I've been asked to support a friend through her VBAC, and I'm HUGELY honoured and really excited about this, but as the day approaches, I'm getting scared! I felt more at ease approaching my own labours, honestly. And I know that if I'm nervous and tense in the delivery room, that will be absolutely no help at all. I've had 5 great deliveries myself, but I've never coached anyone through labour. I have a lot more sympathy for my husband now....
So please ladies, give me whatever encouragement, advice, support, or information you can think of! What did your doula do for you? What did you want most in labour? What did you hate? Anything you can tell me that will help me help her will be greatly appreciated!
Have you read Ina May Gaskin's books? They may help you. Brilliant books!
I was my sister's support person 10 years ago but was useless as everytime she had a contraction I had to lay down on a bean bag or I would've fainted!
Has she laboured before? Maybe talk to her about the things that helped her.
I think you have to feel your way through - Watch her and be there if that helps, move away if she seems better on her own.
If she's flagging or doubting herself lift her up - tell her she's doing well or just look her in the eyes to help her refocus.
Suggest different positions or movements if what she's doing isn't working so well any more. Maybe run through some ideas and even practice together a bit before hand - might make it easier and more natural during labour.
Thanks guys! I guess I will just kind of have to play it by ear. I've read Ina May, and watched a good number of clips of her on YouTube, as well as Penny Simkins who founded DONA International. I think I probably need to just relax! But as I said, she's going for a VBAC, and I kind of feel responsible for the outcome, silly as that may sound! She had a doula for her first birth, had an epidural at 5cm, made it to 10, pushed for 2 hours (on her back, with the epidural on.....) and couldn't get that baby out. We've already talked a fair bit about using different positions for pushing, and having the epidural (if any) removed or turned down for pushing. Hopefully she can go without this time, but we'll see.
For natural pain relief (if she is open to that kinda thing) google acupressure by Debra betts. I swear by her little trick with a comb that got me thru a drug free (pain relief) induction
My sister was my support person along with DH. We wanted her as she'd experienced two very different labours. Both were vaginal but her first was induced, quick and out of control in her view. The second was at a birth centre - ARM but then natural, drug free water birth. A super quick birth but far from traumatic.
My sister is a really gentle soul so her calmness but encouraging words were awesome. Her knowledge of a drug free birth was invaluable as that was my dream so to know it was possible and have a woman who'd been through it coaching me helped so much. But it also helped a lot to know she had been there when I screamed for an epidural. She questioned me as she knew my birth plan but understood that I did in fact need it to get through.
My sister knew how to massage my lower back, where to direct the shower head to ease my pain and when to talk and most importantly, when NOT to talk She was just so supportive and encouraging of my birth plan. She was truly amazing.
Your friend picked you for a reason. You must be pretty awesome and I'm sure you'll be amazing if you're just yourself
Thanks ladies! Please keep the info and suggestions coming. It's much appreciated.
And Helle - I'm off to google Debra Betts. The more resources and options I have to try, the better chances are we'll find something that helps her succeed.
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We've already talked a fair bit about using different positions for pushing, and having the epidural (if any) removed or turned down for pushing. Hopefully she can go without this time, but we'll see.
She was just so supportive and encouraging of my birth plan. She was truly amazing.
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