Funny things you said in labour

^ LOL you poor thing, what an ordeal!! Hahaha that last bit reminds me of my first daughter's birth, I had her at 2:17pm and we were on the ward sleeping when another woman was wheeled in at around 3am the next morning after an emergency C... the midwife read the card on DD1's crib and said, 'Oh, that lady over there named her daughter Emily, too.'
I then took my phone to the toilet, called DH (this was about 4am) and screamed down the phone, 'THAT B***H STOLE OUR NAME! We have to think of a new one! But we had it first! This is sooo unfair!!' and raved about it for nearly ten whole minutes before he told me to shut up, go back to sleep and we'd talk about it in the morning :D

Haha... that's so funny... and it's all such a big deal when you're full of hormones etc... lol. What can you do though? At least we have humourous stories to tell the grandkids! The birthing part is traumatic even if it goes smoothly... gosh, u seemed to have an interesting one with DD2. I often wonder if there's any midwives who haven't made it out alive!! haha... we seem to say and do things that we don't intend to do!

I had a few funny moments during the birth of DD. Early on I had an unfortunate moment when I was mid contraction and needed to spew and wee (too many parts trying to point at one toilet at one time!), but wait a minute, that is a lot of wee....called the midwife and said “I was being sick and a lot of liquid came out”. She said my membranes may have ruptured, which is exactly what I thought but for some reason I had decided to tell her by giving her cryptic clues??? Not sure what I was thinking.

Later on the midwife did an internal exam which was probably only 1/2 hour since the last one when I'd been 2-3cm. She said calmly “it's time to ring Dr X” and walked out the room. When she came back in I asked how dilated I was (I didn't know exactly what point they called in the ob) and she said 10cm. I exclaimed “Why didn't some one tell me I was in transition!” I remember the midwife from our classes saying they would know when we were in transition, and apparently I was ****ed off that I'd got from 2-3cms to 10 and not been informed when I was in transition!

After the quick labour my body went into shock and was doing some whole body uncontrollable shaking. I announced to the room "I'm just a bit cold", though DH told me later the heater was turned up high, I was covered in blankets and the others in the room were about to pass out from the heat - err no you are not just a bit cold!

When I was born and they placed me on Mum's chest and the midwife said "awww isn't she beautiful giver her a kiss" to which my mother replied "Ewwwww no she's ugly and slimy and digusting, you kiss her!"


I was in hdelivery with my bestie for both her labours and with the first they had the gas up a little high and the room started spinning and she suddenly goes "Oh wow, it's like being in a car wash without the water!"


I have no doubt I will say something totally inappropriate and stupid when my time is here, I usually do, but at our IVF clinic's Xmas party a few weeks ago when my FS asked how I was doing I told him to make sure he had his phone on at all times in April as I had every intention of calling him to come in just so I could scream "You b@#$%rd, you did this to me!" at someone!

The midwife I had during DD1's labour thought DH was a crack-up... between pushing I was moaning about how much pain I was in, and poor DH was standing next to me, holding my hand and saying, 'I'm sorry, babe,' over and over... the midwife said, 'It's unusual that the men apologise for putting the missus in this position, usually they're hiding in the bathroom while mum throws things in his direction screaming, 'You did this to meee!''... DH said, 'Oh, I'm not sorry I put her in this situation, just sorry I can't do anything to help her out right now... it looks pretty intense!' lol :/

i was so worried about putting everyone else first
so when my midwife asked, "was it ok to fly interstate"
WHILE i was in labour, i said "of course, you go do what you have to do"

LOL some of these are very funny haha.
i did the usual "i cant do this anymore.." "oh but you are.." was the reply i recieved lol.
` "a vodka wouldnt hurt right about now LOL"
once i was on the gas i didnt really make a sound. i actually dont remember between getting the gas and then having to get up on my hands and knees to push (was nearly 2 hours i think)

willow and emjah... pmsl!!!!!!

I didn't say anything exciting, but I do remember exclaiming "Why the hell did I want to do this naturally, obviously I thought I was a f**in superhero!"

Turns out I was a superhero, and managed to get through!! Though I am tihnking i might just take the drugs next time....

omigod these are hilarious!! Especially 'You've got blood on your face' I'm still pmsl!!!

With DS I was given gas first which they kept turning up, I kept passing out only to be woken by XP pulling the tube out of my mouth. I kept snatching it back. I loved the gas!

They then gave me pethidine, and I think once it got into my system my waters broke and I remember thinking how warm and pleasant it felt. But at that exact moment my body started folding like origami, I couldn't control what was happened and ended up yelling at XP to get the middie. I thought I was having an epileptic fit...turns out it was just my body pushing.

I only remember saying a couple of things, when DS was born and they kinda threw him at my chest I looked at him, then at XP and said 'He looks like an octopus'.

I remember saying 'ouch' when they were stitching my episiotomy up, and they gave me a local.

When MIL and my mum came in, I was so out of it from the gas and pethidine that when they saw DS I said 'Look what we made' and when they asked me what drugs I was on I kept saying 'meffaaaadone' I must have sounded and looked like a heroin addict! XP thought it was funny though.

See how we go with this one :)

There are two things I remember when DS was being born......

First was when the Doc was trying to break my water, and he was fishing around in there for what seemed like AGES and I said "What do you think you're doing, digging for GOLD"

Second was after the epidural had been done and I said to the Anethiesiologist....."I know they say this in all the movies, but I do sincerely love you"

:)

I spent all day today checking in periodically until I got through all 10 pages. What a hilarious thread!

Mine weren't any funny moments, but in my son's birth (induction), I kept saying to my husband "oh god, make this stop" to which he replied "I can't, what do you want me to do?" - it wasn't until after the fact that I told him how useless he was and that was the last thing I needed to hear.

I remember yelling when a contraction would start "oh god not another" followed by a long "ooooooowwwwwwww" MW would say "just breath" - I snapped back "breathing doesn't make it hurt less".....poor bugger. When the epidural started working, she smiled at me and said "so we have nice Chris back do we"......:redface:

Once I was pushing - completely numb from the epidural - DH was rubbing my leg and telling me how good I was doing - I just looked at him and said "for starters, I can't feel a thing so don't bother, secondly, the verbal encouragement would have been better suited earlier when I was in pain - not now".......poor bugger. He did well under the circumstances.

I'm due again at any time with our second baby and have put him through the ringer to be a better support this time - we'll see what happens!

At one point I'd had so much gas I was doubled over a pillow and asked DP to put a hand on either side of my face and hold my head up, so I could still get the mouthpiece in.

The midwife told me if I couldn't hold my head up they'd have to turn the gas down.........I told her of couse i could hold my own head up I just wanted him to do it for me.

I don't think she beleived me and probably turned it down anyway ;p

The walked in to do my epidural, I took one look at him and turned to DP and whispered - "there's no way he's old enough to be a doctor" DP laughs at me, turns out my idea of a whisper at that point was kind of warped.

Doc tells me I'll still feel some contractions after epi so I can have gas for a bit longer....I may have exaggerated about feeling some of those contractions in order to keep the gas a bit longer ;)

Towards the end of things the midwife tells me I'll need to let the epiural wear off once I feel pressure down there, when I do I tell the midwife and she tells me I'll need to stop clicking my epidural top up, I say sorry what was that **click click** :lol:

When I was in labour with DD2 I was howling and groaning and DP said "ssssh, it's okay" trying to soothe me. I replied "Shoosh me again and I'll punch you!"

I was being turned over because I had a spinal block (emergency c-section) and while being turned over on the bed, all I could say was 'Wheeeeeee!'

Apparently it's the first time the anethestic assistant had heard anything like that in the 5yrs they'd worked in maternity... I was dopped up to my eyeballs in happy gas, pethedine + was completely sleep deprived

:bump:

Anyone have any other funny stories to share?

MR I was just thinking about this thread yesterday!!

I said many 'interesting' things, similar to what's been said already (Yes, DH is very lucky his head wasn't put through the wall for telling me yet again what an 'awesome job' I was doing!) but DH said something I'll never forget....

DD was posterior so my OB had to turn her with his hands then she was vacuumed out. When the OB was doing this I asked DH how things looked at the business end and he said 'Looks good, he's got every tool in the shed up there!' :rofl:

wasnt me, was my OB....

came in at 7pm to check my progress before going home for dinner ;) ( thought id delver round 10pm, was 7pm at thid stage) lifts the blanket and moves my legs coz ive got a epidural and says "WHOA!!!! im not going home now!"
DD's head was nearly popping out! :lol:

then comes out with " wait dont go anywhere ill just grab a coffee and get changed ready to go!!!" :rofl: i said " ummmm unless u have a little trolley thing with wheels to drag my legs along in im not going anywhere!!!" poor OB just laughed when he realised what he'd said given i had a epi!

LOL what an awesome thread, im going to have to read it all over a few days i think.

I havent really said a whole lot myself. With #1, i whispered something to DH and he didnt hear me so he came right up close and said "what did u say?", i whispered again "get me some f%@&ing DRUGS!!" all in a whisper lol, ive never seen him move so fast. He shouldnt have bothered though, all the drugs started working after DD was born.

With #5, my OB walked in the room and i announced to her very firmly "Ive had enough of this, im tired, can i go home and come back and do this tomorrow?" to which she replied back a very firm "No". Then just before DD was born i said to her "I cant do this", ob replied "come on, what do u think shes going to crawl out? u need to push", shortly after she tells me "stop pushing", i said to her "im not!!" (and i seriously wasnt), ob says "oh ok then". DD was born shortly after and ob announces to me "well, she did end up crawling out herself didnt she".

With #7, it was more what the OB said too. He broke my waters and i remember feeling them seeping under my feet, in my head i was having a chuckle to myself going "should i warn him he's going to get wet if he doesnt move?.....................NAH!!" lollllll so i sat back and waited for the reaction cos he was leaning against my foot. Next thing u heard the mw go "youre getting WET!!", his reaction? he looked down, stood up casually and goes "oh so i have, oh well, not the first time its happened, no big deal, just have to go change my scrubs". then he casually walked over to the sink, took of his gloves, washed his hands and walked out saying "Well at least this time i can say the wet patch wasnt caused by me". He then gave me the cheekiest grin (and he was hot too i might add) and left.................left me sitting there with my mouth wide open flabbergasted LMAO. Far out that was funny, not something u expect to come out of an OB's mouth.

I was present at my sisters oldest four children's births and her first she kept saying "I'm a fool" over and over and over and over again... was rather amusing... she was only 15 so it fitted the case quite nicely.... still don't let her live it down... (lucky she finds it funny too)

DD1 was a scary time, but the only thing I managed funny was as the bed was getting moved up, it squeaked, and I said ' the bed is saying get off fat pig lol'

DD2 was a little more relaxed, I managed things like
'told you they don't just fall out' to DH!
'now lets organise this vasectomy' to my doctor while pushing her out
I know there is more, but I can not remember them all now...

With DD I was induced, so had a precautionary epi put in the night before in case I went into labour overnight - whilst they were inserting the epi "Dammit I'm not supposed to be here, I'm meant to be at home cooking the lamb roast I took out this morning!"

And as my Dr walked through the door after DD's birth - "You're late. I've done all the hard work already" To which he just laughed and walked over to where she was being weighed and measured by the midwives

DD2 was posterior, i was only 9 cm and my body was pushing without my consent. ;) I couldn't stop it, but i wasn't quite fully dilated as she wasn't putting the right pressure on my cervix. So my OB helped to turn her during two contractions. Whilst he was doing it, I told him..... ok, i kinda screamed at him... "I wish you had a ****ing vag1na" . :lol:

I had fast labours so the contractions were on top of each other from the beginning. I remember with DS2 - who was a 3 hour labour - saying to the mw "where is my 5 minute break between contractions that I was promised. I want my break".

And with DS1, after being in denial about being in labour and telling them when I arrived that I wasn't in labour yet, after I'd been there a while, they asked me to lie on my back for an internal and a contraction hit while I was on my back - "oh, I think I'm in labour" I said. They all laughed - I was the last to catch on!!

All I remember that was funny was when after nearly 24 hours of pain I gave in and asked for an epi, once it kicked in I kept muttering gleefully about how "my legs have gone to the dentist"... My mum was cracking up.

I kept reminding DF in the blissful minute between contractions while literally racing 140km/h in the car just so we made to the bossy on time 'omg Benny were going to be parents' then as soon as he was born and placed on my chest the first thing I said was 'look at the size of his junk!' :o :doh:

When I had Aimee, I had my mum, little sister and the bf in the room with me. I went into labour on my ex's birthday and refused to open my legs for the doctor to examine me til after midnight. But with each contraction it was getting harder and harder to keep them closed. Finally after mdnight I was examined and was still only 5cm so I was given the gas much to me not wanting it but the pain was unbearable (being only 20, pain is not my best friend lol). The only weird things I said was to the bf who was sleeping on the floor, was "get over here before I get off this fire truck of a bed and make you push it out" (we didn't find out the sex of baby). Due to my little sister (only being 12 at the time) being in the room I tried to keep things as nice and non language as possible.