Ok guys, get your pom poms at the ready. I really need your help.
As a bit of a history,
My first son was born at 36 weeks 2 days, tragically he died inutero and was stillborn and I went through a harrowing 11 hour labour which was induced. I had an epidural (which didn't work) and I ended up with PTSD after his birth.
After a lot of work and de-briefing I managed to get to 38 weeks 3 days before I couldn't go and further and my second son was born via induction. Emotionally I couldn't go any further, I just wanted him here safe and sound. I managed to do it without drugs, not even gas and from first niggle to born was 2 1/2 hours.
This time I want to do what ever I can to avoid an induction. I want to feel what spontaneous labour feels like, I want my baby to choose their due date. I want the excitement of those first niggles turning into contractions. I want to know what a natural labour is for me. How long will it take, what will it feel like?
But I'm beginning to doubt myself. I'm feeling panicked and nervous. My Ob is very low intervention and is happy if I want to go post-dates even but the internal struggle is my biggest enemy. I'm having twice weekly CTG's and regular scans to keep an eye on bub and all is well.
I've done up a list of birth mantras (below) and I'm trying to read them as least daily. Other than that I guess I just need to quiet my mind and let my body do its work.
So any wise advice, insightful information or pep talks are welcomed and appreciated.
Lv a nervous Spring xx
The power and intensity of my contractions cannot be stronger than me, because it is me.
This is not pain, this is exactly what my body is designed to do.
I welcome each contraction. Each contraction brings me closer to meeting my baby.
I look forward to giving birth.
I picture myself calm and serene, I have looked forward to this day and want to experience it wholly.
I am not afraid. I give birth with faith and trust. I trust myself, I trust my body, I have inner help.
I believe in my body’s ability to give birth naturally.
I believe my body does not need intervention but instead knows how to birth my baby.
I believe any pain is life giving and manageable.
I believe my body will not abandon me.
I believe I will have the strength to do this.
I do not fear birth, I look forward to birth and to meeting my baby.
I will not focus on the pain but instead tell myself every contraction will bring my baby closer to being born.
I believe birth can be magical.
I believe birth to be an experience of love.
I believe I will be active and alert and that I will not need
intervention or medical assistance.
I am relaxed and calm as birth approaches.
I will not fight this process but trust in my birthing instincts.
I have faith in my body and trust in its ability to give birth.
I have enjoyed being pregnant and will enjoy giving birth.
I will search deep inside myself during birth and stay focussed.
Every breath will bring my baby closer to being born.
I close my eyes and picture my baby’s birth. I picture a gentle and loving birth.
I picture my body knowing what to do and opening up wholly to birth.
I picture my baby being in the best position for birth.
I feel the sensations and know they are life giving and not to be feared – my body will protect me and my baby.
I picture myself rocking and swaying and easing the baby down.
I tell the baby it is safe and we can do this together.
I talk to the baby and ask it to come.
I picture the birth and imagine the baby’s head descending through my body.
I imagine the sensation of my baby’s head crowning and I am relaxed. I do not feel pain, only excitement.
I imagine feeling my baby’s soft wet head and feeling love.
I imagine the sensation of my baby leaving my body to be
pleasurable.
I picture my baby being born into my arms easily and without fear.
Good on you honey for reaching out. Firstly - your body innately knows what to do. It is imprinted on your DNA... Fear closes our bodies down - acceptance opens us up.
Your affirmations are great - just a little tweak if you don't mind me suggesting it? Our minds don't get that negative is any differebt to positive.
For example: "I will not fight this process - change that to I go with my body & accept the birthing process... " for example.
I am not afraid - change this perhaps to - I enter the journey of birth with clarity, peace & a deep knowing that I am supported..."
Change any afraid, fear, to something positive. Our subconscious latches on to the "fear" & it gives you that.
As for going term. I understand how hard this is for you Harry left & we will never know why. You have learnt the painful reality that babies sometimes are not ours to hold - the pain & unfairness of that is hideous. This baby in your belly has her/his own reality - it is highly unlikely to be the same as Harry's. An induction does not make live birth any more possible in the absence of any markers.
Honey, statistically the best marker of intra uterine health is healthy movement. Keep a track of those movements - keep a kick chart & know that she/he is fine.
Remember that a due date can be anywhere from 2 weeks prior to your EDD to 2 weeks past & that is completely normal.
They are some really great suggestions Inanna, I'll make those changes.
I guess I need to be honest with myself as to why I feel fear.
I feel fear because I'm worried that waiting will mean that I am risking this baby too. There is no reason (medical or otherwise) for me to feel this way. I just want to be a 'normal' pregnant woman with the 'normal' pregnant jitters but I'm not.
I detest fear, I want it gone. I just don't know how. Each time I think of the wait leading up to labour my heart flutters and I get nervous. I wish I knew the answers.
Don't get me wrong, I'm doing much better this time then at the same stage last time, I feel much more certain of my ability. I just want to keep it together a bit longer.
Something I have learned is when you name fear out loud - it starts to get smaller. Think of it as shrinking down... Shrink it down in your head...
You said it yourself. There is no reason medical or otherwise why this baby won't be born warm & healthy into your hands... That is the most likely outcome above all others!
Something else is to plan - plan the days and weeks bbs
Hun you can do this. The destination is worth the journey. Just remember every contraction is one you do not have to have again, and the closer you get to your baby.
You are woman hear you ROAR!!
Need a spontaneous labour cheer squad
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Harry left & we will never know why. You have learnt the painful reality that babies sometimes are not ours to hold - the pain & unfairness of that is hideous. This baby in your belly has her/his own reality - it is highly unlikely to be the same as Harry's. An induction does not make live birth any more possible in the absence of any markers.
The destination is worth the journey. Just remember every contraction is one you do not have to have again, and the closer you get to your baby.
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