FL, you're awesome. Fantastic effort - seriously

TT, I'm so sorry I missed your post earlier. It is really natural to have mixed emotions about everything right now... Things are so up and down for you in so many areas and you've got all those wonderful hormones to add to the mix!

When I weaned DS2, we had a crappy ending. I wanted so much to have this beautiful ending to my bf journey... We had what I thought might have been our last feed and it wasn't nice, so I thought "one more, first thing in the morning, so I can have a nice lasting memory of feeding".

Well he woke up at 2am, screamed at me, kicked me, whacked me until 6am when I caved and fed him, he wriggled and kicked me and DH the whole time he was feeding (not trying to kick us, just from so much wriggling around we were getting whacked with his feet), he was only on for about two minutes and then wrenched his head off and demanded rice bubbles.

So yeah, that was my last feeding experience. Yay me.

So I get what you're going through, sort of anyway. Something that you treasure is turning out not so great. I feel for you. I wish I could tell you it's going to stop, but you know as much as I do that it may not. It'll get better. One day, some day, things will improve.