I suffer from PTSD after several poor experiences at the hospital I have to give birth at.
Last year I was 41 weeks when my daughter, Ellen, died inutero and I was induced to give birth to her. During early labour my space was invaded by mental health workers who were asked to leave my room but continued a mental health assessment despite me asking them to leave (I was having contractions and found it very difficult to concentrate on what they were saying). They only left when support person asked them to (she happened to be a social worker).
Generally we were reasonably well supported by staff but I was discharged less than 24 hours after giving birth and no follow up midcall was arranged. I thought this was because I didn't deserve it as I'd let my daughter die. I was very scared about how to look after myself post-birth.
I am now 26 weeks and I have to attend the same hospital to give birth. I still have issues with PTSD and added to that the trauma of losing my daughter. One major factor is that when I'm stressed I tend to stutter to the point that I am nearly unable to speak, which makes communication difficult. I tend to nod to try and get words out.
I have been reading a lot of good information here about reducing fear in labour being a very good thing. I know I will be induced early to have this baby to try and prevent a second stillbirth. I am scared of having an epidural, so I don't want one but I am allergic to aneasthetic if emergency c/s is needed. I am not keen on drugs interfering with natural birth.
I know there is a 'cascade of intervention' once I begin an induction. How can I arrange to manage my fear and make things as positive as possible?
Even small idea would be welcome, as I am currently trying to write a "birth flow chart" so I can have some pre-warning if things go wrong. This is different to a "birth plan" as it accepts things are unlikely to go smoothly and lets me make decisions in advance depending on what might happen.
Hugs hugs hun. I can perfectly understand your fears especially after you've had a stillborn baby. One thing that pops into my mind is a doula, would you consider getting one? And the other thing is, why are you scared of an epi? Actually that is a silly question as I was petrified too, but I had to have a c/s and I had to have a spinal block for obvious reasons and I tell you, it did not hurt at all. I only freaked out when I couldn't feel my legs, but a close friend had two epis and told me what to expect so I wasn't as freaked out. Hun, the chances of you having a stillborn again are miniscule. So if you are scared that the drugs might harm the baby, don't be as they don't. GL sweetie, I hope all goes well for the reminder of your pg and for your labour!
I am scared of an Epi as I have areas of numbness in both my legs that are undiagnosed as yet. I am worried that an epi might increase these problems and I am a horse riding coach and trainer as my profession.
Fair enough hun. I also meant to say that I'm really sorry you've lost your Ellen . I'm sure she'll be watching over you to make sure everything will go smoothly
Have you thought about doing a calmbirthing course now and practising the breathing techniques religiously from now on....I know I suffer from acute anxiety and it helped me to use the breathing techiniques even now outside of the birthing situation it helps me to slow down the racing thoughts and keep the panic to a tolerable level.
I agree with melbel, a calmbirth course would be perfect for you, a doula is a good option too. Hope things go smoothly for you this time hun, you deserve it.
I was going to suggest calmbirth or hypnobirth also. I guess you're also having counselling already? And an experienced doula or your own independent midwife would be really invaluable - having someone else there just for you.
Cascade of intervention is possible with an induction, but not necessarily a given. You do also have options in how you proceed with the induction, so that's somethin gyou can discuss with your carers. Perhaps also you could talk to the anaesthetist about your fears regarding the epi? Or some other specialist?
I really hope you are able to have a beautiful birth experience this time kateo
What you're feeling is normal. I think the idea of a doula or IM is great.
I'm currently, slowly, using Mindfulness training (which combines counselling and meditation) to try to overcome fear of birth and hospitals. I dont know if you have that option near you. Specific hypnotherapy may also help. I use the hypnobabies program for birth preparation but may need specific one to one session with someone to tackle certain parts.
Also make sure your DH is addressing his fear too. The less adrenalin in the birth space the better as fear stalls labour. You also need him on board as your support. If he starts freaking out you may end up with more interventions.
Perhaps talk to a hospital social worker about your concerns, if thete's any good ones.
As for the stuttering, take a notepad and pen with you. Write a clear, short birth plan in advance. Make up a couple of signs you can point too, such as "please dont talk to me during a contraction", "I need more information", "i need to think about that, please give me some time to consider", "please dont offer me drugs" etc.
Get agreement in advance to start the induction slowly and if they insist on monitoring, that you move around. I jumped off the bed and paced even when tied to the CTG. Arrange the use of a TENS machine in advance.
A calmbirth course can help with breathing, birth plan etc.
Is there another hospital that you can go to? i had ptsd after things that happened in my labour and for me, going back to the same hospital is not an option i am willing to consider.
Your birth flow chart sounds like a great idea. Have you chosen your support people for this birth? Do you feel you have the right support people?
as you prepare and best wishes for an awesome birth.
Firstly, so sorry to hear of your precious girl Ellen.
I agree with the IM/Doula idea, wish i had done this with all my births because they really do speak up and get people to back off when you need them too.
I recommend meditating as much as you can, maybe even do some pregnancy yoga to help with stress. I also found reading Ina May Gaskin's guide to childbirth book, just the messages of having confidence in your body are powerful enough, even if you dont use the techniques.
With the fear of induction and preventing interventions, i would be saying to them you want them to give you x amount of time to see if you go into labour yourself once your waters are broken, rather than starting the cyntocin straight away.
Also talk, talk, talk. Talk to your healthcare providers from now up until the birth about everything that is bothering you or you are unsure about. And when you go in and meet your mw talk to her about everything, all your fears, how you can prevent as much intervention as much as possible. Hopefully you will have a good, supportive mw who will lay on the table what is likely to happen and when and if you arent happy with some things then work on coming to a compromise but i really think an open line of communication with everyone is the way to go and should help to keep you as calm as possible.
Thanks for all your replies. I have got info for Calmbirth so I think I'll find out about this week.
I have a mid-wife who I like that is at the FMU so perhaps she'll be OK. I was also wondering if some of you might share what did/didn't work in labour for you.
I there Kateo, I am sorry to hear about your treatment by the hospital after Ellen's birth. I am sure that would of been incredibly distressing especially considering the circumstances
I too had a PTSD after the birth of my first child due to hospital treatment (in the ACT). For the birth of my second child we decided that we needed to take as different a road as possible to the first experience. for us, this did mean changing our place of birth. is this an option for you at all?
secondly, we debriefed with a trained psychologist (and thankfully ours specialised in all things pg and birth). i HIGHLY recommend this. I also believe that you should undertake this with your DH.
thirdly, we did a calmbirth course. this really is an empowering mechanism for both you and your partner. it is a great aide in alleviating fear and bring focus inward so that any outside chaos (ie people coming in and out of a room, machines that are buzzing and beeping etc etc) can be tuned out by the subconcious). it is suprisingly simple to achieve but really does need to be learned through a course (rather than read about IMTS) IMHO.
Fourth (and a real big one) we had an independent midwife. these are vastly different from the midwives present at the hossy. as they will be with you and your partner and are soley yours. they can and will be your voice when needed and they will have a deep understanding of your wishes and your and your baby's "normal" and "happy" state. they are a powerful advocate for you and can and will protect you from obtrusion. the relationship you develop with them is powerful and humbling and they will protect you as much as possible. and for me, this was really really important. they are also highly professional and know the birth industry like the back of their hands. for example my midwives had over 20 years experience in delivering babies and being birth support. personally, this would be the best investment you could make and i would sacrifice everything else above, in order to have that person in the room with me, my baby and DH.
anyway, i have rambled on heaps lol. dont want to overwhelm you, but i just remember the paralysing effect that my PTSD had on me anytime i had a hossy appt or stepped into a consultation room and just wanted to let you know that there is hope
What worked for me in labour was having a doula there to guide me and remind me i didnt need that epidural, and keeping active. The shower was really nice and helped alot with pain relief.
Sorry to hear of your loss, I can't even comprehend how this must be effecting your birth this time around. I thought all the girls offered great advice. You might be interested to know that I have some 'undiagnosed' issues very similar to yours and I was worried about how that would affect my birth for my second child as an epi-dural scared me too. I did the calmbirth course, had a good friend to help me deliver and a supportive obstetrician who said according to the medical literature that my 'symptoms' shouldn't stop me from birthing a healthy baby naturally - and it didn't. I had a beautiful water birth, just like my first baby. this time around I have done things the same - calmbirth update course and a doula. My obstetrician is organising for me to see an anasthesist to talk about my fear of epidurals and develop some plans about what to do if necessary. I am going to get extra counselling with my calmbirth instructor (who is also a counsellor esp for fears related to birth) to help me as the birth gets closer.
I hope that helps you and all the best preparing for your precious baby's arrival
Help me prevent fear in Labour......please (long)
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. I'm sure she'll be watching over you to make sure everything will go smoothly 
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