What did you wish you knew about Labour and those first few days with baby?
What things did you wish you knew about labour after you had been in labour and what things did you wish you knew about those first few days with your baby?
What advice or funny embarrasing stories can you share?
1 that labour is nothing to be scared of. I remember saying to DH about half way into my first birth that I was really scared because I didn't really know what was going to happen next and I wished I had of just embraced it more kwim?
2 that breastfeeding is natural, but it doesn't come naturally. I really wish someone had of told me that. All the books said that breastfeeding is great, but none of them said that it is bloody hard work making it work. And also that while it is hard at first, that it does get easier. I was a mess for the first two weeks, but once we got to the 4wk mark everything just clicked and I felt more like a Mum then than I did for the first 4 weeks.
I wasn't afraid and I didn't really think anything would go wrong....but I wish I was a bit more prepared for the 'aftermath'. Even though I had a natural birth , 2nd degree tearing was pretty sore. It was really hard to get out of bed and couldn't sit up at all the first day. Stingy when going to the loo etc. My sis (a nurse) gave me a squeezy bottle and box of table salt. I put on tablespoon of salt in it and dissolved it, then squeeze over sore bits . I used this in the shower and when going to the toilet. It was like a salt wash and was very relieving. I think it helped a great deal.
Wishing you all the best!
Rach xx
I was just talking about this today with a second time mum.
Labour - I thought that I was tough and if I was calm and relaxed it wouldn't hurt much. So when it hurt I didn't know what on earth to do. For this time I accept that it will hurt and is hard work and I'm preparing for that.
New baby - I was told that with breastfeeding when bub was finished she would pull off. It took me a few days to realise that it didn't work both ways. So pulling off didn't mean she was finished. Does that make sense? DD would pull off after 10min and I thought she was done. But she just needed a break and a burp. I eventually learned to put her back on the same breast and let her finish. I felt so bad that I had been starving her. She lost a fair bit of weight.
1 - I had c-sects so no help there... But I can say that with my elective sections it was possible for me to have my baby on the breast within an hour, and baby lead attachment is possible and still pretty amazing at that point.
2 - Not be afraid to admit that you need help with things, and to seek help where you can, like with breastfeeding and the baby, that it is OK to bug the nurses and midwives in hospital. Pepper them with questions, and seek help when you can. But to also realise that sometimes their advice is not the be all and end all, and to ask the nurse on the next shift for a different perspective if you feel uncomfortable with the way things are going.
Labour - I was petrified going into labour, about the pain, how I was going to cope, etc. Next time I really want to deal with the pain more calmly. Another thing, next time I would like to push when I have the urge, not when the midwives tell me to.
After birth - I now know that breastfeeding can be a lot of hard work and it requires patience and perseverence, and yes, it does get easier with time (I hated people telling me that at the time, and I honestly couldn't imagine getting easier, but now I know it does...even if it takes 10 weeks!). I'm also prepared for how sore I might be "down there". I was really sore for months, it hurt to walk, to pee, to anything really. Oh yeah, and the baby blues...I didn't think it would happen to me, but I was a blubbering mess for weeks after the birth, hightened because of the breastfeeding issues and how sore I was I'm sure.
Labour....I wish i known it was ok to say NO to some things that MW told me to do....(doh) Id read all the book and thought i had a handle on it....I wish id known that no book can tell you what YOUR body is going to do and you have to just trust YOUR body to do the right thing.
Baby....Wish id known that a baby can feed every ten minutes (or so it seemed) and that my milk wouldnt come in for 5 days and that huge painful swollen boobs was normal and the 'amazing bonding experience' that BFing was ment to be wouldnt happen in the first few weeks!!
When people say 'just do what works for you' to really do that, if that means locking your self away for a week, feeding and sleeping in bed together, never putting baby down or off the boob...do that. And when hearing the 'youl make a rod for your back'....'youl spoil her'...shel learn how to manipulate you' comments, just turn your brain off and smile, while humming a tune!! Pointless advice!!!
Dont have any photos of my belly in the last few weeks. Wish i did!
labour - i wasn't prepared that with the first contraction i would be thinking 'i don't think i can do this'! of course, i could but i just wasn't prepared for how it would totally knock me off balance. i also learnt that despite doing lots of research into which position i would like to labour (i thought on a birthing ball) & not labour (lying on my back) that these things might be totally round the other way!
after birth - that having a long, hot shower would be what kept me sane. and that standing in the shower having a good cry was perfectly normal. i also agree with trillian on bfing. most of all, i wasn't prepared for feelings about my relationship with DP - i actually felt grief & like i'd lost something. it was just a change in our relationship but the strength of the feeling surprised me. i also wish i'd known just how overwhelmed i'd feel by it all - it settled down by about week 5 or 6 but the first two weeks were so intense!
I wish I knew that I had choices about birthing my child. I wish that I had realised that birthing is a natural process in most circumstances that doesn't need medical intervention to speed it up or get the baby out quickly.
I wish I was told that breastfeeding doesn't always come naturally. I wish that I was never told that my baby should be feed 3 hourly and put into a routine pronto!!! This simple bit of knowledge may have saved a lot of tears. I was never told about skin to skin contact or that babies need breast for comfort.
I wish that all my well meaning relos would have stayed away for at least a day so that we could bond with our baby in peace and quiet. It is a bit hard to establish feeding with 10 other adults in the room with you for the whole day
Labour: That walking around really helps and to keep taking deep deep breaths.. For a c/s ( I had 3) that it hurts like all hell to stand for the first time but if you breathe deeply and keep your shoulders straight then it isn't so bad
First few days: That day 3-5 can be just plain horrible. Baby will cry a lot and want to feed a lot but that is all to do with Bfeeding (was in my case anyways)
that no matter how great you think your newborn is sleeping it will get worse then better then worse again lol..
Not sure if I can think of anything else right now.. for me those were the big things I wished I knew
Labour - that it doesn't matter how much reading and preparing you do, when push comes to pushing your hindbrain takes control and you can't remember all those things. Drill your birth support. Ask them what they will do when XYZ... tell them to ask if you want a drink every 10 minutes... basically, they're your walking brain. They do the higher thinking for you. So get them into the right brainspace! (DH was a bit crap at this, if you can't tell.)
New Baby - Just tell everyone else where to shove it. Your baby, your rules. You CANNOT over-breastfeed and it is NOT spoiling them to have a cuddle. Co-sleeping won't kill your baby and breastfeeding will not kill you. (What other advice did I have... oh yes, sleeping while baby sleeps in the first few weeks means you get bored of sleep for the only time of your parenting life.) You know your child best. If a visitor comes and you're in a salt bath and baby's asleep, even if they're midwives or the like, get your OH to tell them where to go. Just for half a bleeding hour! Also, it's OK not to be all "bond"y and "in love": if you're a more reserved person, as I am, it's very normal and a lot more rewarding to have the love slowly grow over time than it is for a rush of something you aren't sure about then... what? Not sure what happens with bonding, only that it didn't here!
I wish I'd known that not all babies like to be wrapped - I may have been able to get more sleep in hospital if I'd twigged earlier that it was my wrapping him that made him cry, not my putting him down...
I wish I'd slapped the night-shift midcow when it first occurred to me that it would be well-deserved.
I wish I'd insisted that they help me co-sleep safely at the beginning so that I didn't end up so sleep-deprived that it was no longer a safe option anyway.
After the birth - rest rest rest rest rest. and tell everyone to jump if they don't like it. It took till my 2nd to work out how beneficial it is to just stay in bed with your baby for the first few weeks.
For my 3rd I came straight home and jumped back into bed with dd and stayed there till I felt like coming out.
OOOHHHH the hemorrhoids - gosh !!!!! Labour is easy compared to the hemorrids you can sometimes get afterwards!!!!!!
And the little 'scratches' on your labia that burn when you go to toilet afterwards...and what to do and how to sit....
Read all about labour in the first 6 months then read all about baby care in your 7-9 month and just touch up on labour in the last month too.
There is no time to figure out what to do with baby once they are born you have to the wing'it. I was so worried about the birth i never read about baby care and gosh was I in for a shocker cause it doesn't always come naturally.
1st baby labour - sometimes there is no urge at all to push but that you can still push.
1st baby after birth - breastfeeding doesn't come naturally,
within the first 12months - sleep every chance you get and a mother must follow her instincts if she suspects something is wrong with their child.
2nd baby labour - can be a MUCH shorter labour and before you have even thought about calling your MW you could have a sudden huge urge to push!!!
2nd baby after birth - no two babies are the same - I kinda new this but sometimes one can be anxious about certain thing unnecessarily and that breast feeding can be easy and natural. (I was so nervous after my 1st child)
Like many other Ladies have already mentioned I wish I'd been more prepared for the struggles of establishing breastfeeding. I'd expected it to be so easy and was so devastated when it all went south in the days following the birth.
I also wish I was more prepared for the "baby blues", I'd assumed I'd just get a bit teary one day and then it would all be over, I didn't expect to be a total mess for the first 5 days after our birth, I felt absolutely useless and couldn't understand why I wasn't bonding with my baby.
I'd also go back and tell all my family and friends to not expect to visit untill a few weeks after the birth.
Labour - how hard it would be for DH to see me in that pain, and that he needed 'time out', and how exhausting it would be (see next point), no matter how it ends...oh and that barley sugar and staminade would be such a good friend (about the only things of use that I packed in my hospital bag)
First few days
1. how exhausted I would be - I remember the nurses trying to get ds to BF, and I was so tired I could not sit up or keep my eyes open!
2. how hard BF would be and for how long!
3. that it is not always 'love at first sight' - i still remember looking into the cot at DS and thinking 'is he really mine', and wondering if I was meant to kiss him each time I put him down in his cot for a sleep (I did not 'naturally' feel the need/desire to - much different to now)...I was so stressed about if this was normal, but to worried to ask someone as I was afraid that I was 'abnormal' and that they would come and take my baby away from me because I was not going to be a good mother!
4. that no matter how hard people tell you motherhood is, you dont really belive it till you live it!
Labour- I went to all of the classes available while I was pregnant so I would be well prepared. Yet, when my water broke I freaked out and forgot all of the techniques to calm myself down. Being frekaed out slowed my labor by 8 hours. I wish I would have tuned into being more calm.
Birth- Immediately afterwaards I felt bad because I was so tired I wasnt as enthusiastic as I had hoped for when she came out. I just remember being so exhausted. I loved her with every inch of my being and I felt kind of let down. Yet, I cant expect to be jumping for joy after giving birth. I just wanted her to fall asleep in my arms with me.
What did you wish you knew about Labour and those first few days with baby?
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. I used this in the shower and when going to the toilet. It was like a salt wash and was very relieving. I think it helped a great deal.
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