Funny things you said in labour

During my sisters labour she fell asleep as she had an epi and the midwife woke her up saying it's time to push now hun. My sister just turned around and said "f!@# off i need some more sleep i am still tired" hahahaha.
This might not have anything to do with labour but about a week after my neices birth my sister was showing her friend pics of my neice being born.After staring at the pics for like 10 mins she turn to my sis and said pointing to the first pic ( where you can just see my neices head coming out ) and said "ok i ahev been thinking about thsi for while but whats that and how come i don't have one of them/" Needles to say she is a bit blonde hahahahahaha

I asked the midwife to "please knock me out as it would be so much easier" when i was 7cms dilated and getting an epidural... she just smiled and said no so i said i want a c section and she told me whie trying not to laugh that i should have thought of that a few weeks ago!
i also felt left out when everyone was checking out Isaac's head as he was coming out so i whined that i wanted to see it so excitedly asked if i could touch it which surprised the ob a bit!

I told DH I loved him, which by all accounts is a funny thing to say in labour as most would be yelling abuse at him.
Didn't say anything else funny. Did have the midwife ask if a paramedic could watch the birth for their training and whilst I just said yes. I was thinking bring the whole hospital in I don't care I just want to have this baby.

when they placed my nephew on my sil chest she said "ewww get it off its slimmy"

Haha all this stuff is pure gold! WIsh I had this to read before giving birth.

At bout 3 hours into it, DH left for home to 'organise some music' for me to labour to. Home was only a 15 min drive away. I didn't particularly care abt what music was in the background but he seemed to think it was important.

He didn't come back for 2 hours!! My contractions were still quite mild and I then decided I really really wanted an Opotos Chili Chicken burger, so sms-ed DH to pick some up on his way back. I have since looked at the message and it was something like this: "Hi hun, do u think u can pick up Oportos on ur way back pls not urgent but wld be nice thanks luv"

10 mins later when contractions started getting serious, i sent another, much shorter message: "noburgernot hungry"

And then i was boring until 8 hours later when my waters broke just before i delivered DD. I had been asking repeatedly when they wld break. WHen it finally happened I recall saying this:

"There's something wet and squishy! WET AND SQUISHY!!!" and midwife says I tried to shove it all back in!

I love this thread, it's a must for all to read, although I do think it's funnier after you have had a baby.

How funny is this thread, i've had a good laugh. I love the eat the apple one haha can just imagine. While using the gas, I exclaimed 'Wow I'm on Mars!' Do not know where that came from, but apparently everyone had a good laugh. Also I remember grabbing onto a midwife and screaming 'Help meeeeeee i think i'm dying'. I think a lot of us have done the whole knock me out and do a c section!!

With my 3rd, who was posterior and big, the doc said "one more push". One push later and not out, so he said to push again. I told him "you promised just one more push" I cried and then said " You broke your promise so you it get out yourself!" Obviously I pushed again! With bub 5 i was bearing down while standing up and told the midwife to catch him. My waters broke all over the poor woman and i burst into fits of laughter while my son did come out.

This thread is awesome!
I remember asking if my dog was ok (because of course DH would have left me in labour to go all the 3way home to check on our dog who would have been tucked up in bed anyway!). Then thought I better follow it up by asking if the baby was ok too!

When DS was born we didn't know the gender, and i would have loved it to be a girl, but my first thought on seeing him (i couldn't speak) was "thank god it's a boy- he'll never have to go thru THAT again".

*bump*

OMG! PMSL!
:ROFL:
With DD1 I fell pg at 17. Mum wasn't happy & I kept saying during labour - I can't do this, why didn't I listen to you?
I had gas & pethidine & I was seeing purple sparkly flowers! I passed out 3 times from sucking on the gas too hard & woke up yelling 'Ow, what's going on!' with the next contraction.
When I was in transition I made sure DH would get to cut the cord, then when the MW pulled the tray of tools over I stopped & looked at her horrified & said 'your not going to cut me are you??'
When she was born noone bothered to tell me she was a girl. We couldn't tell in the u/s. I had to ask! I thought it'd be a bit wierd lifting her leg up for a look!

With DD2 I nearly bit DH's thumb. He saw me & moved it away just as I got it to my mouth!
I swore alot this time - no drugs, & I was up over the end of the bed. When DD's head came out the MW asked DH to come have a look. I grabbed his hands & said 'don't f*cking move!!'
When she was born they just made sure she made it onto the bed safely & let me be the first to touch her.
The MW said 'Now sit down over your baby & pick her up'. I sat down & just looked at her. She didn't look like DD1, I wasn't expecting that.
The MW had to tell me to pick her up again coz I was just staring at her!

With DS I was watching the clock & worrying about DH missing the whole thing. I refused to have the baby without him there. I was saying to MIL wher is he? As if she'd know! she was with me! She did keep ringing him to check for me though bless her.
When in transition I MADE the MW get me the pethidine. I refused the gas as I hyperventilated on it too easily. She tried to make me have it, but I wasn't going there!
Anyway, she went to get the pethidine. She might've been gone 10 minutes & I kept saying Where is she...tell her to hurry up! I got my pethidine 10 minutes before he was born.
Then I started telling them to cut it out. Then when he was crowning I was yelling 'Just pull it out!!'
'Get it out of me!!'.
The MW said to me about 10 minutes after 'Now you'll start feeling a bit shaky coz the pethidine would be just starting to kick in. A bit late...But then she knew that!
Then I felt something on my chest & remembered why I was there. A baby!!! It was then I realised that I'd had my eyes closed for the whole hour & a half DH was there.

While in labour there were 2 Peadiatricians in the room 'waiting' for me to deliver. I told them they had time to go make popcorn if they wanted?! Very unnerving trying to push a baby out when people are standing aroung 'waiting'!!

Lol! I had the gas in the last hour(15hours) and it was the weirdest thing ive ever felt, its like you are in a tunnel, so when my sis in law or dp were talking to me it was like an echo. I remember DP was asking me if he could leave while he went to the toilet i think, and sis in law asked if it was ok and she said she would stay with me. I couldnt remember her name and all i could say was "Joel's mum".."joel's mum".

My sis in law told me when Logan's head was crowning DP goes "far out thats a big head!", lucky i didnt hear him lol.

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I also remember telling the anethetist "Ouch! That's my ****ing back!" (

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ROFPMSL!!! You'd think after studying anatomy for a million years the anaesthetist would know it was your back, LOL.
And Megimoppit - classic about 'I bet you say that to everyone'.
LOL, this is great stuff. I don't think I said anything funny. I was too offended by the pain LOL.

I did a couple weird/funny things...

* I went into labour on a Saturday, the last day of May and for some reason I REALLY wanted a May baby (don't ask why cz I just don't know lol) and I was due to be induced on the Monday and was adamant they were NOT inducing me, no way, no how. I was yelling at my partner 'See I like this baby already, it does what mummy wants'.

* I sat through the whole Saturday night movie (it was Starsky and Hutch btw) cz I knew I wouldn't have a tv in the birthing suite.

* I got into the bath at home and was there for ages, finally making dp call the hospital to see if I could come in (having being in labour for 6 hrs already) and while he was on the phone I said 'I feel like a whale' and was making whale noises and laughing (I was greeted at the hospital as 'whale lady' lol)

* When we were admitted there was another lady giving birth down the hall I was laughing at the noises she was making and saying I thought she sounded like a tiger.

* I refused to believe I was in labour and wouldnt believe until I had my internal. I got so excited, then I sh@t myself and tried to leave. lol

* I had wanted a girl and was a little dissappointed at first I was having a boy that the whole labour I was saying 'It's not too late, you can still be a little girl'.

* I kept apologising cz I swore twice, even though I swear more than that in my day to day.

* I made dp come with me to the toilet cz I was afraid he'd change his mind and leave.

* I got mad at him watching Aiden crowning cz I didn't want him to see my downstairs like that.

I'm an odd kid clearly lol...

Oh..
Just after DD was delivered she started crying (i assume most/all babies do)...
DP stoned off her face on gas starts to get hysterical .. "WHYYYYY is she crying????" ...

DP was also 8cm before having a peth/morph? injection, and it was the first and pretty much only time she swore through the whole labor. There may have been a couple more but none like when she got the injection.. quote:
"F$#@ F#$@ F#@#@$@!!!!!" .... You would think it hurt more than being in labor? I couldnt help but laugh when that came out.

With Emma my first I was alone in the hospital when my waters broke as i had been in for a week with high BP. I told them to phone my MUm and hubby, the midwife asked me if i was sure, i would still be a long time and it was 3 in the morning. I told her to ring my Mum NOW every minute i kept yelling at them to ring my MUm i didnt stop till hubby and MUm came in the door. My labour was 4 hours .

With Hamish i was in the shower at the hospital and all had left to have breaks etc, hubby was just outside the room updating family, when Hamish stated to crown, i yelled out DOES ANYONE WORK HERE, lol and help me oh please help me. I had a 40 minute labour

With Lachlan i was in the shower again, i turned it off , it annoyed me and i told everyone that it did so, Mum arrived when i was getting out, she looked at hubby and said another quick one, he said yep. The midwife looked at them and said how fast was the last, when we said 40 minutes she bolted out the room. LOL they were not ready for me to have a baby.
The dr came in and asked me to get on the bed, i looked at her and said your kidding.
during transition the midwife said to me , baby is coming. I said back I think i know. My MUm laughed, i also said to mum an hubby why did i choose the natural side i should have gone to the side with the drugs. LOL i had a 55 minute labour.

DF found it amusing that I didnt swear, nd that I stopped mid screams to say please & thank you

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Oh..
Just after DD was delivered she started crying (i assume most/all babies do)...
DP stoned off her face on gas starts to get hysterical .. "WHYYYYY is she crying????" ...

DP was also 8cm before having a peth/morph? injection, and it was the first and pretty much only time she swore through the whole labor. There may have been a couple more but none like when she got the injection.. quote:
"F$#@ F#$@ F#@#@$@!!!!!" .... You would think it hurt more than being in labor? I couldnt help but laugh when that came out.

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I'll have you know injections hurt! Although I had mine in my back, DURING a contraction - I whaled like a freaking banshee!

At some stage I turned around to my mum and said "Why didn't you tell me it was going to be this bad!!". I also through the gas mask across the room when she kept offering it to me. Next time I'll be informing her of my birth plan in case she does end up there.

I was cautious not to swear because my grandma was there and I didn't want to swear in front of her. I would also scream between contractions and tell anyone that spoke to me to shut the hell up, but like Sal would say please and thankyou, or apologise profusely every time I burped!

well i had a few funny things while using the gas.
when i first started using it everytime someone looked at me i would laugh and hide under the pillow.
DH had a jumper that had a zipper go across the middle of it and i thought it was a mouth talkin to me.
I kept making horse noises.
when the midwives changed shifts the new one turned the gas down lower then wat i first started out with so when she walked away i told DH to turn it back up she popped her head around the corner and told me that he cant do that. when i thought she left again i was told him to turn it up again when she leaves the room. then i hear a i am still in here so i reply with no ur not lol.
also when the midwife told me it would be a hr b4 they would check me to see if i could have a epi i started yelling really really loud. it only took them about 10min till they checked me and i was aloud the epi lol.

This stuff is classic GOLD!!!!

With DD1 I was sucking on gas having a HUGE episiotomy stitched. I told the Doc he can just keep on going and stitch the whole thing up, cos there is NO WAY a single thing is going in or coming out of there EVER AGAIN!!!!

And then with DD2 I had a very quick labour. DH missed it. At one stage the MW asked me if I would like to just breathe through a few contractions and give him a bit more time to get there. I said "HELL NO! he's seen it all before, lets get it over with!"

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DF found it amusing that I didnt swear, nd that I stopped mid screams to say please & thank you

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OMG! Me too! I do occasionally swear IRL, and during the pushing stage I was saying things like "Ouch, that hurts!".

Plus, I said bottom, not bum, because I didn't want my OB to think I had a potty mouth!

:redface::lol:

I've said it before and I'll say it again, this is my favorite all time thread!

I was like some of you, I thought I would swear like a banshee, but whe ds was crwoning all i could muster was an owe owe owe owe.

I didn't swear at all with DD1.

I remember with DD1 a MW stuck her head in at the end of a push when the contraction wasn't quite over & I screamed out 'Oooh fuuuuuuuu*!!!'
She said is everything OK? I was thinking I'm giving birth you twit! What do you expect??
That I say calmly - Well thats a tad uncomfortable.

i was saying to dp the whole time i didnt want to do it now im to tired and will come back tomorrow and have him i had been having contractions for 4 days at 25 mins apart

I had an emergency c/s and hardly went thru a proper labour at all but remember telling the dr that if he wanted to do a tummy tuck while he was there then go ahead.

I love this thread BTW, makes me jealous a bit

as she was crowning i called out ' owwww my bum' and then 'ohhhhhh yyyeeeeaahhh' as she came gushin out.

This is the BEST bump MR ;)

I haven't stopped laughing :rofl:

I am another that always says "OMG IT"S a REAL baby!!!! mmmm

DS7 my DD13 was at his birth - she kept trying to give me a drink through a straw and sticking it up my nostril. I was in deep transition and just couldn't talk. I tried to but the words didnt come out right... Get this straw out! was all I could softly mutter. DH kept asking What? Finally I said get the *&*&ing straw out of my nose! DD13 (was 6 at the time) said Mum it's not okay to use those words....

DD4: I had been mucking around a bit much - enjoying my labour in the pool and had my kids in and out. I asked for the time and was told it was 10.15pm - I said WHAT???!!! I asked to be checked for dilatation - only 7 centimetres. I was devastated. I leaned over the side of the pool and looked into my SIL eyes (she has had no kids but been at 2 of my other births) and said I just have to do this don't I? She looked at me like I had 20 heads and said ... "Well yes Deb...."
Within the next couple of contractions I pushed with everything I had and I felt Evie slide out and felt that massive relief that you feel when that baby is born. I growled in that primal voice that only a woman that's just pushed out a baby uses... "She's out!" DH said, yes Sweety it won't be long now. The Midwife said "you're doing so well"... I said no she's out! The midwife bolted up and said "are you sure" and I said yes as I felt around in the dark (only candles!) for her. The torch light hit her beautiful body as I was bringing her up to take her first breath! Everyone cheered. It was really funny - and a story she loves to hear!

After lasting as long as I could on just the gas, I finally gave in to the pethidene. I told DH that I was going to divorce him so I could marry the pethidene!

With my first i have gas and it wasnt doing much so i threw the tube across the room... I told my DP "I need something" so he asked them for something for pain relief... She comes over picks up the tube and said just keep sucking on this and i was like its not working when she said oh ok i'll turn it up i apparently said "f**k why didnt you turn it up the first time i'm having a freakin baby u know" after 15 mins and contractions every like 30 sec (had my waters broken and made things very hard and fast) i asked for more pain relief so they put pethadine (spl) in the drip and while i was screming during a contraction the MW jabbed me in the leg... i yelled at her that it bloody hurt and she said she thought it would be ok as i would be concentrating on the contractions and i told her" Like i wouldnt notice a needle jabbing my freakin leg" Also i told DP i hated him for making it happen to me. and telling the MW's off oh also my DP tells everyone that when i couldnt push anymore the MW told me they would get the suction so i replyed "good suck the bloody thing out"

My second was very quick (induced with 1 lot of gel and 2 hours later bubs arrived) i was taken up top the labour ward an hour and a 45 mins after the gel with bad contractions me crying begging DP to help me and asking why he wasnt helping. they were puching me so fast ( 8 cm dilated with a show... didnt believe the gel would work so quick) i said slow down or you'kll give the baby a head cold.... the wind was whistling up my gown.... :cryinglaugh: then when we got there i asked for pain relief so they gave me gas and 1st beg suck i said (quite loud i'm told) "F**k this is good stuff"and 3 mins later and 1 push bubs popped out and i didnt even know... (too high from the weird gas.... The gas makes things sound like there echoing.... its hard to descibe but like i said then "good stuf" lol

I love these stories!

Deb - that story is just beautiful!

I don't remember doing anything too hilarious during labour, apart from yelling at poor DH constantly and telling the OB over and over again 'I can't do this, it is NEVER going to come out!', to which he would reply 'Yes, you can' and I would say "NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, I REALLY CAN'T DO THIS!'. I guess he was right in the end!

These are great- I can't believe how much some of you were talking! I was so absorbed by the pain and the process I didn't say much. I remember Kelly having a chuckle when I said thanks every time I passed back the water which I asked for in between pretty much every contraction. Also after I had been pushing for about 2 hours the midwife did one of her quick checks of bubba's heartbeat and said "Baby is fine"- I replied "They are not fine! They're still in there!" and she laughed at me.

we were meant to be having great pizza at our local fave that night, i went into labour at 430 am, with dh father and close friends of ours, and im not sure at which stage i said, "oh i was really looking forward to pizza!"

and also to the midwife who asked did i want to go to the bathroom, i replied " yeah id love to but ill have another freakin contraction " i really said freakin too. pretty good for a potty mouth like me. thought id swear like a trooper, but s#%t was the most serious word i used!

:rofl: These are great! I remember i was saying some pretty crazy things when i was on the gas but i can't remember anything spacific.
I do remember when it came to pushing DS out all i kept thinking was i soo don't want to poo myself. I kept asking the MW is there poo coming out? and I'm so sorry if i poo myslef... is that poo? :cryinglaugh: Of course it was the baby's but i was so paranoid about pooing myself!

with my first 5 all i said was i want to go home now and sure enough they were born within 5 mins but with number 6 i was humming the skipping song from the nightmere on elm street (1,2 freddies comming for you) my dh was very amuzed thgat i was humming this and in between contraction i just kept saying come on sam i cant do this all on my own and asking the midwife if she was sure i would poo myself(sam was a breech birth and they had told me not to worry but i was sure to poo myself from the strain) and now my boy has this chuckle that almost sounds evil and dh says it all my fault for humming freddy while he was being born.

pmsl , i love this thread ..

when the pushing started the MW asked me to put the gas away ... i told her "NO"

half way through the pushing stage , i said " i am sooo over this "

then not too long after that i said " just get her out , use the vacum ... "
then i asked the midwife ( quite abruptly ) to stick her hand up there and pull it out ....

of course " i need to poo " came out every push ...

then just before she was born i yelled : get this F***ing thing out "

then whe she was born (and its on video) i said OMG its a baby ... like der what else would it be ...

While in Labour with DD1 I told DH I was never having sex again. Well obviously I did, now that I am 37 weeks with DD3!!

During labour the midwives were saying "you are coping really well" to which I screamed back "I am not bloody coping, I cant do it!"

At the pushing stage i was saying "just suck her out of me with the vacum cleaner" over and over again.

During the stitching, I screamed with pain and DP told me I wasn't sucking on the gas properly (he had plenty of practise during my labour as I gave it to him to have). Anyway this infuriated me and I said "I am ****ing sucking on the gas properly don't tell me how to ****ing suck on it!!!!" Then I was horrified at what I said and said "I cant believe I just swore in front of my daughter!"
After the whole thing I said to the midwife to go and tell all the other women in the birthing suites that I didn't mean to scream & shout & grown and it wasn't that bad. I also told the midwife that I didn't really mean the part about it not hurting but not to tell them that.

Hehe this thread is hysterical. I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with ds. But for some reason, during labour the thought was so appealing I told the mw "I am only pushing if you promise me I can have a #$@&ing ciggerette when this is over!!" Of course, she promised. And I quite stupidly took her up on the offer.

About 10 minutes after I was stitched i said to ds "Next baby we have, you're filming it". He thought I'd really lost my mind, talking about the next time already.

:rofl: Ali, especially at you swearing in front of your dd....