My sit-com birth story
Arrival of Thomas, full speed ahead! The doctors were calling him a record breaker, or like something out of a sit com. I am still laughing about it!
Contractions and pain and discomfort characterised this pregnancy from the beginning ? so when I awoke at 5am on Tuesday morning to contractions, I assumed it would be more of the same. I?d get up, the contractions would go away. I got up, and they didn?t. I woke dh and told him I thought I might be in labour but he?d heard all that before and laid in bed listening to the radio while I tried to talk myself out of being in labour. After all, we?d seen the OB the day before and she?d booked us in to have an induction at 40 weeks 3 days ? the *next* day. I had plans for Tuesday ? my last lie in, a good long walk and some self indulgent chocolate consumption.
After an hour, I was having stronger contractions ten minutes apart, with two smaller ones in between. I could tell they were labour contractions and no longer Braxton Hicks, as the sensation was all in my hips and back, and internally, rather than across my belly. I was also having a mild show.
I rang the hospital and told them what was happening, expecting to be told to stay home a bit longer, but they encouraged me to come straight in. By this time all the other kids were up and were getting really excitable. I had to keep telling them not to talk to me during contractions ? I?m glad I wasn?t having a home birth or I?d have murdered them all!
All the while I was still unconvinced this was the real thing. I?d pretty much given up confidence in my body to go into labour on its own. After snapping at dh that he didn?t have time for a shower, I now decided that nothing was happening, and said we should wait. Dh showered and I got grumpy, but another contraction that stopped me in my tracks made me admit this was finally, definitely it. I only had two more squeezes in the car on the twenty minute drive to hospital, during which I whined loudly about not enjoying having the baby?s head in my bum.
When we arrived at the hospital, the contractions were very uncoordinated and I was not the only one unconvinced that anything was actually happening. I felt all at sixes and sevens ? there was nothing regular, they weren?t strong, and every time anyone came near me to do anything like take my blood pressure, feel my stomach, or put in a canula (I needed a line in because of my age and parity risk factors), they?d stop. The midwife wasn?t very friendly or chatty but I focused on what was happening when everyone left the room.
After about an hour, I found the noise that helped me concentrate on my contractions, a sort of sing songy two tone, ahhh-ohhhhh. (I labour best when I can get the word ?pain? out of my head, concentrate on the other sensations, and relax every part of me to flow with the surges, and positive vocalisations help me with that). I felt restless and needed to keep moving ? sitting on the birth ball for one contraction, going to the toilet (inconveniently situated outside the ward next to the staff station) for the next, then leaning on dh or the bed for the next. Constantly shifting. Still no pain, but concentration was required to keep it that way. I kept wanting to get into my happy space, but every time I began to bliss out and look forward to a contraction, someone else would want to come and poke at me or the student doctor would walk in the room and just stand there and stare at me. Also distracting were two other women in the throes of second stage, making a considerable amount of noise and previewing for me, very kindly, what was to come.
By 10am, I?d been labouring like this for five hours, really, and you could tell that the midwife was getting toey with me. She felt my tummy during a contraction (which wasn?t strong because they fled at her touch!) and then said she wanted to do an internal to ?see if we are getting anywhere?.
I hop on the bed and spread ?em, contractions having been terrified away by the terse midwife.
Midwife: (inserts fingers and rummages impatiently) ?Well, you?re only 2cm at the most and still quite long. You have some options, you can go home [said with meaning] or you can stay.?
Me: ?I?m not going home? [thinks, sorry I?m not screaming loud enough for you] ?I?m sure once my waters have gone things will speed up. Do you think the doctor could do an AROM? I was booked in for one tomorrow anyway.?
Midwife: ?Mmmm. Well, I?ll go and talk to her.?
Me: ?Ooooohh-ahhhhhh? [breathe through mild contraction whilst flat on back]
Doctor #1: ?Mrs Many, the midwife says you?re only 1cm, and very posterior, and an AROM would be difficult. You have some options: you could go home, or you could stay and see how things go.?
Me: ?I?m sure once my waters have gone things will speed up. Do you think you could do an AROM? I was booked in for one tomorrow anyway.?
Doctor: ?Mmmmm. Well, why don?t I examine you, and see whether I can do one or not??
Me: ?Ooooooh-ahhhhhh.?
Doctor #1: Inserts fingers and puzzled look comes over her face. Removes gloved hand holding up four bloodied fingers, and says, ?Well, I don?t think I?m feeling what the midwife was feeling. You are at *least* 4cm. I?m going to get the senior doctor to examine you if that?s okay.?
Me: Encouraged but contraction free for the next ten minutes whilst flat on the back, waving fanny at ceiling. Doctor #1 goes off to consult with senior obstetric registrar and midwife.
Doctor #2: ?Let?s have a look at you then.? Inserts fingers and exchanges meaningful look with doctor #1. Midwife looks distinctly sheepish. ?Well I can certainly do an AROM, anyway,? she says and in two seconds it is done, revealing significant meconium staining (thereby validating my instincts to have my waters broken). She puts a clip on the baby?s scalp and I?m surprised at how easily that is achieved also and a little puzzled. ?Oh, by the way, you?re 8cm now and baby will be here any time now.? Doctor #1 says triumphantly, ?I thought that?s what I was feeling!!?
?Ohhhhh-ahhhhhh.?
Doctor #1: [in the tone of one asking ?soy or decaf??] ?What?s your preferred position??
Me: still in no pain, ?Um, on my hands and knees is best, I think.?
?Right-oh, then, scoot up the end of the bed, here you go.?
Me: Leaning over head of bed, totally stunned. I have not had a painful contraction yet, I am not feeling upset or transitiony apart from my legs beginning to shake. I was told twenty minutes ago I probably wasn?t even in labour yet. I laugh and tell dh, ?Action stations then! Now I have to do the hurty bit!? I drum my fingers on the bed head waiting disbelievingly, laughing incredulously at what I?ve just been told.
Next contraction: ?Ohhhhh-ahhhhhAHHH!? The adrenalin hits my system like a panic attack. I feel a slippery head bulge into my pelvis. Then I?m in a world of pain. There is no contraction or pushing, just this big lump moving through like the world?s biggest uncontrollable bowel movement. My hips feel like I'm splitting apart. The doctor tells me to move my legs further apart (I'm kneeling vertically) but I can't move my legs so I just lower myself down into a kneeling-squat instead. His head is suddenly on my perineum and the doctor is saying, ?Pant, now, pant for me,? so I pant and then with a surge I have no control over, his head pops out. I ask them to just pull him out please because his shoulders *hurt*. Then in a rush, he?s all out, and crying and purple and bloodied and covered in vernix stained green by the meconium and the whole room stinks because um, I did a poo (argh) and they pass him through my legs and I hold him to my tummy and he?s the most beautiful, squishy, lovely thing I?ve ever held.
I cuddled him while they helped me deliver the placenta. It took about half an hour to deliver it even after syntocinon and it really, really hurt. They had to be quite active about it as I am a ?grand multipara? which means haemorrhage is a big risk. After the placenta was delivered, they just wrapped a blanket around us all, turned the lights off and left us to it. Thomas had a breastfeed and spent much time being loved and sniffed and touched and cuddled. He was 3.59kg, with a head circumference of 36cm.
From the time the midwife started the internal that had her wanting to send me home (still can?t figure out *what* she was feeling LOL) to delivery, was 41 minutes. I can?t say how long active labour was ? perhaps three hours? I don?t know, since no-one seemed to believe I was actually in labour, including me!
My perineum was intact other than a small graze, and Thomas is a little gem. He had a terrible attachment at the breast but that has now been resolved, and I?ve had the best post partum recovery of all of the six deliveries.
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