Crowning = having a gash in your penis with a dirty blade (or 100 dirty needles) then rubbing it in salt and lemon juice.

I was constipated for 4.5 weeks when preg with Palmer and the result of that was pretty painful, so I reckon the pooping/constipation is probably a good explanation!

Back to back labour = someone hitting you in the back with a baseball bat full of nails. Endlessly. For 30-something hours.

:-P