thread: Who did you have present at the birth?

  1. #19
    Registered User

    Mar 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    For my first birth I had DP and my best friend there. I totally regret having my friend there, but felt pressured. My mum, brother, sister and family friend waited outside and I was over the moon to have them there as soon as DD was delivered. I just didn't want anyone seeing something so personal. THey were happy with that anyway, don't think they would have wanted to see it. I didn't even look in the mirror the Dr held up, yuk!!
    Anyway, next time it's just me and DH. My mum even said don't call until it's born, as it gets a bit frustrating waiting in the waiting room for hours. Because I felt so "high" straight after, I will be getting my immediate fam and in-laws to come straight after the birth. Also having DD, I will need someone to be there with her ready to come in as soon as the baby arrives. She did ask if she could watch (she's only nearly 7) and I told her I couldn't do that to her. I showed her a book about birth and think she understands!!!

  2. #20
    BellyBelly Life Member

    Jul 2004
    House of the crazy cat ladies...

    It was just me and DP at Aidyns birth... now when I look back on it I think that it may have been nice to have one of my sisters there - just because DP didnt really know what to do or say, and he didnt seem to realise how important this whole experience was - and his mood and manner was actually detracting from my experience..... but when Aidyn came out, it really hit home for him then, which was nice to see.

    I was lucky not to have any of my family or ILs asking or insisting to be at the birth... its like they understood that they would only be wanted there if I asked them to be, - and that was totally fine with them.

    Maybe next time I might have one of my sisters or Mum in there too, but not for the actual 'delivery' part, cause I would want those precious first moments to just be DP's and mine.

  3. #21
    Registered User

    Feb 2005
    out and about

    With my first, the twins I had DH, and my mum, and my sister ( she was 16) and it was great, i felt they all knew how I was feeling, and the support, and love we got !! fabulous. Was not impressed htough coz DH went out and rang the IL's when things were getting there, and they were waiting outside, as soon as I had them they were in congratulating us, and I was not impressed, as I felt all yucky, and at a disadvantage.
    With DD#3 it was just DH and I as mum was looking after the twins, and my sister had moved away by then, to be honest I felt their absence and wish there could of been a way for at least mum to be there! With this one, it'll just be DH and I again, as mum will be looking after the other 3.
    BUT mum is a midwife and so is a fabulous birth coach. its a real personal thing., and you have to do what feels comfortable for you.
    With #3 we didnt even ring anyone for a few hrs ( it was 340 am) and IL's didnt bother coming for 2 days!!! mum etc visited that day!!

  4. #22
    *Yvette* Guest

    It's entirely your call MissusC. Don't feel obliged at all to have anyone there you're not totally comfortable with. You can always just say there was no time to call them in the rush. This is not a time to be giving yourself any stress at all.

    Having said that, I highly recommend having at least one support person as well as your DH. Somebody you feel quite relaxed with, it's not a time for modesty.

    I like having my husband, kids & a support person there, as well as a midwife I know, and I'm pretty oblivious to other people in the background. I've always known who was there though, my mum for 2 of them, another friend, my father & brother outside the room. This time I'll have a room full of stranger doctors which will be weird.

    Do it your way! You can always talk to the midwife beforehand too, so that you can let her know if anyone in the room is bothering you, and she could make up an excuse for you why they have to leave.

    It is really handy to have extra pairs of hands. Your DH will get tired & need a break, & the hospital staff are not there so much for comfort things for you. Having your own people there to get you drinks, washers, rub your back or whatever, non medical stuff, is great. But if they're not going to be any good at that stuff and just make you uptight, they've got no business being there.

  5. #23
    Registered User

    Oct 2004

    Thank-you very much to everybody for their advice and stories. We ended up deciding not to tell anyone, only have DH to attend the birth. But of course these things never turn out as you expect them to. We had visitors here when my water broke (lovely!) who, after taking 2 hours to leave us alone, must have then told nearly everyone we know because the next 4 hours were spent taking phone calls from people who wanted us to call them the minute we had some news. This was at 3.30pm last Monday.
    We went to the hospital at 5am Tuesday morning and over the next 16 hours my SIL and my mum both dropped in to see how things were progressing. Neither of them were any help, but surprisingly they weren't a hinderance either.
    My mum was only there an hour when I told the midwives (who were insisting that I start pushing) that it wasn't going to happen and that I wanted some pain relief - preferably in the form of an epidural. They went and got the doctor who said that rather than being 9 cm (like the midwife thought) I was only 7cm and he insisted upon a c-section. So mum got sent home and by 10.30pm Tuesday night we had our beautiful son! Not quite what I thought it would be like but the result couldn't be better- he's very healthy and wonderful in every way.
    We've only just gotten home (I needed some major repairs!) but the moral of this long winded story is- sometimes you just can't plan every detail and what you think you don't want might just be what you need. Try to keep an open mind about the whole process and then you won't be too disappointed when things don't go exactly right.
    Thanks again...I've really appreciated this forum because there is always helpful and friendly people around!

  6. #24
    ♥ BellyBelly's Creator ♥
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    Feb 2003
    Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, Australia

    Hello everyone! I'm doing an article on choosing support people for your birth next month, and would love any contributions from members!

    I am after stories which are about support people who are non medical, and are there to support you physically, so not midwives or doctors. Please email them to me at info@bellybelly.com.au

    Any of the following would be great!

    1. Who did you have present at your birth for support?
    2. Why did you ask the people you did?
    3. What did you expect/ask of your support people?
    4. What did your support people do that you found beneficial?
    5. What did your support people do that you found not to be beneficial?
    6. Do you regret inviting anyone to your birth and why?
    7. What would you do differently next time?
    8. If you didn't use a professional birth support person (eg birth attendant or doula) would you consider one, if you had the money to do so?
    9. How do you think a professional support person could have helped you, physically and mentally?

    Thanks guys!!!
    Kelly xx

    Creator of BellyBelly.com.au, doula, writer and mother of three amazing children
    Author of Want To Be A Doula? Everything You Need To Know
    In 2015 I went Around The World + Kids!
    Forever grateful to my incredible Mod Team

  7. #25
    kelstar78 Guest

    for my labour I had my husband, mum & sister there as they are all great supports for me. My father, DMIL & DFIL were waiting outside and were allowed in a few minutes after. DFIL wanted to be there to catch the baby but we had to let him down gently!
    It is definately a good idea to have someone look out for your partner, make sure he gets something to eat, etc. But hatever happens, you need to be comfortable enough to let everything hang out!