How do you feel about 'assumed consent'?

[PumpkinZulu]

I would be devastated to have my perineum cut without my consent, to assume that I couldn't make that decision for myself, yes. If I or my baby were about to die and that was the split second deciding factor, I wouldn't care. I think the about-to-die scenario is a minority and vastly different from a HCP simply choosing to forgo consent. Nobody is talking about banning it, and I find it's attitudes like this and calling it birth activism that is exactly what I was meaning when I said that attitude invalidates people's rights. Informed consent is a right, it's not activism. Not every birthing situation is life or death, I think it's a bit redundant to base an attitude on assumed consent on a life or death basis, seeing as that's not really how the majority of birthing scenarios play out. Yes, I'd be devastated to be physically mutilated without a thought I whether that's what I wanted or not. Birth and dying are not mutually exclusive, I don't see every epi as saving a life. I'd be more devastated to lose my baby. Who wouldn't? That's not what we're talking about though. I feel blessed to live in a country where, if need be, I have highly trained professionals to care for myself and my baby if need be. Many die because they don't have access to obstetric care. Unfortunately, many are also damaged or die because they are exposed to this type of care without cause. Which is why these professionals should be asking all the not-about-to-die women whether they can cut through them first or not.

ETA As for bigger problems, the USA has the one of the highest rate of maternal/child death in the developed world...they also have some of the highest rates of *unnecessary* (read, not talking life or death) intervention. I don't feel this is at all a coincidence.

ETA 2: (Life or death once again aside) During sex, if a man assumes consent, it's rape. I've not ever experienced birth trauma and hope I never have to, but I can see how the term birth rape was coined.

[nothing2lose]

Maybe the moral of the story is don't choose a HCP that you cannot trust to respect your wishes?

[Astrid]

Maybe the moral of the story is don't choose a HCP that you cannot trust to respect your wishes?

That is assuming there is choice. Not everyone can afford private health care. Going public, there is little choice. Yes you can get a doula, yes, you can a private midwife etc, but once you are in that hospital, it is basically the combo of the ob and midwives on duty (even in a midwife continuity program). Large cities, there is some choice of hospital, but it does seem to more the hospital choosing you. Rural cities, no choice. Even those with private health insurance have a limited choice with ob's as there are so few.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Maybe the moral of the story is don't choose a HCP that you cannot trust to respect your wishes?

Sorry, only read up to here, but have to reply to you N2L (and I love you, but feel misunderstood by some of your comments).

THIS is why I am choosing a freebirth. Because there is no health "care" "professional" that I can trust to respect my wishes. Hell, there's no fricken HUSBAND I can trust to respect my wishes. I was cut not because Liebling was going to die, but because I had been bullied into things, my "no"s had not been heeded and the obs reg I had wanted (and had) to shove his hand up my vagina while I was pushing Liebs half-way down and I was "too muscular" and "too tense" for him. I, and most other women in the UK, do not get to choose providers. We can ask the NHS nicely but if they want us somewhere they either bully our DHs into it (as happened to me as I was trying to fight the world for a homebirth for a few months) or say we can have a birth centre IF they agree - but we still need a hospital we may detest because (a) it's closer and (b) the birth centre can decide they don't want you if you're more than a week away from their arbitarily decided and wrong due date (couldn't even get ONE person to listen to me that I didn't have a 4-week cycle, but irregular 5-8 weeks).

I do not feel violated because someone plonked a baby I do not recognise as my relation into my arms. I do not feel violated because a doctor decided surgery was best for me. I feel violated that I tried to discuss risks with the midwives and they ignored me. That they bullied me. That they laughed at me when I said I did not want drugs - then "told you so" when I had them. I feel violated because I said "no, I don't want this" and it was done anyway. I feel violated by a man's hand being shoved up my vagina while I was birthing then he complained about it and sliced me up, despite my wishes, because my husband agreed to it.

If it weren't a hospital, drugging and violating a woman's vagina would be rape. Why does a hospital that I never wanted to go to make it OK?

eta - the after-effects of my mutilation - 2 years before I felt comfortable during sex. Some positions made me scream in pain for 3 years. Even now, I can feel a scar. I hate it. I hate the mutilation that occured to me when I didn't want it. And I have a stupid pap smear tomorrow with someone I don't know and am freaking about it and just wish my period would arrive right now so I can cancel it. The after-effects of my mutilation is that I don't want a potentially life-saving check done on my body. And I know full well from discussing with the nurse who did my last one (who I did know pretty well) that this is not uncommon, but I am the unusual one who just gets on and does it, irrespective of the fear I feel.