HI,
I just had a baby a few weeks ago, my third. THis is the first time i did regular perineum massage for the last for weeks. At about six weeks I started using a peasized amount of copper ointment on there once a day and the last four weeks my partner or myself would pull out the skin and massage it. This was recommended by our midwife. I did not tear, no nicks, no grazes, no swelling, no bruises NOTHING. In fact the same day I had her, everything was back to normal, no stinging when I went to the loo nothing, it was like I did not even have a baby that day it was unbelievable. If you are not into doing the full on massage, you could just use the copper ointment it softens the skin.
Goodluck, it's a great idea to work through all those fears about tearing again, as it will help you in the labour to have let those pesky fear go.
Melanie