we found out on new years day we were pregnant and according to our dates which were quite accurate as my cycle was a clockwork 28 and i charted ovulation with a fertility monitor that we had conceived on the night DF proposed! after 2 years we finally did it naturally a month before our first IUI at monash.

I had a rough pregnancy, severe morning sickness that started at 5 weeks 3 days and lasted until the day i met my son at 38 weeks! was on 3 different medications to help and was admitted for dehydration 3 times. we also had alot of bleeding in the first trimester which was scary. I also kept getting told to be prepared for a huge bub! during the 3rd trimester my liver function kept rising every few days and i was jaundiced. They ran many tests and scans and couldnt find why so they werent sure if bubs was being affected and therefore an induction is warranted. I was in constant fear of losing him and couldnt risk it so I agreed.

Monday 31st August: Went in at 6 am for the first set of gels, had an awful reaction to it and was extremely swollen "down there". Bubs was monitered on the ctg for 45 mins then we were sent up to maternity to wait 6 hours then check the progression.

at 2:30 had my 2nd VE, it was sooo painful I had to breathe through it! I have a retroverted uterus and a very posterior cervix and long vaginal canal, they even use an extra long speculum when i have a pap smear! he said NO dilation! i was annoyed but not too worried at this point, I had only had a few pains so didnt expect too much.

I had the 2nd set of gels inserted, monitered again then sent back to the ward. This time i was getting contractions 15 mins apart that were quite painful but i rocked through them and walked a bit, my DF helped me he was so lovely.we slowly got through another 6 hours and went back down at approx 9 pm, had the most excrutiating VE yet and was told that he could get one finger in and was only 1cm! i was so upset! he pondered a bit and said that his boss would just pressure me into a c section but he doesnt agree with this and decided to try another lot of gels again. I agreed. so we put more in! I was on the ctg again and thats when it hit me, TERRIBLE pain

was sent back up to ward but my DF was sent home, i started to cry as I knew it would be a long night! i laboured alone in the shower and walked the halls listening to screaming babies and felt like mine would never come! I couldnt take the constant contractions anymore and at about 1 am begged for pain relief, i had given in the nasty nurse on duty came in with panadol! i threw it up anyway! Every 20 mins or so i kept going to the nurses station and begging them for help while they sat there chatting and eating their dinner, i was disgusted, i asked to go down and get checked coz surely all this pain meant something was happening? the nasty nurse took me down and in the lift said to me " oh they hate it when we bring people down when they are busy with deliveries" i was thinking what the? isnt a labouring woman supposed to be in there!

I got hooked up to the ctg again and was bedridden in so much pain, i needed to pee so off i went and had a show i was so excited! but still no broken waters i also vomited again and wet myself and all the sheets! so embarrasing! got changed and cleaned up and textd DF to be prepared soon. I also kept asking for a pethadine shot which i had been promised earlier but to no avail! they kept palming off saying, " oh we are getting it" or "the doctor is writing the order" one midwife said " we cant give you anything until your water breaks" id never heard this before! i laboured alone for another 3 hours or so and begged again for something as I had been informed the Ob would not see me until 6 am! so I watched the clock the whole night, i was soooo tired. I was offered sleeping tablets only and took them but all it did was make me real drowsy and almost falling off the bad as I rocked through each contraction.

September 1st:
6 am finally came, no Ob! 7 am came and it was a LONG hour but he was so lovely and I had him the day before aswell, he VE'd me and he said im sorry there is no change i couldnt stop crying my DF wasnt there either they hadnt rung him for me. He said I had to wait for the consultant to come and discuss my options. I kept saying i was in sooo much pain and my back was on fire so they did a portable scan and bubs was posterier oh maybe thats why i couldnt sleep! he also wasnt engaged at all. So I lay there waiting for DF he came and I had a good cry. i was hooked back up again and bubs started writhing like i have never felt before it was almost painful about 5 mins of thrashing inside me DF could see from the other side of the room, il never forget it.

Ob came back and said i could have a c section, go home and hope labour will progress further or try induction all over again the next day, or he could try and break my waters with stirrups and me on the gas, he said i will def need the gas as it was going to hurt due to lack of dialation and that even then the drip may not make me progress. At this point i was exhausted and in so much pain and I had an eerie feeling so just wanted bub out. so i chose the c section

I was prepped and ready to go then they tell me oh there is a set back and you will have to wait until 1:30pm! at this point it was 10 am and I thought I only have to get through another 3 hours whats that compared to the last 26 or so! so me and Df were sent back to the ward and I cried and cried and laboured for nothing, i was NEVER offered anything coz it could interfere with the spinal block which i think is why they held of the peth, i think they knew i was on the way to a c section. I was finally wheeled down and DF was dressed, mind you he looked so handsome in the theatre attire.

I was given an anti nausea drug and a solution to drink to stop the all day sickness and vomiting and sat up ready for the spinal block. it took a while to get it right and it hurt quite a bit i kept getting a hot nerve pain down my right side of the back so they had to keep retrying. i was also contracting the whole time. Then im told oh we put in an epidural incase the spinal block doesnt work! i was so scared I would feel them cutting me! they rolled my on the op table and it was the worst feeling being paralised and i was all tingly and felt like dead wood. DF came in and was so excited and nervous i remember him talking to the staff about AFL but i was in my own world at this point and just wanted to get through the c section, i had totally forgot about the baby! they started and I didnt even know til DF told me then i felt tugging and my body was rolling round and my arms fell off it was quite rough and felt like an eternity, i felt all panicky and tingly and literally felt i couldnt breathe so I started crying and begging for help and had a massive panic attack . they put the O2 mask on and DF said i screamed for them to take it off coz i felt trapped haha! the staff were so calm and kind to me i remember shouting for someone to help me, i feel so embarrased now! i must have looked like a drama queen, but i cant describe how i was feeling i never even looked at DF But i felt him squeezing my hand and touching my face. then i puked everywhere and projectiled on the aneasthetist! he was lovely though and i had to get suction and started to cry again. Then i heard we need the forceps NOW! i was like what! then i heard this little baby crying! and i hear is the cord around the neck, and a reply, yes, i didnt say anything I lay there and waited. I said is he alive and they reassured me he was but he was on oxygen so I had to wait a little while, it felt like an eternity, there was no crying anymore, where was my baby? then i hear this squeeky noise and the nurse said thats him breathing on the oxygen i was so relieved, i asked was he ok and they said he was just lazy and slow to react and had a very low blood sugar level, then i see this little face with one eye open and the biggest pinkest lips ive ever seen the nurse held him in front of me for a few seconds then said he had to go to special care so i kissed his little head and off he went with his daddy.

i never got to see my DF's reaction, thats my only regret, he wont tell me whether he shed a tear or two, but im convinced he did. I didnt see my son for 3 hours as I was in recovery and he was not too well. I went to the ward and was milked by the midwife for my colostrum and they took it up to bubs. DF came back down with the cutest pic on his phone of bubs in the little crib, he was so excited ive never seen him so talkitive and smiling, it gets me all teary now! then I see this little thing with lots of dark hair wheeled into next to me and straight onto the boob he goes! DF also told me he wasnt allowed to cut the cord due to it being round bubs neck they had to get it off quickly, but he didnt mind he wasnt too keen anyway! i truly believe in my heart that bubs got himself tangled up the day before whilst i had the gels put in, i knew something wasnt right after he went crazy inside me. I sit here watching him sleep and feel so very very blessed. we went home only 2 days later, bubs lost half a kilo in three days but is now back to his birthweight so all is well, my boobs not so good! oh and they were wrong about him being heavy he was just very long! at 57cm!!!

we love you little Jonathan!!!