XP didn't do a night feed until DD was 4.5 months old and i'd left him and he had an overnight access visit. If he didn't do it no-one was going to. He was terrible. He ONCE took responsibility for her overnight and that was because i got out of bed one night at about 1am and said "I can see men in the room. I know they are not real. I'm on the verge of psychosis. I'm going to the spare room. DO NOT bring her to me before 4am". To be fair, he brought her to me at 4.15am, when she woke for the boob.

He wouldn't ever get up even to change her, and to give you all a decent perspective he didn't HAVE a job at that point. He had 2 weeks paternity, 5 days back at work and then lost his job. He was at home all day and he did sweet FA. The day he found out i had feelings for someone else DD was 8 weeks old. He became father-of-the-year overnight (though still did nothing for her overnight) which lasted about 2 weeks. It took him that bit longer to grasp the fullness of his responsibility in the situation, and i think he STILL doesn't feel so heavy a responsibility as i do.

So since she was 4months i've had no help overnight. DP has expressed shock at the way it was with XP, but words are easy so i'm not 100% that he'll be leaping out of bed every 2 hours for 12 weeks either.

I have one friend who had a useless partner and she got through it in what i think is a clever way. SHe bought very good barrier cream (equivalent of $14/100ml), put 3 thicknesses of nappy on the baby (was a cloth-bum baby) and NO-ONE got up to change in the night. She just sat up, fed, lay down (they co-slept or had baby in a cot butted up against the bed). The only time she got up to change was if they had a rash (and we compared notes, my DD was changed every feed and had ONE less episode than her DD in the first year), and then she did it once a night.

DP has a very demanding (intellectually) job and i know he won't do too well on sleep-loss, and it will be his wages which allow us to buy a house, and for me to stay at home with the babies, so my plan is to do what my friend did. DP has to get up at 6 to get ready for work, so he can change the baby then, and we'll see how we go.

Leasha the other night DD was crying from a bad dream at about 3 and i went in to her. I was in bed with her, cuddling and shushing her and she murmured "mama's here, mama's always here". I wouldn't have chosen to do this so alone, but i can't say i regret it too much now either.

Bx