Help me prevent fear in Labour......please (long)

[kateo]

I suffer from PTSD after several poor experiences at the hospital I have to give birth at.

Last year I was 41 weeks when my daughter, Ellen, died inutero and I was induced to give birth to her. During early labour my space was invaded by mental health workers who were asked to leave my room but continued a mental health assessment despite me asking them to leave (I was having contractions and found it very difficult to concentrate on what they were saying). They only left when support person asked them to (she happened to be a social worker).

Generally we were reasonably well supported by staff but I was discharged less than 24 hours after giving birth and no follow up midcall was arranged. I thought this was because I didn't deserve it as I'd let my daughter die. I was very scared about how to look after myself post-birth.

I am now 26 weeks and I have to attend the same hospital to give birth. I still have issues with PTSD and added to that the trauma of losing my daughter. One major factor is that when I'm stressed I tend to stutter to the point that I am nearly unable to speak, which makes communication difficult. I tend to nod to try and get words out.

I have been reading a lot of good information here about reducing fear in labour being a very good thing. I know I will be induced early to have this baby to try and prevent a second stillbirth. I am scared of having an epidural, so I don't want one but I am allergic to aneasthetic if emergency c/s is needed. I am not keen on drugs interfering with natural birth.
I know there is a 'cascade of intervention' once I begin an induction. How can I arrange to manage my fear and make things as positive as possible?
Even small idea would be welcome, as I am currently trying to write a "birth flow chart" so I can have some pre-warning if things go wrong. This is different to a "birth plan" as it accepts things are unlikely to go smoothly and lets me make decisions in advance depending on what might happen.

[Miss.B]

Hugs hugs hun. I can perfectly understand your fears especially after you've had a stillborn baby. One thing that pops into my mind is a doula, would you consider getting one? And the other thing is, why are you scared of an epi? Actually that is a silly question as I was petrified too, but I had to have a c/s and I had to have a spinal block for obvious reasons and I tell you, it did not hurt at all. I only freaked out when I couldn't feel my legs, but a close friend had two epis and told me what to expect so I wasn't as freaked out. Hun, the chances of you having a stillborn again are miniscule. So if you are scared that the drugs might harm the baby, don't be as they don't. GL sweetie, I hope all goes well for the reminder of your pg and for your labour!

[kateo]

I am scared of an Epi as I have areas of numbness in both my legs that are undiagnosed as yet. I am worried that an epi might increase these problems and I am a horse riding coach and trainer as my profession.

[Miss.B]

Fair enough hun. I also meant to say that I'm really sorry you've lost your Ellen . I'm sure she'll be watching over you to make sure everything will go smoothly

[melbel]

Have you thought about doing a calmbirthing course now and practising the breathing techniques religiously from now on....I know I suffer from acute anxiety and it helped me to use the breathing techiniques even now outside of the birthing situation it helps me to slow down the racing thoughts and keep the panic to a tolerable level.

[Saffy]

I agree with melbel, a calmbirth course would be perfect for you, a doula is a good option too. Hope things go smoothly for you this time hun, you deserve it.

[onthefly]

I was going to suggest calmbirth or hypnobirth also. I guess you're also having counselling already? And an experienced doula or your own independent midwife would be really invaluable - having someone else there just for you.

Cascade of intervention is possible with an induction, but not necessarily a given. You do also have options in how you proceed with the induction, so that's somethin gyou can discuss with your carers. Perhaps also you could talk to the anaesthetist about your fears regarding the epi? Or some other specialist?

I really hope you are able to have a beautiful birth experience this time kateo

[LionsandBears]

What you're feeling is normal. I think the idea of a doula or IM is great.

I'm currently, slowly, using Mindfulness training (which combines counselling and meditation) to try to overcome fear of birth and hospitals. I dont know if you have that option near you. Specific hypnotherapy may also help. I use the hypnobabies program for birth preparation but may need specific one to one session with someone to tackle certain parts.

Also make sure your DH is addressing his fear too. The less adrenalin in the birth space the better as fear stalls labour. You also need him on board as your support. If he starts freaking out you may end up with more interventions.
Perhaps talk to a hospital social worker about your concerns, if thete's any good ones.

As for the stuttering, take a notepad and pen with you. Write a clear, short birth plan in advance. Make up a couple of signs you can point too, such as "please dont talk to me during a contraction", "I need more information", "i need to think about that, please give me some time to consider", "please dont offer me drugs" etc.

Get agreement in advance to start the induction slowly and if they insist on monitoring, that you move around. I jumped off the bed and paced even when tied to the CTG. Arrange the use of a TENS machine in advance.

A calmbirth course can help with breathing, birth plan etc.