Why do people need to know?

[~Kaz~]

Do you get asked a lot about the method of your delivery? i.e. "Did you have a natural labour or did you have to have a c-section?" and "Did you have a ceasarean or did you push him out?" by people?

I seem to be getting this question a lot from people who are friends/acquaintences but that I'm not that close to and don't see very often. It seems to be from women mainly and women who haven't got children. It comes about 5 min into seeing them after they've admired DS.

I have so many issues with this on lots of different levels and I don't really know where to start. Just wondering if other women experience the questions or is it just me? How do you reply? How do you feel about even being asked?

I have been dumbstruck and answered them (even though its none of their business!) and then promptly changed the subject. Because of my personal labour experience, I find it upsetting to be asked this question but even that aside, before I had children, I would never have asked anything more than a general question about 'did everything go ok' or similar. Then it's up to the woman to elaborate if she wants to. Now that I've had the experience of "giving birth" the whole topic is twice as off limits.

Am I odd do you think?

[BekZ]

I don't think you are odd feeling this way. However I do think that people are just curious and they probably don't even know why they are asking the question. I mean really what is it to someone if you've had a natural or c-section? Is it going to change their lives?..nope not one bit but humans being curious creatures tend to have a compulsion to ask questions albeit appropriate or not.

I often find that people who haven't had a child ask the most inappropriate questions. I put it down to lack of experience. I should know I was one of them once upon a time. Some questions I used to ask I would never dream of asking now.

[MantaRay]

I think different people do it for different reasons. I am sure there are people who are desperately trying to validate their own choices, or to come to terms with their own disappointing birth. I am also sure there are others out there like me who just love to hear birth stories! But I would never ask in that way. In fact I wouldn't ask anyone who I didn't know well. And then I would say something like "so tell me about the birth" or "were you happy with how the birth went?" or "was is a long labour?".

[angelaartsstudent]

Give them the grossest and most indepth answer possible! LOL

This is what my husband does - getting all detailed about my cervix and etc - and I'm sure that people very quickly become sorry that they asked.

[SweetPea]

Definitely not odd! With my first I got asked all the time 'how was the birth?' and 'how's the breastfeeding going?' even by total strangers at the shops I think most of the time I couldn't believe that they asked and just told them.

But with the second I haven't noticed people asking as much if at all, maybe I just don't get out of the house as often now!

[Astrid]

I see the question as no different to asking someone how their holiday went, did they drive or fly etc. I think most of the time it is just curiosity or just a converstation starter. I have had 2 not so great births, so I only tell what I am comfortable with depending on the person asking. I think a lot of it also depends on how the question is asked how I deal with it.

[Mildez]

Not weird however I do love birth stories I certainly wouldn't be asking someone if I didn't have to (as a midwife can't avoid it often) perhaps for a woman people ask as its something a large amount of us have done as adults regardless of our age (ie 20's to 100) maybe its something we all feel like we have in common although some of us have an easy time and others have a horrible time. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it and it is very private then I would tell them its none of their business or find a way to make the person realise its not a topic they should be asking you about. Unfortunately its probably something that regardless of how old your children/child is your going to be asked.

[NaeNae]

Oh Kaz - sorry I am "one of those people"

I wasn't before I started TTC but now I find its out of my mouth before I can stop it. Its not something I just go up to complete strangers it all depends on the conversation tbh but I have found myself doing this a lot more since my C-sec.

I do find other peoples journeys and experiences fascinating and just like sharing in here, I also find stories are inspirational and admire the women who have been through child birth regardless of natural and section.

[Lolli]

Personally, it bugs me. I try to avoid the the topic altogether.To me it's a private thing- i'm happy to share details but only if I offer them.

Atm, the one that's really bugging me is "so, you are you planning on having an epidural?" Grrrr- none of your beeswax!!

[~Kaz~]

Thanks for your replies girls - I guess it's like everything else, there's a range of experience and reactions to discussing this topic with people you don't know very well.

Lori I think I am the same. I just see it as a really personal issue (for any woman). Even when I was pregnant, I didn't want to hear other people's experiences in minute detail. It was too much information from people I'm not close to. If you're close to someone, it's different I think, if they want to talk then I'd be happy to listen.

I do need to accept that people will ask, stop feeling surprised about that and come up with a response that I am comfortable with. The person I was asked by today did not take my earlier 3 hints (being vague and general and changing the subject) and came at it again a couple of hours later to ask "so what exactly happened". I'm putting that down to her being a bit insensitive and nosey. And I still didn't answer her except to say "lots of stuff happened".

[briggsy's girl]

i've been asked a couple of times "how the birth went" - nothing specific or pointed, more about opening up the conversation if i wanted to go there. i just say we had a c/s, and we got our girl - doesn't matter that she came out through the sunroof!

i will share with some people what happened, and not with others - all depends on how it's asked. i don't find anything offensive about it personally - but then, i've faced a lot of questioning from people in regard to AC/IVF as i'm not someone that has hidden that from anyone - so i guess i see it as a follow on... people are curious by nature - for a LOT of people, it seems like a way for them to discuss their own experiences more than to listen to mine...

[smiles4u]

I had the opposite problem after my one & only child was born ... as i was in labour for 2.5hrs so i got "Oh, YOU had it easy didn't you " ... mind you DP's step-Gran whom hasn't had a child made this comment only 8days after i gave birth on my 1st Mother's day ... and my SIL whom also doesn't have a child made the same comment to me about 1mth later with a severe screaming colic bub in my arms Grrrr ... And they said it with a snigger which i thought was so cruel

Kaz ... next time tell them " Yes i birthed, wasn't easy but YES it was the most magical day of my life

[Glamourcide]

I often find that people who haven't had a child ask the most inappropriate questions. I put it down to lack of experience. I should know I was one of them once upon a time. Some questions I used to ask I would never dream of asking now.

I totally agree with those sentiments... being on BB has taught me sooooo much about being more tactful (probably has a lot to do with the fact that my mother is probably the most tactless - and now I just see it as downright rudeness rather than meaning well but missing the target, kwim? - person I've ever met, and unfortunately I was raised by her so it rubbed off), especially when it comes to the more painful parts of parenthood, like the right and wrong things to say around those who are TTC, have had a loss, had a less-than-desirable birthing experience etc...
When you don't have kids, you just don't 'get it', I suppose a lot of times people are just trying to express an interest in you and the kids and they kind of fumble a bit, kwim? Say the wrong thing without meaning to, because their intention was to get a conversation going or satisfy their own curiosity, rather than put their foot in their mouth, so to speak

I do get those kinds of questions a lot, but I'm one of those motormouths who has no qualms about sharing the gory details, whether it be putting the fear of God into a childless person by describing how I nearly bled to death giving birth to DD1, or bragging my backside off about how fast and easy DD2's birth was I can definitely understand though that for a lot of people, these kinds of things are off-limits as far as 'casual' conversation topics go - I mean, I don't particularly care to hear about, say, an acquaintance's sex life, nor would I wish to discuss mine with anybody but my absolute closest friends, so I suppose it all depends on the individual as to whether they're comfortable talking about certain things with certain people.
That being said, it does also depend on how the questions are worded - and yes, I would be a bit miffed if someone I wasn't close to used the type of wording you put in your first post - it may be a more 'informal' way of asking the question, but for those who haven't 'walked a mile' it can be quite offensive... so yes, the wording of the question itself, or the intended meaning behind it, would also determine whether I would be comfortable opening up.

[edaj84]

I love this response

[thepixie]

Kaz I think it's pretty normal to find it hard to deal with those questions especially if you're still processing your birth and doubly so if it was difficult or traumatic. I guess you need to come up with a non-specific response like "we both got through it in the end" or something like that. If they press you for more then I think you can simply say it's none of their business or you don't want to talk about it.