I'm a little bit unsure about the idea of ice-cubes, pinching the inner thigh, chinese burns etc as a way of finding out about one's pain tolerance. I've seen that in books and heard about in in some ante-natal classes. When I was first pregnant, I heard people talking about birth in terms of enduring and toughing out the pain. One friend told me her plan was to turn up her music really loud and just scream as much as she wanted to.

But in the end, a totally different way of looking at things is what helped me the most. I changed from regarding the pain of birth as something to either avoid or something to somehow endure. Hoping that I could somehow just be tough enough to just put up with it. Any way I looked at it, I was still focussing on The Pain. Figuring how to cheat it.

I'm rambling here a bit as I think out loud. I hope it's not too annoying LOL!

Reading Ina May Gaskin's "Spiritual Midwifery" and a few books by Sheila Kitzinger is what started the shift in my thinking. By the time I'd read those books I was starting to regard my up-coming birth experience as something to almost jealously treasure. I wanted the full experience. I was sparked to a kind of envy by the stories in those books and by the stories some birth veterans told me. I started to look forward to the intensity and the adventure. I've done the same when I've seen people doing Adventure Racing on TV. My body itches and my mind yearns to be allowed to have a go - but I know that if I did, I would surely experience intense pain, suffering and discomfort - but that would be part of the achievment and part of the experience.

So I began to prepare for birth in terms of the whole experience, not just in terms of How To Survive the Pain. It helped me see the pain as just a normal part of the effort and the exertion - the same as any "extreme" sport! Whether it's roller-skating, bike riding, pilates, dance, running - whatever, intense physical sensations accompany intense effort. If you're a wuss like me, absolute agony accompanies intense effort! Learning to yield to that, to accept it and develop the mental toughness to persevere and keep going even when it's not fun or easy any more is the thing that prepared me for the rigors of birth the most. It hurts. I hate it. Do I quit? No. Keep going. But it hurts. I hate it. Do I quit? No. Keep going. Ad nauseum, ad infinitum!

Despite the agony, athletes actually look forward to etheir event. I think we can do the same - we know it's going to take everything we've got to give, but we can actually look forward to the high adventure of giving birth. Not just to getting the sweet little baby - but the actual drama of being in labour and giving birth. Putting the pain in the context of this huge peak experience helped me extract some of the fear and apprehension about the pain. I think we tolerate pain in our working arm and leg muscles more than we tolerate pain from a working uterus and stretching cervix partly because one kind of pain is familar to us, and fear of the unknown is a factor - and fear exacerbates pain. In some cultures, women don't fear labour pain any more than they fear the pain of carrying 10 gallons of water on their head for three miles.

A week before I had the baby, an Irish mam said to me in the street, "And are ye lookin' forward to yer labour?" I realised, with suprise, that I actually was.

One of my doula clients totally blew me away when she told me how at a dinner party, a total stranger came up and started lecturing her on how she should have all the drugs - pethidine, epidural etc. She tried to protest and said, "But I want the pain. I want to feel. I embrace the pain." The woman looked at her like she was nuts and said to her partner, "Make sure she has everything!!"

This blew me away because although I'd gotten to the point where I could accept the pain was going to accompany the effort, for her to say, "I embrace the pain" I thought was huge! Sure enough, she managed her first labour beautifully with this mental attitude, even though her baby was presenting with a slightly askew angle.

Karina, that going deep into your own world is wonderful. The birth hormones help you do that, it's the best thing - some people call it "the zone", some people call in "labour land". When you're in that state, hormones are flowing to make your labour more efficient (oxytocin) and pain-killing hormones are flowing at optimum levels, too (endorphins). So we try to do things that assist a woman to drift away into that state, and try not to distract her in any way. Talking to a woman who is in this place is not recommended. As Sarah Buckley puts it, 'your hormones are your helpers'.

Happy birthing everyone.