After waiting and praying and preparing for a VBAC I woke up at 430am at 42 weeks pregnant and cried into the arms of my gorgeous husband asking why I hadn't gone into labour overnight. He comforted me and we started chatting about how excited we were that regardless of the circumstances, in a few hours we would be holding our little man!
We got to the hospital at around 8 in preparation for the c/s and in the lift I panicked and told DH we had to finally decide on our little boys name!!! Up until that point he was James with no middle name! We decided on James ( for DH's great grandfather and it is also his middle name) Benjamin for DH's brother who we both adore, and George for my patient father who has 3 daughters and 3 grand-daughters.
We got to admissions and they didn't have any of my details! I felt like saying "see ya later then" and running off but sat and cried for the millionth time that morning instead.
One of the midwives finally came over and said, "well I am going to a meeting now with the Dr's and will see you when we get back". I'm sure at that point they thought we were crazy because c/s are not normally scheduled for a Saturday morning but the Head ob of the birth centre approved it for me to give me more time for my VBAC. The midwife came back with a smile on her face and said "well it seems like everyone around here knows about you but me so come on through and well done on getting to 14 days over!"
They took all my details, CTG, BP etc and then told us to wait. It got to around 11 and I got cold and got a blanket and curled up to have a nap, while DH decided to get something to eat, and while he was gone, theatre came up to get me. I panicked big time and told them they were NOT doing anything until DH came back! I gave the midwife in emergency his number and they wheeled me up to pre-op. DH was there not too long after and then he had to go while the anaesthetist prepped me. I have to say they are not the most compassionate people in the world. I was bawling the entire time and she said "what are you worried about exactly" Um I told her my baby being ok, and me being ok for my 2 babies. Not much really hey. They also told me that because theatre is so cold, that he would stay with me for a few minutes and then would have to go with DH and the nurse. That obviously made me cry again.
Things are a bit blurry then but they wheeled me to theatre and I remember saying "oh wow nice view I've never been in an operating theatre with windows before!" Clearly my mind had left me by this stage. I was still crying while they got ready to do the spinal, stopped crying while they did it, and finally someone tried chatting to me to get my mind off crying and then just lay there in disbelief that I was going through this *****ty process all over again. The sheet was lifted up and then DH was by my side chatting to me and keeping my mind off what I could hear. The anaesthetist showed me a tv screen above my head where I would be able to see the baby once born which made me really happy. Not too long later I heard the surgeons saying to me "Tanya he is a big boy!" and I heard the female surgeon say "I can't get him!" A few painful pushes and shoves on my tummy and then my blue, huge but still little guy was lifted up for me to see. My heart just leapt at the sight of him and the same thing happened with Izzy. The nausea and sadness and fear I had prior to that moment all disappeared at the sight of that slimy little body! I watched him on the screen while DH cut the cord and cooed to him from the table saying things like "its ok little man, its ok" while weeping. Not very long later he was in my arms and stayed there for the entire time they stitched me up. He was on my chest while DH held him there which was just divine.
James and DH went off to get weighed while I got cleaned up and into recovery and again not too long later he was back in my arms. I nearly fell off the bed when DH told me he weighed 10 lbs!!!! I didn't get to feed in recovery but we had gorgeous lovely cuddles and James was pretty happy with that.
Back on the ward we had a gorgeous midwife who helped me get on my side and we did baby led attachment somewhat awkwardly but still beautifully, my little champ licked and nuzzled and finally attached himself so beautifully.
I am still grieving my VBAC but really, this little man who has already brought so much happiness to our lives is the most important thing and he is thriving already!! 430grams in 9 days!
I love you my little man and I look forward to seeing you grow up to be a gorgeous, confident and honest man like your daddy.
Last edited by Beach Mama; November 3rd, 2008 at 02:21 PM.
thanks for sharing your story tan ... I'm sitting here crying too!!!
I am so sorry that you didn't get your VBAC... I know we were all sending great VBAC vibes your way...
but it sounds like you have an amazing little man there, that you and your wonderful DH created so beautifully and I am sure that he is going to bring you joy for the rest of your lives.
congratulations on being so strong both physically and emotionally!!
can't wait to hear updates
Oh Tan, your strength and determination is truly amazing. You gave it your all to get your vbac, we on BB know how important it was. But, you have your little man safe in your arms, you gave it your best shot. Well done, you are an inspiration and a wonderful mother. You gave your little man the gift of life - nothing wrong with that xxxx
Thank you so much for sharing tan, to be honest i've been looking forward to this story since you gave birth! I know you didn't get the birth you wanted, but in my opinion, you did an EXCELLENT job regardless. Congratulations again to you, your husband and the rest of your family on the birth of such a gorgeous 'little' man xoxoxox
Congratulations Tan I'm sorry you missed out on your VBAC. I got a little teary reading about how precious that moment was seeing James for the first time - how thoroughly inspiring and beautiful that was!
Well done, babes. Enjoy your gorgeous little man
aww tan.. thank you so much for sharing - I was ok until I got to the part about Al ... then I just started bawling. The photos of him with James say it all. huge xxx
The very long awaited arrival of James!...
He comforted me and we started chatting about how excited we were that regardless of the circumstances, in a few hours we would be holding our little man!
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You grew a beauty!!!
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