Fear of dying in labour ...some thoughts

[Arcadia]

I just read this great passage in Birthing from within (Pam England and Rob Horowitz 1998, p. 8) that I wanted to share:

We seldom hear of a mother dying in labour...so learning that some mothers have fleeting fears of dying surprises and perhaps unnerves us. Interestingly mothers tell me that when the thought of dying surfaced near the end of labour, they were simply aware of the thought or feeling, perhaps surprised, but not disturbed by it.
Why does [the] thought of dying come up in a healthy labour, often just before giving birth? The mounting intensity of labour forces complete surrender of our body and will, dissolving our egos, ideas and familiar sense of self. We're not afraid of dying because there is no "self" left to resist and fear. At that transcendent moment we have become birth itself. This is the spiritual birth of woman into mother.

This just speaks exactly to my own feelings just as DD was moving down the birth canal. I honestly felt like I was going to tear in two, and that would die in the process. Acknowledging that feeling and moving past it gave me the inner strength to really push her out. It was as if I had been holding her back because I was scared of what might happen to me, but a total surrender of myself meant she could finally be born.

Birth is such an amazing process, and I truly feel it is like walking a precipice between life and death- the moment of transformation and transfiguration.

Anyway, just needed to share.

[Arimeh]

I agree. And I also love that book, its taught me so much. I've yet to start the dealing with pain tips though, keep forgetting to make some ice!

[beckoes]

I just came on BB to post a thread about 'why am i choosing to try and birth without pain relief?' after a few conversations with a friend and my mother and a neighbour, all telling me ''take all the drugs they offer you'' and questioning why on earth i would want to try and do it without medical help, we should take advantage of the miracle of modern medicine and lap up the peth and epi and what ever else they throw at me....WHY NOT..... i just found my self sitting on the bed wondering why i was so keen to do it without....really....

I just happened to read this before i posted my thread and it really helped. any other snipets of wisbom you feel like posting id love to hear....im due in a few weeks and really should get this book, but it would take me a month to read....im a very slow reader

[Shanti]

Subbing

BBL when not on iPhone.

[Arcadia]

Just thought I'd update with some more great things I am getting out of the book. One of the authors studies "birth art", which sounded quite strange to me, until I decided to get out DD's colouring pencils and give it a go. I just tried to draw what labour/birth means or feels to me.The images I created are really interesting. They are all red, orange and yellows, with blues used for the baby. I also used a lot of love motifs, as well as lots of umbilical cord kind of linking lines between me and baby.

I think birth is such an incredible journey and it really is a dance between you and the baby.

Beckoes, I would really try and read some things on birth if you want to have a drug free labour...I find it helps to remember our bodies were MADE to do this, and that a birth that is left unhindered by drugs, and fear IS uncomplicated, and homebirth statistics prove that (as do the "cascade of intervention" statistics).

As for pain, it is important to remember that birth is MEANT to hurt. It is meant to be scary and overwhelming...that's why our bodies create a ****tail of hormones to help us cope. The more you can get lost within it (i.e. go into your "zone) the better you will cope. Things that helped me get into my zone were...ignoring people's questions, cuddling my DH, and vocalising my feelings (i.e. moaning and carrying on), stomping my feet and swaying my hips. I also asked for constant heat on my back.

Pain in labour is NOT pathological. It is not a problem that needs to be fixed. It is a necessary part of the process - the nerves that are experiencing the pain send signals to your body to produce more oxytocin, which increases the 'tempo' of the labour and therefore the dialtion of your cervix.

The book calls this a "positive feedback mechanism" (p. 190)

[Arimeh]

I did my birth art Pretty proud of it, and it made me feel so strong and empowered. I even put it on facebook.. LOL

[Catherine]

Wonderful Thread Arcadia, and your last post particularly.

I have had two natural births. I can't imagine birthing with drugs. I used water, the bath, and movement to manage my labour. I found my zone...

I think what Arcadia says about getting into your zone is the best advice. Birth goes through stages - and the point where you start thinking "I can't do this", you need to say to yourself. "Aha! Transition, nearly there. I can do this. I AM doing this". Go inside yourself, to your baby. Focus on the baby coming down, relax and open. If you fight it - it will hurt more. Work with it, and embrace it. Your body knows what to do - let it happen.

Beckoes - have you considered a Doula? It isn't too late.

[Shanti]

Arcadia, although I didn't ever think I'd die during labour, nor did I had fears of dying leading up to the birth, I did however feel the same way you described, in those last pushing stages where DD got stuck (she was posterior) and I had been pushing almost 2hrs total, and tore really badly and felt every single part of that tearing and crowning as I had no drugs (or gas) whatsoever..... that pain I will NEVER forget. It was horrific pain. I honestly thought if it went on any longer I would not be able to cope.... hence why I started swearing during that part.... (what a lady ) but I had every reason to!!!! LOL
In saying this, I too, can't imagine birthing with drugs, I would never change a thing..... I loved having a natural birth and look forward to the next one being natural also. If you ask me, its the only way to do it!!

Like Catherine said, you work with it and let your body guide you..... any fears that enter your mind you quickly brush them away with positive thoughts that bub will be here soon...... eventually they all have to come out!!

[beckoes]

Beckoes - have you considered a Doula? It isn't too late.

I have just got a student Doula, she is great, been giving me loads of new POVs and things to think about. seeing her again next tuesday and we are going to talk about visulisation etc.

She reckons im focusing on the negative to much and what could go wrong or what hurdles i might come across rather than trying to focus on the positives.

I have read a few books. and tried to educate myself a bit better this time around. which i think i have done.

I like to know the science of things and what happening and why, i did quite a bit of read about labour and why it actually hurts.......

As for pain, it is important to remember that birth is MEANT to hurt. It is meant to be scary and overwhelming...that's why our bodies create a ****tail of hormones to help us cope. The more you can get lost within it (i.e. go into your "zone) the better you will cope. Things that helped me get into my zone were...ignoring people's questions, cuddling my DH, and vocalising my feelings (i.e. moaning and carrying on), stomping my feet and swaying my hips. I also asked for constant heat on my back.

Pain in labour is NOT pathological. It is not a problem that needs to be fixed. It is a necessary part of the process - the nerves that are experiencing the pain send signals to your body to produce more oxytocin, which increases the 'tempo' of the labour and therefore the dialtion of your cervix.

That actually explains it really well, i think if i can get my head around that during the actual labour it will help....my doula is really helping with this bit too!!

Interesting thread, thanks

[sasha]

As for pain, it is important to remember that birth is MEANT to hurt. It is meant to be scary and overwhelming...that's why our bodies create a ****tail of hormones to help us cope. The more you can get lost within it (i.e. go into your "zone) the better you will cope. Things that helped me get into my zone were...ignoring people's questions, cuddling my DH, and vocalising my feelings (i.e. moaning and carrying on), stomping my feet and swaying my hips. I also asked for constant heat on my back.

All this (apart from the cuddling bit... I do NOT want to be touched when I'm in labour LOL poor M!) I really wanted to be quiet and strong in labour the second time, and I've just had to come to terms with the fact that for me, coping means being loud. Knowing that, this time, is helpful. I know it will be intense and I will be loud, and I've told the midwives that, and the basic feedback was that they're fine with that, they're used to screaming and yelling and pooing and all other stuff that happens in natural labour! Water helped me too - I didn't actually want to birth in it (although I might change my mind this time) but I needed it to be nearby - T was born in the shower, S was born just after I'd got out of the bath.

Pain in labour is NOT pathological. It is not a problem that needs to be fixed. It is a necessary part of the process - the nerves that are experiencing the pain send signals to your body to produce more oxytocin, which increases the 'tempo' of the labour and therefore the dialtion of your cervix.

The book calls this a "positive feedback mechanism" (p. 190)

I needed to hear this, thank you. I've been feeling so inadequate lately because I can't get over how much it hurt the last two times, and how much I'm not looking forward to that pain again. With both previous births, I feel a bit shell-shocked afterwards, a little dazed at how huge an ordeal it was... and yet, I'm so able to bounce back within a day or two - I'm really myself again. I don't want to feel absent from the birth (and the pain relief options available would make me feel that way) so I'm definitely keen on a drug free birth, but I guess I just wanted someone to tell me that it's okay to feel the pain, rather than 'if you think of it as pain, you're not looking at it right.' I know that might work for others, but it just doesn't gel with me, somehow.

Wow, long response! Haha, obviously had more to say than I thought

[beckoes]

I really wanted to be quiet and strong in labour the second time, and I've just had to come to terms with the fact that for me, coping means being loud. Knowing that, this time, is helpful. I know it will be intense and I will be loud,



I guess I just wanted someone to tell me that it's okay to feel the pain, rather than 'if you think of it as pain, you're not looking at it right.'

Both these things ring true for me....i was almost embarassed when i got to the point where i felt i need to make a bit of noise and fuss....there were too many other people in the room, midwives etc and i felt too uncomfortable. hopfully with just DH and my doula and the occasional MW i will feel more at ease and confident to have a good stamp and scream if i need to.

And i think i also felt like i should just be able to cope...get on with it, all i could think was ''holy **** this hurts'' and i thought that was bad becasue all id read was telling me to think of iy as a positive pain. Im trying to get my head around it in a different way this time. So i know its going to hurt like crazy but thats ok. IYKWIM