Oh, no, I feel so sorry for you! What an amazing chain of incompetence and bad decisions (not on your part of course, on theirs).
It's only because of your strength and determination that things didn't go even more wrong.
I can't believe the nerve of that midwife telling you not to oush and then jabbing you with pethadine without your consent!!! Have you made a complaint to the hospital?
I hope you can get over this experience and stop feeling all this regret. You did the best you could in the circumstances. None of this is your fault. Your wishes should have been respected.

Sasa