What would you do...

[Amy_jellybean]

Sooo......

Bubba is due to be born on 16th January, Ob has made it clear that he will not let me go more than 5 days overdue before he induces me. So bub will be here by 21st/22nd Jan depending on labour etc.

My question is:

Dh was works away, he does a week on and a week off. Originally his roster worked out that he was due to come home the day after bub was due and ob was happy with this. We asked him again at the next appointment and he said 'Oh no he need to be home before that". So DH and I decided he will fly out to work on the Thursday come home on the Monday (2 days before I am due). The catch is, he will have no annual leave owing to him (he is going on a holiday to Malaysia next week with some mates that was organised before we knew I was pregnant). The money isn't such an issue as if we go as planned then he will have 5.5 weeks off work and only lose 2.5 weeks wages as the other 3 weeks is his R&R time at home anyway. So we will have some money put away to prepare for that.

The issue is if he takes the whole week before I am due off, then he will actually end up having 2 weeks off before bub is due because of his week R&R beforehand. Which is such a waste as we will just be sitting around waiting waiting waiting. And this will also cut down his time at home once bub is born.

Another spanner in the works.... if it is a week day then there will be no problem getting him on a flight, it's a 2 hour flight away and then half an hour from there to the airport. If it is a weekend then he needs to be driven and hour and a half from site to a large airport and then try and get on a commerical flight home which they are nearly always booked out. If it is night time ie. after 4pm then he will not be able to get on a flight until the next morning.

I know this is a majorly long winded post but basically I want to know if you were in my position what would you do?

[HotI]

Bubba is due to be born on 16th January, Ob has made it clear that he will not let me go more than 5 days overdue before he induces me. So bub will be here by 21st/22nd Jan depending on labour etc.

it is not up to anyone to 'let you' do anything, it is your right and responsibility to make decisions for your self and your baby. It is your healthcare providers responsibility to inform you of risks, benefits and alternatives of any intervention/procedure and then seek consent.

[Amy_jellybean]

Thanks Hoti, i'm happy with no more than 5 days overdue. All the other obs I know of wont let IVF patients go more than 38 weeks before inducing. I've also had a bad family history of babies going over and being still born so i'd rather be induced if need be.

[onthefly]

That sounds very, very tricky to organise! I'm not sure. Do you have a backup person here to be with you in labour?
Why only 5 days? And why did your OB say he needed to be back earlier? I mean, is he expecting an earlier labour for some reason?
If not, it might make sense to push it out, to get the most time out of his leave post-baby. He might not make it for the birth - which would suck, but that's the risk, I guess. If you ended up going earlier still, then he might still miss it, you know?

Good luck!

[onthefly]

Really? why for IVF? Oh well, that's another issue, I guess.

[Amy_jellybean]

Thanks Mad B Yeah my mum can be a stand in if Mitch cant be home in time. I think after the long journey we have been through to get here though, we would both be heartbroken if he missed it. I know what you mean about there always being the possibilty of going earlier but I guess going earlier than about 36 weeks would be pretty rare for a first bub and we would have to cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm thinking more along the lines of if we leave it to the last minute with him coming home and then him missing it because we were stubborn.

I dont think the ob has any real reason for thinking I will go earlier, he just knows its a nightmare to get Mitch home if I was to go earlier. I have had a few biopsy's on my cervix which he said they will need to watch as I get closer to term but apart from that I dont think there is anything really.

Not sure about the whole IVF induced early thing, I've heard it from a lot of docs now. The only reason he is letting me go to term is because he is on holidays until a week before I am due.

[~clover~]

When I had DS I stayed with IL's so I was closer to the hospital. Ex stayed home for work & had to travel 2 hours to the hospital, but he had a car & was able to do that.

The only other person I know who's been in the same situation as you, had c/s for both her babies. She made that decision based on her DP's time off. I asked how she felt about that & she said that it didn't matter to her. She did what she needed to do for her family & to have her DP there for the births. So that worked for them.

Maybe prepare yourself for that fact that he might not make it & have another support person lined up JIC?

[onthefly]

If you're fine with the schedule you're on, then all good, but seriously, IVF is no good reason to induce. And obviously he doesn't think it's necessary if he's only pushing you back to accommodate his holiday. Sorry for the rant here, but it gets my goat when IVFers get this sort of treatment. You increase the risk to your baby by getting induced without a good medical reason (and post-dates = 42 weeks, technically).
It's your body and your baby - so your call.
I'm sure there are other BBers around who've had FIFO hubbies and can tell you how they managed things. It would certainly be good if he could be there - I hope you can swing it so it works well for you guys.

[Amy_jellybean]

Thanks for your advice Mad B, I certainly wont be pushed into something I dont want. He is very pro C-section and ive already made it very clear that unless it is life or death it wont be happening.

[HotI]

Language is so important. Your first post worried me ('let me'), your second post reassured me some ('i'm happy with no more ...'), but then again you write about drs 'letting you'. It is not up to them to 'let you' do anything. Particularly when their actions are based on their booked holidays.

Medicine should be based on evidence. Demand that you are given information on your options so you can make decisions knowing all the medical risks and benefits combined with how this fits your personal circumstances.

[Amy_jellybean]

I absolutley will make sure I have all the evidence before I give consent for anything Hoti. At the end of the day though he is the one I am trusting with my birth and he is the one that has done the hard yards at uni. He has been to far more births than me and I will always take his advice on board. I'm not a shrinking violet though and will most definately ask if I am unsure about something.

[Meercat]

My DP may be away for the birth (he is sent offshore for his job randomly and has just been told they want him out as much as possible right up till me due date)

We have decided to just take it as it comes, if he is home then that's great and if he is offshore an they can get him back in time great... But if he is away then my mum will come in with me.

I was induced with my DD and as much as I would love DP to be with me this time as well.... I would not choose to be induced. I know it is hard because it is your first baby though, I don't know what I would have done with DD's birth if there was a chance he couldn't be there. Tbh though... I needed him much more AFTER she was born than during the birth... And the weeks before my due date we both were like caged animals.

So not sure if that helped at all lol. But I do understand how hard the decision is. My sister was induced so her Dh could be there for the birth. They didn't want to have him home, unpaid for weeks if nothing was happening... And then have to go back and miss the birth anyway

[LimeSlice]

I was in the exact situation with DD1. DH was working in Kal and my DD fell smack bang in the middle of his week home... I ended up going 8 days over, and booked a flight for him at 1.30am so he could get on the morning flight out. Had he not made that flight, he wouldn't have been there.
MIL was with me, so there was *someone* there, which was great.

Essentially though, the only thing you can do is hope for the best, plan for the worst. If you KNOW that you are going no more than 5 days over, and he will be here for your DD anyway, then I would run with hope, and make sure his employers know that if bubs hasn't arrived and you are being induced, DH won't be returning to work.
So if I were in your shoes (again! lol) I would leave his roster as is, the chances are you will go over anyway.

Remember too that he is entitled to other leave besides AL when baby is born - he can claim some Parental Leave (not through CL but as a standard entitlement like Bereavement Leave) it isn't much, and it is unpaid, but he is entitled to it nonetheless.

Good luck!

[Traveller]

I would agree with others that sticking to the current roster is probably what I would do, as well as having another birth support person on standby.

I also want to add that I am a little concerned about your relationship with your OB. You say you trust him, which is wonderful and all any of can hope for in our caregiver. However you also say he is very pro CS and that you are not. It's great to trust someone but when their values are misaligned with ours it can create tension. If he recommends a CS, knowing he is very pro them and therefore presumably has a high portion of his women having one, can you trust it is for medical reason and not doctor convenience? I'm not saying you choose choose someone else, or that a CS may not be required. However I think you need to make sure you are happy before you accept an induction that your trust in him will extend to accepting a CS if it is recommended, and that this will not leave you with unresolved questions. Sometimes this just involves a really honest discussion about things like how long he will be comfortable with you labouring, at what point he might suggest a CS. Just so you know these things in advance and are comfortable. It's better to discuss these things before labour than afterwards when it's too late to make different choices. I hope that all makes sense anyway

[Boo Boo]

For DS1 and DS2, DH was working overseas and for both he arrived back at 38 weeks. I had a doula for both births as our parents live overseas. Having a doula definitely put my mind at ease that in the event I went earlier than 38 weeks I did have support for the birth itself. Having said all that, and I know that it is a different situation to yours, with DS1 I was 7 days over and DS2 I was 10 days over, so even though I was panicking that DH wasn't getting back till 38 weeks, we will ended up waiting around for 3+ weeks for both bubs to be born. Is there an option of you having a doula for extra peace of mind. I think I would keep DH to his roster and have support that you are comfortable with in the event that you did go early. It is tricky, I know getting close to both births from about 36 weeks onwards each night I would go to bed and cross my fingers and say 'please don't let anything happen tonight' lol and then when DH got back I felt a huge sense of relief. No matter it will all work out hun, but it is stressful I know, good luck with it. x

[Amy_jellybean]

Thanks so much boo boo! I have a student midwife that lives 5 minutes around the corner and from 37 weeks while DH is away ill be staying at my parents just in case. I think we will stick with the plan we have unless the ob gives us any reason closer to the time why he should be home earlier. Xx

[Cassius2]

I'd be thinking of a back up...having DH around waiting could be potentially quite a frustrating experience for all involved...like a watched pot that never boils lol. Thankfully you have the first time birth card and that in very general terms can mean that labour is a steady length and given your scenarios he would stand a good chance of getting there in time (even if he meets you at the hospital as my DH did). BUT, in the unlikely even that he doesnt get there in time (i like to think positive!), you could organise for a video to be done, or even to have an extra support person that can video call him if you have the technology (i'm thinking face time or something).