Hi Everyone

Im about 6 weeks along with my first baby, me and DH live in Melbourne, im 34
Very excited to be pregnant was trying for about 6 months, heres my problem
I have had an extreme Phobia of chilbirth since I was in my teens, literally petrified of the thought, everyone around me knows about this cos ive been talking about it for years and due to this I have delayed and delayed it
It seems so silly I realise that, I have always said if the time came I could never go through a Vag delivery and that a C-section would be the only way
Well now that im finally pregnant im bloody terrified, 5 mins after I got my BFP its all I cant think about, awful
This is something I discussed with my GP a few years back and she advised me to take out PH insurance which I now do have
I have an appt next month with 2 male OB's at Freemasons as well as a letter from my GP re my extreme fear and that im too scared for a Vag delivery
Well the csection is freaking me out too! Being cut etc, I just want to be brave and go through it but im so scared its not funny, this is casuing me extreme anxiety at the moment
I already suffer from anxiety and see a Psych, im also on Zoloft, im waiting to see what the OBS say, honestly if I knew that the min I got to the hospital I could get the epidural
And feel no pain I would do it, but then I hear stories of it not working for some, only patrially working, I just don’t know what to do! I don’t want to spend the next 7 months worrying about this

I have no idea what to do!! My mum used to tell me how horrible the pain was im not sure if this is why I have this problem, now that I talk to her she says ill be fine lol

What do you think a dr would recommend with me? I was considering a Doula also to help me through this. The thought of being cut is not great but honestly I would rather that than feeling contractions and
Feeling pushing as this is what I am most scared of,

Help I want to enjoy this special time!!!