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She can report the credit card lost and get the bank to give her a new one with a different number.
Get his wages paid into her account and not give him access.
But those kind of measures are only treating the symptoms not the disease which is that he is too self-centered to step-up and take responsibility as a father and husband to ensure his families' financial health. Can she get a pastor or similar who her husband will respect to have a word with him about manning up?
Registered User
Agree with all of Onyx's suggestions.
Could she wait until the end of the fortnight and withhold the money needed to pay the box at work back? Perhaps the wrath of his boss PLUS the hit to his manly pride might knock a bit of sense into him. Plus, really, $200 at the deli??? In a fortnight?? Are you sure he doesn't have a food/gambling/alcohol/hooker addiction as well?
I would also consider letting the phone and internet bills go unpaid, get herself a secret pre-paid mobile for use in emergencies - then he won't be able to buy stuff online??
Like Onyx points out, there is an underlying problem here. You can't say "the marriage is good except for ..." because this problem by very definition is about a fundamental lack of respect for her needs, her personal power, her personal boundaries. She is going without food...this isn't just disrespect, it's ABUSIVE.
My sister had a similar issue with her husband, she hung in there for the sake of the relationship, sacrificed good years of her life throwing everything she had to keep them barely afloat, used ever clever strategy in the book, but in the end, he didn't change and didn't want to change. In the end she left with nothing but his debt, but realised the longer she stayed, the bigger the debt would be that she had to walk away with. A year or two on she's doing really well for herself, in all areas of her life as well as financially.
Registered User
You're so right Marydean. What I mean to say is that he is not a deliberately abusive person, and he does take a lot of crap from her as well. But I wonder how much crap she'd give him if this wasn't such an issue? Perhaps things would be more balanced for her. That's interesting what you suggested about him having an addiction, while it would surprise me, it is ringing alarm bells isn't it. DH and I were on the poverty line for our first couple of years, and we've tried to help them as much as possible, to the point where I've taken her shopping a few times and told her to load up the trolley and I've paid for it. But we've got where we are through going without a lot and learning new budgeting skills - he just doesn't have the desire. He's still living like a miner on a tradies wage
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