How do you feel about 'assumed consent'?

[BellyBelly]

Even though I have seen and heard this for years Rouge its fired me up about it too. Ive actually been at a breech birth where episiotomy was discussed before the birth, she said she didnt want it. At the birth (that was going beautifully) he announced he was going to do an episiotomy, so she turned to her husband and said something, cant remember but either a 'what do you think/I dont want this' and the Ob defiantly said back that he was telling her she's having one. I was so angry.

The thing is too, episiotomy also cuts through layer of muscle and as an expert once pointed out to me, Obs are specialists in obstetrics, not muscles. They do a quick stitch up job often without consideration to the muscles. So you hear of women who have bad recovery jobs. And Obs allowed to practice saying things like this to the husband: 'Would you like me to put in a couple of extra stitches for you?' (make her tighter. Grrrr so angry right now.

[nothing2lose]

Maybe I feel differently because so much of my bodily autonomy flew out the window long ago once the spectre of infertility raised its head. I have undergone nine IVF cycles which are highly invasive and emotionally fraught.

I have also had considerable gynaecological issues which I have needed treatment for along the way.

I dont have the luxury of saying I dont want doctors to do things which are uncomfortable, painful and/or will have lasting repercussions on my body or my emotional state, if I want to have a chance at even becoming pregnant. Doctors are not my enemy. They are my partners on this journey because, without them, I stand zero chance of being able to hold a newborn child in my arms.

And, I know it's not politically correct to say this, but after what I have been through so far on this journey, I can honestly say that I have less concern about how I might be treated during the birthing process, whether I am cut, treated like a piece of meat, a number....whatever by the most arrogant OB that ever walked the earth, because to me, the end goal is far more important.

[HotI]

Maybe I feel differently because so much of my bodily autonomy flew out the window long ago once the spectre of infertility raised its head. I have undergone nine IVF cycles which are highly invasive and emotionally fraught.

You may not like them, but you have consented. You haven't given away your autonomy.

I dont have the luxury of saying I dont want doctors to do things which are uncomfortable, painful and/or will have lasting repercussions on my body or my emotional state, if I want to have a chance at even becoming pregnant. Doctors are not my enemy. They are my partners on this journey because, without them, I stand zero chance of being able to hold a newborn child in my arms.

These are decisions you have made, no one has forced you or done things to you without your permission.

And, I know it's not politically correct to say this, but after what I have been through so far on this journey, I can honestly say that I have less concern about how I might be treated during the birthing process, whether I am cut, treated like a piece of meat, a number....whatever by the most arrogant OB that ever walked the earth, because to me, the end goal is far more important.

While your post was emotive, I don't think it is related at all. Just because a woman has had IVF, or multiple partners, or accepted treatment before does not mean that their vagina or body is public property or that they give up their right to autonomy.

[onthefly]

We should be able to trust that our caregivers won't assault us, certainly. But is it really reasonable that we must pick and choose and defend ourselves to ensure this?

And it's not about the procedure itself and how painful/unpleasant it might be. It's about being treated with the respect due another human being and in a particularly vulnerable situation.
I've had 2 episiotomies now. I have had BOTH experiences. I'm not upset just because it hurt or i had to have stiches, or that it tore up to my arse. boo hoo, poor me.

Having a baby shouild never mean a woman must give up her right to her self, or her dignity. Her carers should safeguard it - they hold this woman in trust. Anything less is not good enough.