This is a vent as much as it is a request for advice. Please bear with me.....
I just got back from a lovely walk with my friend who is 27 weeks pregnant. She is (bless her) a lovely person, but one of those incredibly naive people who run off to the doctor over a spilled milk. Honestly, if a doctor told her to jump she would ask how high....
Anyways, so I asked her "when is your estimated due date again?" (Emphasis on the estimate). Turns out it was a week or 2 earlier than the original date she was given (which I advised her to stick with in order to prevent pressure to induce). Anyways... I just casually said its better not to expect the baby to come on your EDD, more 1# pregnancies go to 41 weeks than 40 weeks.. blah, blah.
Then she wops out this cracker, "Oh, my Ob says he will only let me go to 41 weeks - thats his absolute limit."
I was so shocked/angry etc etc that I couldn't respond. I am sort of regretting that now. However I think that if i did that it would probably have come out angily, or upset, which i wouldn't have wanted either.
So basically, I am asking, what should I do or say to her, if anything? Do I have a responsibility, being the informed health critic that I am, to gently advise her on the risks of induction and encourage her to do some research/offer her some articles/books to read?
I don't want to come across as pushy, and I respect her right to make her own decisons, but the poor thing is SO uninformed, she seriously treats anything a person in a white coat says as gospel......and i'd really hate to see a friend of mine become another victim of the system. To top it off, her baby is measuring small for her dates - another sign that her EDD is innaccurate (as they often are) and I fear its likely that an induction (which she would naively do at 40 weeks or earlier if her Ob suggested it) will lead to a distressed baby and C-section.
If it were her last baby - then yeah, so what. But its her first - and she has no idea about uterine rupture or any of those risks in subsequent pregnancies.
I am really worked up about this now - it just annoys me how naive and innocent people are so easily taken advantage of. But then part of me is saying to let it go - its not my baby etc - but I just cant help this feeling. I guess it would be easier if it were not my friend. I am really worried for the baby more than anything - i just don't think its a fair way to come into the world when everything is normal - why complicate things?
Have any of you been in this situation?
What do you advise??????
Last edited by JellyBean; April 10th, 2010 at 05:38 PM.
i would just casually mention that there are some risks involved and she can always talk to her doctor if the time comes that she is late. i wouldnt go into indepth detail unless she asks for it.
the other thing to bear in mind is that some people actually like being told what to do by the 'professionals' and makes them feel better to put their absolute trust in them.
i'm afraid that there would not be much you could do, even if you were to give some support for waiting. the system is incredibly effective in telling ppl when they need to have their babies. i understand that there are times when it is genuinely needed, however i cannot really see how they can make the summation so early in your friends pg (unless she had some prior medical condition?).
i reckon getting Alan to have a chat and also maybe introducing the subject in a way that Hollo suggested, in that she can decide at a later stage if she would prefer to just go for scans/monitoring rather than induction straight-out.
but in all honesty, i don't think it will really change things much. she will face alot of pressure from the OB and at the end of the day he is the one she believes is delivering her baby and knows best (at least, this was how i approached it first time!).
Not sure what you should do, but I know my sister was told her baby was huge (but wasn't) and the hospital ob insisted on inducing her 2 weeks early approx 38 weeks.
bubs was low 7lb so not big or small really.
her induction turned into a 20 hour labour followed by an emergency c sect. So first bub wasn't the best experience for her, and second time round she went straight for the elective c sect.
I felt through many years of both high school and university health education I was more informed and from using belly belly I knew what my dates were and was ready to fight a forced induction like that, and equiped with the information.
I think it also necessary to consider family history, all the bubs on both sides of our families have been born within approx a week of their edd, (with the exception of my sil who smokes) and both my bubs and i were 41 weeks +. My twin sisters where born at 39 weeks, and all bubs have been a healthy weight.
So I was very insistent with everyone this time that this bub would be one week late. No one believed me, now I'm doing i told you so's
I have been in this same situation with my sister who followed all sorts of crazy advice with her first which led to a csection for maternal exhaustion. Then with her 2nd she listened to the scanner who said she had a narrow pelvis and a big baby (10lb+) on board, so a VBAC was ill advised (8lb baby was born by elective csection). Now with her 3rd she would like a VBAC but has been told she is "not allowed". I feel like banging my head against a brick wall.
All I do (and I advise you to do the same) is offer gentle advice. For example, a new study has shown VBA2C to be as safe as VBAC, so I emailed this to her with a note saying "thought you might be interested in this, a different perspective". I don't know if she reads it but at least I know I have done my best to send her the info, and if she wants to talk about it I am here and can put her in touch with midwives who specialise in VBACS.
Just go gently, some people don't want to hear the truth and love following doctors orders.
Has she checked her due date with all the EDD website you can go onto now... Maybe introduce her to bellybelly and start her off with "how to work out your correct EDD" and follow on from there...and then quickly follow onto big vs small babies and induction and first time moms births...etc. Also informing her that labour can be long (and sometimes quick) so she has some knowledge and get her to talk to someone like Alan or other doula/private midwives...Once she is connected with other preg moms and new moms she may see she has plenty of option...
Also keep in mind that you do get some ladies who prefer the Dr route and whatever it may lead to but at least try to inform her but let her make her own choice at the end and then step back.
At least you can say you tried... and like my dad always says "every action has a reaction and one needs to accept responsibility for ones own actions and the consequences there of..."
If your friend is THAT convinced by medical professionals, my honest opinion is she won't change her mindset based on what you tell her.
If I'm completely honest - I was the EXACT same way with my first baby - induced at 38 weeks, listened and completely trusted the Dr's and I had a friend that tried to tell me different - my mindset was "that's great, but she hasn't gone to Uni for millions of years"
After the HORRIFIC experience of my induction, I got pregnant with my daughter and vowed "to get the epidural earlier this time because last time was horrific"
Well, I joined BB and started opening my mind (because I was ready) - and I ended up with a completely drug free, physiological third stage waterbirth.......but let me tell you, nothing anyone else could tell me would have made me realise - I had to on my own terms and time.
Now I'm not saying your friend will be that stubborn, but if she is that convinced by the white coats then I'm afraid this may affect your friendship if you become too passionate about her birth experience....
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