YES YOU CAN REFUSE FORCEPS!!

They will use a vacuum (ventouse) like thing that sucks to the baby's head. It is MUCH gentler and safer.
You do need to be aware though that there are circumstances that forceps will be necessary - but not until after they have attempted a ventouse, and that it may be too late to have a c/s if they are needed.

My birth plan quite clearly stipulates that forceps are NOT to be used or even discussed unless ventouse has been tried and failed several times and I have been fully explained the situation and given express consent or elected to have a c/s instead. But I am aware however that the situation may arise where they are necessary, in which case the most senior and exprienced Ob on shift at the time is to use them and no students or registrars are to attempt forcep delivery.

The midwife sounds horrbile and disrespectful - make sure your DH And other support people are fully aware of your wishes, educated on the whys and why nots of your birth plan and prepared to stand their ground if it comes to it.

GL