I don't have much expectation in regards to my birth but what i do want is for it be a really calm experience so that i can look back on it and not think of it as painful.

For instance, i want to be totally relaxed. I don't want to be yelling or screaming or thrashing about. I don't want it to feel painful in a way that is bad. I don't want to have to 'get though it'. I want to enjoy it. I want to say at the end that i can go through that again, not only for the sake of the end result, but for the sake of it being a really joyful, calm experience.

I guess it is in my favour that i'm having a homebirth and a water birth. I am also going to do a calmbirth course. But will this really give me what i want?

I have no fear and i have every confidence that i can do it. But it is easy to think that while pregnant. I don't know how i will think when in labour.

Not really sure what i want out of this post. Not really any advice as such but i suppose more encouragement and knowing that i'm not just living in a dream world.