I wish I had've prepared myself physically more. Next time round I will be a bit more active during pregnancy in order to prepare myself to be more physically fit for labour.
All the best, Gracie! It is truly an amazing experience
thanks so much for all your responses ladies- what a great read it's been for me- lots of info to take in. i'll just address a few of the things mentioned...but i appreciate EVERYTHING and everyone who has responded. thank you..
-i love the idea of the special bunny rug- i'm preparing that now
-the remain calm and enjoy idea is definitely going to be one of my thoughts/affirmations
-being more assertive in my plan-this is one way i have def changed in the last month
-focus on the end result (the baby) and the love and joy of that- is something i'll try to keep in mind to get me through
-the info about stretch & sweep- very good to know thank you
-i've put a bid on a copy of New Active Birth on ebay and will keep eyes open for Wonder Weeks
- thank you for your kind words Mel R- i hope you're right!!
- i am hanging on to the thought that i will feel better if i don't have an epidural, to try to get me through it. i now see this as a last resort only
- listen to my body/instincts/stay in tune with your body seem to be ongoing themes that i need to be conscious of-trusting my ability to cope without drugs
-and i've learned a lot about induction over the last couple of days so thank you all for that- for empowering m in that regard
-oh and i'll try to be nice to dp (try!!!)
thank you all for your help and time xoxo
I wish that I was as prepared for the baby to come early as I was for it to come late. All pregnancy I had been psyching myself up not to get worried when my due date came and went - was expecting baby to come a week or more after her due date, and to my surprise she was 10 days early.
I wish I had trusted my instincts and knowledge that my waters breaking WERE actually my waters breaking and not anything else like the midwife at the hospital tried to convince me. Not that it really mattered anyway.
I wish that I had not got so excited or anxious (even though I was trying to temper my mood) when my waters broke - I didn't realise it would be so long until contractions began (30 hours later) and that it would be another 24 hours after that by the time I would be holding my baby. You seriously need all the rest you can get at that time.
I wish that I had known the little contractions were little contractions and just slept through them.
I wish I hadn't got DH timing each contraction so early on. It seemed like forever (well it was 13 hours!!) before they got close enough to go into hospital for. Just leave the timing until you start feeling uncomfortable with how often they are happening, and trust that you really know when it's getting to be time!
In some ways I wish that I hadn't told my parents we were going into hospital, but I think I still would tell them- they'd only ring to find out anyway. But I do wish that I had told them to wait it out until WE contacted them. I have only just found out that they rang the hospital more than once- I knew that they rang at one stage, as I was moving between the birth centre and the labour ward just before getting an epidural - the lady said that my dad was on the phone and I distinctly remember telling them to tell him to **** off. I mean, what did they think- that I had had the baby and wasn't telling them about it, or that I had died and nobody let them know??!! Honestly, there was nothing they could have done except to wait to hear the news. I know I was taking my time, but them ringing wasn't going to make it come any quicker.
I wish that I hadn't assumed that my body was made to give birth to babies. That because my mum had four babies with no problems and no drugs that I would be the same. That because I am able to control everything else in my life, I could control my labour and that it was all mind over matter! No matter what they say, birth is extremely physical - mind over matter works for the contractions- they are definitely bearable, especially with showers and baths, etc. But there is no escaping the physical part when things aren't going as smoothly as they should.
I wish that I had more thoroughly practiced the information in the Pink Kit, instead of laughing at the funny New Zealand and American accents! I wish that I could have convinced DH to help me take the videos more seriously and to help be my birth partner. I didn't know when watching the videos how much I would need some of the techniques and got lazy and didn't practice. I knew the general gist of it, which helped with my positions in labour, but when in the midst of it you need someone there to remind you what to do as your mind goes a bit blank. I'm not sure that this is something I could get right next time and would consider the use of a doula to do the reminding for me.
I wish that I had known that having a baby who has been in the perfect position in your belly for weeks before labour, doesn't mean she is going to stay that way. The first hint was when I got into the bath (yes it is WONDERFUL pain relief) and I could feel intense pain in the front of my pelvis, where my baby's head was hitting the bone with each contraction. The second reason I knew she wasn't headed in the right direction was when I could feel her feet kicking into my ribs on the totally opposite side of my body to where she had been laying- I just knew she shouldn't be so high up. It turned out that she was posterior and coming in to my pelvis at a very strange angle. If I had known that this would happen after the weeks of feeling content that she was doing the right thing and would continue to do so in labour, I wouldn't have been so smug about not fully researching the positions to help her get into a better position.
I wish I had known that no matter how much pregnancy yoga and pregnancy chiropractic therapy I got, no one was going to decide how my baby was positioned, apart from her!
I wish I hadn't felt so defeated when I had to accept to having an epidural, in the hope that this might relax me enough to allow me to fully dilate while she was pushing into my pelvic bone. But at least I knew that my midwife wouldn't offer this option unless we were getting nowhere.
I wish that I wasn't so exhausted when it came to trying to push. I wish that I had told them that although the epidural had worn off, I was losing it and wasn't timing my pushing with the contractions as well as I could have, but I was just too exhausted by this point.
I wish that I had've researched more about having a ceasarean- not that I regret it or that anything untoward happened in there, I guess I just didn't know the things I should have requested or things like how long it would take for them to stitch me up before we could relax together as a family.
I wish that I didn't feel regret for the labour I had. I was really comfortable with it all in the days follwing my baby's birth, as I knew that I did everything I could have at the time to get her out naturally, or at least vaginally. But now as the weeks go on I am second guessing myself and going over what I could have done differently.
I am so sorry for the length of this post - I think I should have put this in the birth debriefing section - it certainly has at least helped me get a lot of this off of my chest- hope some of it helps you!
That breastfeeding does not come naturally for everyone.
I have always thought that I would be one of those mum's that breastfeeds for the first 12 months or so of my babies life, but after express feeding Tayah for the last 4 weeks and still having her reject my breast now, I realise that this is prob not going to be an option for us.
Reasons being that she has a tongue tie and struggles to attach and pull the nipple into her mouth. Also because she was jaundiced in hosp and only allowed off the light bed long enough to give her a quick attempt at the breast before been givin expressed breast milk in a bottle, which she has now gotten use to.
Looking back now I wish I had of insisted that she be allowed a longer attempt at the breast before being given the bottle.
I have only had one labour but the biggest bit advice I could offer would be to move move move move.. I had a text book labour (according to mw) but it went on for 18 hours. I am sure if I just got off the bed and walked it might have been shorter.. and to remember yes it hurts but not to be afraid of it. in my opinion it hurts more to kick your toe well not really but kicking your toe is a sudden pain and labour slowly builds up kwim?
With the first born I was induced cause i was meant to be having a small baby, but i was also induced cause of pre-eclampsia etc. He was born spot on 6lb. With my 2nd I was also induced due to a small baby (not other complications for needing to be born), but he was born at 6lb 7oz, so I wish I had more power to stand up to the doctors and let my pregnancy progress as it should have. My 3rd was born early again but a natural labour
So if i knew then what I know now, I would have said no to the 2nd induction at least.
thanks for your contributions ladies...so much to take in..i love this site, i've learned so much on here. it's awesome to be able to hear from people who have had real experiences..
I just had a look at the video of my third birth. I got all teary.
I wish I'd had a doula. I felt like I wanted to crawl into the screen and be my own doula. I would've drawn the curtains and dimmed the lights for that birthing woman that was me. I would have turned on the heater. Turned on the music. Modelled soft, quiet voices to all in the room. Encouraged the birthing woman that she was doing great by listening to her body and tuning out the demanding midwife.
I would have reminded the midwife that according to her birth plan, that she did not want Directed Pushing. That she did not want the baby suctioned as soon as the head was out. That she did not want the cord cut so soon. That there was no need to hurry to deliver the placenta, but that cuddling with the baby was more important, since blood loss was normal and she wanted a physiological third stage. I would have asked the person answering their mobile phone to please take it outside. I would have stopped the midwife from prompting the overwhelmed mother, still coming to grips with the fact that she'd just had a baby after avoiding pressure to transport for a caesarian, to sing 'happy birthday' but just let the mother react and respond to the moment in her own way and in her own time.
I would've helped her maintain the skin-to-skin that she so desperately wanted. I would've reminded the midwives that the mother wanted all routine exams delayed until much later or the next day, and that undisturbed skin-to-skin was much more important.
I would have added warm blankets over the mother and baby, and brought her a cup of tea, kept the music going and the atmosphere soothing, and explained to all present, "this bonding time is very important, so we all need to be very quiet now".
I would have prepared her herbal bath, and when she was ready, helped her to bathe with her baby and then helped them get comfortable in bed (or wherever they wanted).
One thing I learned. Just because a midwife is willing to attend a homebirth does not mean that she is a fan of homebirth or undestands the principles of undisturbed, instinctive birth. In future, I would choose a midwife who really loves homebirth and really likes me and believes in me. I needed more than cool, clinical care. I need warmth and nurture and kindness. So next time, I'd choose more carefully and interview a few different midwives.
Another thing I would do totally differently if I had the chance, would be to totally demand-feed my babies and not worry a bit about stoopid routines, but trust my instinct and my baby's cues; and I would feed a lot more so that my milk supply would not wane.
Hmmm. Just like Star, this has been a bit of a de-brief.
Great thread, Gracie!
Last edited by Julie Doula; August 23rd, 2007 at 10:06 PM.
I wish I'd known what a doula was, and had one
I wish I'd known about midwife only antenatal care. I'm glad I ended up with a midwife only birth in the end
I wish I'd known I could refuse an induction when I was told 'if you go later than 13 days, you must want to put your babies life at risk'
I wish I'd had a private midwife, or someone experienced in a natural third stage present at the birth of my son.
I wish I'd been told there was a bath at the hospital earlier than midway through active labour, I'd have gotten in on arrival.
I thought I was all ready for the birth, then my friend had her bub 1 week before I was due. She had a horrific time, long prelabour, vacuum, epi etc. She said to me "Be open to everything, even if you don't want it".
I knew that I wanted as natural labour as possible but ended up being induced for as doc thought I had IUGR. During labour I was offered drugs. Even though I knew I didn't want them, I asked the midwife to tell me about it, so I was open to all options. Truthfully, I don't remember the midwife even talking about the positives and negatives as I was thinking positive thoughts, trusted my body and pushed through the pain.
I also didn't go into the hospital with a birth plan. I was comfortable with my doc, met the midwives and loved the hospitals ACTIVE BIRTH philosophy. I wouldn't change anything about my experience and hope that my next birth will be spontaineous.
The love you feel. It is absolutely indescribable. Even if your plan doesn't go to plan, if your little one arrives healthy, enjoy as much time in the labour room as you can push the midwives to let you.
My DD has just turned 9 weeks old and I still cry (happy cry) most days about the feelings of love I have towards her. Even though things will be challenging after your bub is born, focus on the feelings of LOVE you have for this amazing person you have created with your partner.
Labour doesn't always go by the book - my first baby came after 6 hours of hard labour, and 1 hour of pushing. Not the 20+ hours that I was expecting! I also didn't tear, though I'm told about 90% of first time mums do.
Water is WONDERFUL!!!
Transition can/will be overwhelming. But you'll be OK.
Some women speak about the amazing joy of holding their baby, and the excitement of finding out what it is. I honestly was just so glad to be done and have her OUT! I didn't really care, at that point, what she was. But if you feel that way too, it doesn't mean you'll be a bad mum, or not love your baby. I love her to bits, and her sister just as much.
I didn't have a doula - didn't want anyone but DH, but in hindsight, that would have been a good idea. My nurses were wonderful - they kept me moving around, and were encouraging, but not in my face, but I think a doula might have been helpful through transition, especially.
Keep moving! Walk as long as you can. Stand, rock, get in a shower or bath, sit upright, but don't lie on your back!
It's really going to hurt. At least, for me it did. I'd never felt anything like that pain. But I think fear/panic complicated that. The second time around was MUCH better. Slow breathing actually does help. Think about waves. They wash over you, surround and cover you, and then wash away again. Remember that - they WILL wash away again. It isn't going to last forever. You CAN do it.
If it helps you to know - I'm not afraid of labour anymore. I was somewhat consumed with the idea of labour with my first baby, but after she was born, and when I had my second, I was not afraid. I knew I could do it, and I would be OK. With this baby too, I am looking forward to labour, actually, and going to try to have this one at home.
Read as much as you can. Inform yourself about the pro's and con's of your different options, and make your own decison. (ie. epidural, episiotomy, internal exams - I never minded them, I liked to hear about my progress, but others hate them!, artificial rupture of membranes, augmentation of labour, constant monitoring, being induced if overdue, etc. Read, discuss with your doctor, and get a feel for what he/she thinks, and decide for yourself.)
i haven't read all the responses so not sure if this is already covered... but one of the things i wish i had of known was, how much i DIDN'T feel like visitors.... pre labour i wanted as many visitors as possible and was actually worried about not having many (having recently moved to a new area).... then once bubs had arrived the thought of visitors COMPLETELY overwhelmed me and reduced me to tears on so many occassions, but i didn't have the confidence to tell people not to come.
oh but next time i will be so strict!! visitors on the first day only, then not until im at home and feeling well!
Reply With Quote
well not really but kicking your toe is a sudden pain and labour slowly builds up kwim? 
, trusted my body and pushed through the pain. 
But if you feel that way too, it doesn't mean you'll be a bad mum, or not love your baby. I love her to bits, and her sister just as much. 
Bookmarks