Wow, what a beautiful read. So honest. I really felt like I was right there, going through it all with you. I even burst into tears just as I was reading how the flood gates opened for you when you released those inhibitions you were holding onto. It is amazing that you were so aware although you were in so much pain. But maybe, just maybe, this awareness was also part of why you couldn't let go completely??? Or maybe it was the other way around? Maybe you remained so aware because you didn't let go completely?
I love that you don't have any regrets. No "if I could only have done or felt things differently". And there is no reason to, either. You and that beautiful little boy of yours did an amazing job together. And how wonderful was your DH's reaction. He must be an amazing husband to be so in tune with his own emotions.
Congratulations to both of you on the arrival of your son and to the three big sisters who will undoubtedly spoil him rotten!
Thanks for sharing.
Lots of love, Sasa