With my first I was induced medically - cervidil tape & balloon the night before, then AROM & synto. I had some gas towards the end, but no other pain relief.
As I got to transition, my son went into distress and I ended up with a forceps delivery & episiotomy. He was fine, however.
I believe the main reason his heartrate showed signs of distress was because I was distressed. I had been coping ok, but then was made to lie on the bed for continuous monitoring, which meant I could no longer move freely. I remember this as being extremely distressing. None of our medical carers seemed to notice this connection, nor did they try to help me at all beyond offering drugs.
I believe this birth experience was more traumatic than necessary for both myself and my son. I was disempowered and disrespected. And ultimately disappointed in myself and my caregivers.
With my second I had a spontaneous labour and planned a homebirth. I had no drugs.
DD's heartrate showed signs of labour (which was prolonged) so we transferred to hospital. Turned out her head was sideways so I needed OB assistance and an episiotomy to deliver her. I then had a PPH.
Despite being a lot harder physically, this birth was much more satisying for me. I feel a lot better about it because I know that despite the complications, I gave DD the best birth I could. I do feel some disappointment that I didn't have a normal birth, but that was something that couldn't be controlled this time.
DD1 - induced at 42.5 weeks in small regional base hospital Did you use any drugs in your birth? Prostin gel, very large & fast doses of syntocin. Gas and pethidine. Did you have complications during your birth? Very long labour, exceeding my ability to cope with pain, and I had a near-death experience. Extended pushing, stage 2 tear through to muscle (and subsequent prolapse), DD was distressed and born quite flat (1st apgar was 4) Did you experience any feelings of dissapointment, disempowerment and traumatisation?Yes I was terribly traumatised for a long time afterwards. The rate at which they administered the syntocin was barbaric and they completely failed to monitor my pain/copingness levels. I had done a lot of pre-birth preparation, and so I think it probably looked like I was coping even though the pain was bigger than me and filled the whole room. I blacked out a large chunk of the experience, for a long time I couldn't look at or touch my vulva or vagina (even to work out where exactly the tear was), and I was very dissociated for several months, I literally couldn't keep track of time passing at all. I remember not being able to talk to my baby, even though I was breastfeeding and maintaining a lot of eye contact, I just couldn't talk to her. I've often wondered if i should have had the epidural when offered (I changed my mind half an hour later but by then they told me it was "too late" despite me not having DD for another 3.5 hours) - but the attending dr told me if i'd had the epidural it would've been a forceps delivery "for certain". DD1 also displayed signs of residual birth trauma /pain memory for a long time afterwards: she had a very sensitive (to the touch) head and scalp - when they were trying to break my waters they had about 6 or 7 shots at doing it by they were actually just repeatedly scraping that sharp instrument across her head. It also took 3 goes to get the fetal scalp monitor in. Her poor little head was cut and bruised all over the top when she was born.
DD2 - maternally requested C/section in a tertiary-level public hospital (they agreed to it in a flash after I told them about my first experience). Did you use any drugs in your birth? Spinal with patient-administed analgesia for the first 24 hours afterwards Did you have complications during your birth? No it all went very smoothly, and DD2 had perfect apgars. I did however develop a wound infection afterwards, which lingered on for several weeks and meant I was readmitted for IV ABs around week 3. Did you experience any feelings of dissapointment, disempowerment and traumatisation? No, the CS experience was a very empowering and healing experience. I was treated with the utmost respect, care and compassion for my previous experience. It clearly gave DD a head start as she was plump and contented and undistressed.
DD
Did you use any drugs in your birth? Yes, I had an epidural c-section Did you have complications during your birth? I was concerned about lack of movement. Despite going in for monitoring for multiple days that came back just reactive, medical staff kept fobbing it off as being okay. My intuition was going off big time so I asked for a c-section. They refused. I overheard something along the lines of "too posh to push, scared of labour" etc. I had a mini melt-down, threatened to sue if something was found to be wrong and they finally gave me a c-section for "maternal stress". When they pulled DD out it was like a clip from a movie. The staff were chatting away about all sorts of crap (which I think is terribly insensitive) and then suddenly they went quite - you could hear a pin drop. When they pulled DD out, she had a very short cord, it had a true knot, it was wrapped tightly twice around her neck and threatening to detach at the naval - apparently if I bent the wrong way it could have come off. Despite this she was apgar 9's and had no issues. This would not have been the result if I had gone into labour, and I remember reading my medical records later with the OB congratulating himself for deciding to preform the c-section. Did you experience any feelings of dissapointment, disempowerment and traumatisation? Disappointment - yes. Medical staff just would not listen. I should have not had to chuck a hissy fit in order for them to take the situation seriously. Then them claiming great insight later, after the fact was the beginning of my loss of faith in OB's.
DS
Did you use any drugs in your birth? For the first 34 hours I had two lots of saline injections in the back. I then had a saline drip, and an epidural. I also had the sinto injection and had to have a sinto drip afterwards. Total 1st stage of labour was 36 hours and 1 hour 2nd stage. Did you have complications during your birth? I was fine until I got to the hospital. Bub turned prossy on the drive there. That in combination to having SPD made my pelvis too mobile and didn't provide any counter-pressure so I had difficulty dilating. I couldn't take any gas (I tried one suck but it made me feel really sick). The saline injections, although that really hurt, were very effective but after 34 hours I was exhausted and starting to weaken because eating and drinking made me feel sick too. I opted for an epidural and was put on a drip. They did break my waters as part of the blackmail of having an epidural (and it was blackmail) but I was already 10cm so I didn't mind then because I didn't need any more VE's. The epi was self dosing so I had stopped using it so I could push, but the middy put me in a semi-sitting position and wouldn't let me change position even to lie on my left side like I asked. I ended up tearing my cervix, and getting 2nd degree tears to the front and to the back as a result of not being allowed to get into a better position. I lost about 1lt of blood. Did you experience any feelings of dissapointment, disempowerment and traumatisation? I was annoyed at the tearing because I knew I had to get into another position but wasn't allowed to (and was too tired to fight it at that stage) because it was less convenient for my middy. Also, as a VBAC I experienced a lot of fear-mongering and bullying. At one stage I had three OBGYN's in my room trying to tell me how I had to do things (what type and rate of monitoring, what battery hen schedule I was meant to adhere to). I respectfully decline. If I had done as they said I have absolutely no doubt I would have been wheeled off for another c-section.
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