the lack of sleep has finally caught up to me) and have asked if he would mind after I have feed DD and I can't settle her (if she sees the sun, she thinks it's playtime - not too much fun at 6 in the morning....still want to sleep) to get up and play with her. To his credit, the last couple of morning he has (DD plays and is back in bed within the hour). Gives me a little more snooze time and DD gets to play with her daddy.

Df would only get up if it was a bad night where I couldn't resettle Ash or something like that. He was helpful in pacing the floors if need be. But otherwise he'd put his ear plugs in and sleep. My thought was what is the point of us both losing sleep? I was BFing so why get him up. One tired parent is better than 2 tired parents.
He helped out in other ways he cooked every night and did majority of the cleaning in those first few weeks so I think we worked it out quite evenly.

my exP only got up to help a handful of times. On weekends though, he'd take DD in the day so I could have a huge catch-up.

My DP always got up to help :D

my wife and i have a system which seems to work pretty well. i work, but i still help out a heap. any bloke who can't help needs to look at themselves. i go to bed around 10 which is usually as he is having a feed. dp stays with ds until he settles, which on this feed never seems to happen. she will then feed him around 2am and wake me up to change and settle him while she goes to bed. i then look after him til the 6am feed which is usually not too hard. i then bottle feed him and settle him before i head to work at which time i wake her up for the rest of the day.
this way we both get a reasonable amount of sleep. some times it works in my favour because he will setlle real quick and i basically only wake up for one hour of the night. sometimes it works in her favour because he will be a grizzle guts from 2am to 6am.
i firmly believe that parenting is the job of mother and father. too many guys leave the mum to do everything.