perineal massage might help (I read somewhere using evening primrose oil was useful). During pregnancy and labour even (though maybe not with the oil during labour?).
Hot pads (you can use hot wet face washers or cloth nappies) during labour on your nether region might help too.
And I expect that not pushing against your erge - work with your body, don't force it or rush it. Breath, wait, work with your body, breath. Waterbirth, or labouring in the water as your contractions get close and steady and you approach transition.
Let gravity help you - best not to lay on your back or let someone tell you when and for how long to push.
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