Scared to go through labour again but want another baby....

[Roquen]

Just hoping for some advice/support from anyone here who is trying for number 2, after a traumatic/upsetting first labour/birth/recovery?

I am terrified of going through it again, start getting upset just thinking about it.

My son is nearly 16 months and I am 29. I definitely want more children but the fear is there now and I don't know if I can get past it to try for another bubby.

[Phteven]

Have you debriefed from your first birth? We have a debriefing forum here or maybe you could talk it through with a counsellor at your hospital. Talking it through might help you let go of the negative feelings and also help you to identify things that you might do differently next time.
After my first birth I wanted to cry every time I thought about it for months but then I started reading up on birth and labour during my second pregnancy and I realised that there were all sorts of things I could do so that my second birth was different.

[BellyBelly]

I'd definitely recommend finding a Calmbirth practitioner in your area or seeing someone who specialises in birth debriefing. These are not usually psychologists but people working in the birth area who move into counselling and debriefing, who understand birth... where are you from?

[Nelle]

Is there anything you could do to change things for a second time?

[Roquen]

Thanks for the replies so far everyone.

I should get around to writing a debrief, I know women here have had much worse experiences that I did which makes me feel bad to whinge about mine I guess!

I looked into Calmbirth but there is nothing in my area (South Coast NSW - Shoalhaven area).

I think the fact it was 30 hours long scares me so much, it was so exhausting, I pushed for 7 hours (ended up with foreceps assisted delivery). I just don't know if I can ever do that again, there were times when I was certain I was dying or had pretty much died, but stubborn lil me kept refusing a CS! It was all worth it of course, just wish I could get over the memories of the pain, the things that upset me (episiotomy without being told, bub taken away while I was in recovery not getting to BF for an hour, OB threatening a CS every 30 minutes when I just wanted to focus on getting through the contractions etc!).

We took 8 months to conceive, I've just finished BF and gone back on the pill, but feel like my body is ready to try again, the thought of TTC again is exciting but the bit at the end is a worry lol.

Plenty of things I could fight harder for next time round, but the potential of a long labour at that pain level again truly scares the hell out of me....

[Phteven]

I'm going to pop this into the labour forum for you
Second labours are generally much shorter than first labours so it is unlikely that you will be in labour for so long. Being upright can help with the length and ease of labour so that is something to keep in mind.
You can help your DH/DP (other support people) help you by telling them the ways in which they have to be your advocate. They can tell the staff not to take your baby away because you want it to stay with you. They can tell the ob that you don't want to hear the c word until it is 100% nessescary and so on.

You don't need to feel like you have no right to be upset because other people had worse experiences than you. Just because you think someone else had it worse than you that doesn't mean that your pain isn't valid. if we all followed this thinking then no-one would be able to own their pain because there is always someone worse off...

[Ozziehoffy]

I'd definitely recommend finding a Calmbirth practitioner in your area or seeing someone who specialises in birth debriefing. These are not usually psychologists but people working in the birth area who move into counselling and debriefing, who understand birth... where are you from?

EXACTLY what I was going to suggest too! I swear by it. The lady we went to also did intense weekend courses for those who like you aren't in a position to do the usual 4 separate lessons. Maybe you could look into something like that where you go to Sydney or where the closest is for the weekend? Just a thought as they do help you to move past and deal with your fears so you can move on and forward. Let us know how you go with it all.

[danniellabella]

Thank you so much for posting this. I'm feeling scared about ever having another bub because of my birth experience with J. That is one reason why I'm waiting until she's 3 or 4

[Roquen]

Thanks everyone, I can't believe what great support and advice is always here for us on Belly Belly, I really appreciate it.

I will definitely look into doing calm birth lessons and will ask around about doulas down here.

It's so nice to hear that people have had a better experience second time around too, really helps to hear that as all I have are negative memories about it, keep going over it all in my head so much....

Thanks everyone xoxoox

[Ladylove]

Wow thanks so much for taking the time to update. I love updates.