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Thread: I'm sorry I have to say it

  1. #19

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    1,547

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    The thing is, every aspect of parenting, from the pregnancy right through to when kids grow up into adults, is subject to some form of 'debate'. All parents, I would say mothers more so, are judged in some form by others - whether it be family and friends, strangers, the media, their partner or even themselves. And the worst judges of women are other women. It's sad but it's true. I really feel that BellyBelly is one place where that does not happen. Kelly has worked hard to make this a place that supports parents, particularly women, without judgement.



    We all make our own choices with regard to childbirth (and all the issues that come after), and we make these choices with our babies, and our own, best interests at heart. I am a huge believer in infomed choice - it doesn't matter how you give birth as long as you know all the facts and have all the information you need to make the choice that is right for you - if you do this and a c/s is the way to go for you - then more power to you. We should all be comfortable with our own birthing choices.

    Bon

  2. #20

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    287

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    To begin with, I didn't have a problem with having an emerg c/sec. What started to really wear me down was all the comments to both myseld and my family wondering if I was disappointed with my birth. At the time I had much more pressing issues to deal with - getting my daughter well enough to leave SCN and come home.

    I now have days where I am disappointed I didn't get to experience any kind of labour but one look at my precious daughter and the possibility that she wouldn't have been here otherwise put paid to that pretty quickly.

    I guess I really wish that people would think before they open their mouths, probably a bit too wishful really. In the end, it doesn't matter how our children entered this world, what matters is that they are here and need our focus on them.

  3. #21

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia
    Posts
    8,980

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    Bek,

    It is hard for those around us to know what to say, especially friends and family who haven't been around birth for ages or at all.

    Our mothers birthed in a really bad time and many have bad or upsetting memories of a controlled, medicated process frought with rules and regulations and felt like a passive 'patient' (in that I mean women are not sick when they give birth, so they are a woman and not patient), not an almighty powerful woman giving birth with choices and information.

    We can discuss these things on BB and all come out more knowledgable and informed about it, but the fact is that most of those around us don't have a forum like this to post on, on a day to day basis and don't have insight and know what we go through, how we feel etc. All we can do is learn how to better deal with it ourselves and accept that they didn't mean it with malice, but they probably just were trying to show a canny way of caring or asking you about the birth when they don't know what else to say or do. It's like miscarriage - you don't know what to say to someone and what they need until you have been there - we all know that saying to someone, 'you'll get over it with time' or 'there's always another time' doesn't help, but for some people, this is all they know how to be supportive or show interest in your situation.
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    Follow me in 2015 as I go Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team and many wonderful members who have been so supportive since 2003.

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