sleep signals help pls

[Softy]

Hi, my 10 1/2 month old is not a great sleeper but has now dropped one day nap so is only doing 1 day nap for 1-1 1/2 hours only! She co sleeps with me at night and still also wakes for b/feeds during the night to re-settle. Am I missing her 'tired' signs?? She is full on walking and acts as though she has too much to do to bother sleeping....even though I can see she's tired; bags under eyes, yawning and sometimes rubbing eyes, she just refuses to settle most of the time. I put music on for her day naps in her cot and have always done that so she's used to it.

I phoned up a sleep school and booked in for a day course and the nurse had me feeling like I'm doing everything wrong. Had me feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing by her, that I'm missing signals etc. I am going to go I think for any tips but am feeling crap now!! Any ideas out there???

[Barb Glare]

Hi,

It's awful when you come away from what should be a supportive phone call feeling that you are doing it all wrong! You are not! Most of us respond to our baby's cues and behaviours. Some babies are more "wired" than others - and there is a world of difference between knowing their sleep cues and being able to do something about it. What you are describing - just being too 'busy" to sleep is typical for this age. Go, and pick up as many tips as you can - but don't let them make you feel bad about your perfectly well adapted breastfeeding, co-sleeping darling. My top tip for daytime naps - put them in the babysling and go for a quick walk. There may be initial protest - but they will quickly and easily settle down for a good sleep

[Softy]

Thanks for your reply Barb, I feel like crying at the mo cause I'm so tired, your reply has made me feel better. I do have a hug a bub so will put her in that to try to 'force' another nap during the day. The nurse at the school said she should be having 2-3 naps per day!! So I'll give the sling a go as you suggested to try to get her to have an extra nap. I have noticed that if I hold her for 1/2 an hour or so when I think she's tired to 'slow down' her heart rate, the b/feed she can fall asleep so fingers crossed the sling works! Thanks again

[jackrose]

What a horrible experience when you are already tired and stressed! I can't believe how insensitive and lacking in compassion some people can be, even when in the health industry. I am sorry for you that you were made to feel so bad.

From what you described it sounds as if you are doing everything right really. I think that maybe you are going through the really common challenges of a growing baby. Often as babies get older and change, sometimes they need slightly different routines, slightly different techniques and tricks to help them sleep and sometimes they fight it as they try to figure out the new rules of the game we call sleep. You are the best person to read your baby and I am sure you know her signs back to front. However if she is having trouble settling when she is tired, the signs don't really help do they!

Barb's advice is fantastic (of course!!)

and there is a world of difference between knowing their sleep cues and being able to do something about it.

And as she suggested, sleep schools can be helpful to get tips that you can use at your whim. If you are feeling sleep deprived and stressed it can be difficult to take the tips if you don't agree with them or if they are offered in way that makes you question yourself as a mother so it is a bit of a catch-22 situation... Just remember that you have made it this far with a well cared for little girl and you will make the right decisions and get through this because you have her best interests at heart. I can't stress that enough.

I feel like crying at the mo cause I'm so tired

I felt exactly the same way as you when my dd was the same age... in fact I was crying, often. It was so hard to be at the stage of extreme sleep deprivation and with an overtired baby when nearly at the 1 year mark. I thought that only happened in the early stages . I went to sleep school and it made the WORLD of difference for me. The background help, tips and tricks and info about sleep that they gave me really helped me to design a sleep routine that worked for us and I was able to implement their advice in a way that worked with my gentle parenting approach. One of the big things I did was be consistent. I decided I would bunker down for a week and really do this sleep settle thing and put my dd down for 2 naps and stop bf at night (she was at the stage of feeding every sleep cycle to re-settle so sometimes every 30-40 min ) I started to introduce some wind down activities before I put her down for a nap, (as Barb suggested a walk in a sling is great, I sometimes used a trip to the cafe -coffee sanity for me - with a car ride home which calmed her) Then I just consistently put her to bed and gave her sleep cues until she settled (or for at least an hour during 'nap time'). She actually took to it really well and I found I was able to enjoy being a mum so much more when we were both less tired and stressed.

Softy, it is a really difficult thing to deal with and I am here if you want to ask any more questions about my experience. I hope you find something here that helps.

[aimz78]

Hi Softy, just wanted to offer some I think you are doing a great job! You know your child better than anyone.It is hard when they are not sleeping well. My DD was down to only 1 day sleep at the same age. Developmental milestones such as walking can also make them "too busy to sleep". I also am cosleeping and bfing through the night and my DD still wakes fairly often for feeds through the night (and is showing no signs of letting up on that one!). Trust your instincts. I hope the sleep school can give you some good tips, have you considered reading some gentle parenting books such as pinky mckays:sleeping like a baby? Just be prepared for the sleep school to advise some methods which may be a bit different to your current parenting philosophy. I really hope your bub settles into a better rhythm of sleep soon and you get a bit of a break. Take care x

[Softy]

Thank you so much both Jackrose and Aimz78 for replying as well, it's great to know I'm not the only one having trouble.

Like you Jackrose I also thought that by now she'd be in a routine and I wouldn't be having any issues.....how wrong was I!! And thanks for reminding me of the quote that there's a difference between recognising sleep cues and being able to do anything about them....so true!!

My nurse keeps telling me she's more advanced than her age as she does things that older babies/toddlers do so I think that could be part of the reason of why she's so 'busy' absorbing everything, so I've decided to try to wear her down by playing with her more and stimulating her more to make her nap. I tried it out yesterday and I actually got 2 x 1.5hour naps!!! I couldn't believe it....I was very excited but then worried that she wouldn't sleep at night but I added another trick of bedtime story in bed together then b/f for sleep....it sort of worked so I'll keep at it and hope it catches on

Thanks for the book recommendation aimz78, will order it in at the library...add to my list, I've also got another book on order as she's already tantruming and testing boundaries!! Thanks also for sympathising with me and letting me know you're also b/f during the night and co-sleeping...helps to know others are out there!!

If it's ok I might bug you both in future for advice, as it sounds like you've both been through similar things. I'm new to this so do go via the contacts?? Thanks again and I hope your little ones 'behave' as much as possible

[aimz78]

Thats great about two naps, I hope things continue to improve. It is nice to know we are not the only ones, contact me anytime! I think you can go into my profile and leave a message? (im not very tech savvy lol!) I hear you on the testing boundaries thing, yet another challenge to look forward to! My DD is starting this too!

[jackrose]

You do know her better than anyone else! Wearing her out is a great idea and I am so glad it worked so well for you

Being a bit advanced can be challenging to deal with when they need heaps more stimulation, but it does mean lots of fun with your LO. There is an excellent thread here with lots of ideas about how to keep toddlers amused. It may be a bit ahead of your DD but some ideas may work and you can always keep them in mind for later

With regards to the private messages, you have access to them once you have been a member for a bit or you have reached (I think) 30-50 posts. This little rule protects us all from spammers. So at present you will have to contact us via this thread - we get emailed when a new post has been made on it so should know about your message. You will reach the 50 post mark soon enough, it is scary how addictive this can be!!

Keep up the good work Softy, and to both you and aimz78, good luck with those boundary testing toddlers

[thepixie]

Softy babe... I think sometimes very active babies find it hard to actually stop let alone get horizontal for long enough to fall asleep. My DD is the same although I have found if I put her in the pram (even at home at night, not going for a walk or anything) she does fall asleep in there if she is tired. Because the pram restrains her she can stop, but because she kind of thinks she is going for a walk she doesn't fight it IYKWIM. The other thing that helped us (not practical for everybody of course) is we went for a 2 week holiday where we were driving for 2-3 hours most days. When we came back she was magically taking much longer naps (1-1.5 hrs instead of 30 mins)