Breastfeeding Cards

[Artechim]

I normalise BF in public by paying no attention to it. By making a song and dance, either positive or negative, it is just perpetuating the notion that it is not an every day thing. I also don't pay any attention to people FF. I might smile like I do when anyone catches me looking at their baby

[LimeSlice]

Perhaps they are thanking you because something you are doing NOT for them is having a positive effect on their existence and they believe that they should show you gratitude for that.

Perhaps it is simply an acknowledgement that your behaviour has had a ripple effect and they feel the need to thank you for that to show their appreciation, so you are aware that your action has positive effects in ways you were not intending, therefore you are making the world a better place in ways you didn't anticipate.

If I see a woman breastfeeding, I am not going to go up and speak to her. Why? Because I am a breastfeeding mum and I know how hard it can be to get a baby to latch and feed in a public place with all the distractions as it is, without some noob coming up and interrupting, disturbing the baby, interrupting the moment and intruding upon that. passing or dropping a card on the table or seat next to them as I smile and walk by is much less intrusive and much less likely to make the person feel self-conscious or nervous, or creeped out by being approached by a stranger.

I don't understand the point of making a positive into a negative simply to satisfy a semantic, philosophical argument.


ETA: Don't get me wrong, I probably wouldn't bother with cards either, I do smile at women when they are feeding in public, like a raised hand between passing bus drivers And I agree that the best way I can effect normalisation of breastfeeding in public is to ignore it, but the best way I can effect a confidence boost to an individual new mum breastfeeding in public, is to acknowledge that she is doing well and give her that encouragement to keep putting hte ffort in.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I've edited my last post, Limey, as I've done some soul-searching and decided my displeasure is about my history and mental lines than the card itself, per se.

I loved it when people spoke to me when BFing after the first month. I would have been very bored if they didn't! Especially as I BFed at a lot of coffee mornings and playgroups. It didn't have to be about babies and feeding, just not shutting me out or stopping my brain from working. Thanks for providing the thought that others are not the same as me, it is good to be reminded of that.

[Teeki]

Going back to what the card actually said - thank you for breastfeeding in public and making it easier for others to do the same - how true is that anyway? If you're a mum who maybe isn't so confident breastfeeding in public, does seeing me do it make it any easier on you? Will you be more confident about it next time?

[LimeSlice]

I think that in general, yes it would. If the main obstacle is that self-confidence to not feel like everyone is staring at you thinking "put your tits away, whore", which I think can be easy for new mums to think, given the prevailing attitude toward breastfeeding without a cover.

[PumpkinZulu]

Absolutely. When I was new to BF and using the shields, and I'd walk into (for example) the parents room in Myers in the city, and there were a bunch of women feeding with bottles, I felt much more nervous. Not necessarily because I was getting a vibe that I was being judged (although sometimes I did), but because I didn't feel like I was in a place where my fumbling to get the shield and baby on before I dripped everywhere would be understood. Some of the most reassuring conversations I had with strangers in those early days involved both myself and the other woman with babies on our breasts. As I got more confident it mattered a whole lot less to me about that sort of thing, and when my milk dried up and I became one of the women with a bottle, I made sure to smile at the lone BFing mum in the room (and had some great feeding convos with the bottle feeding mums too!). So I saw both sides, but can certainly appreciate how much harder it was (for me at least) to be a minority breastfeeder when your confidence is low

[Teeki]

I suppose I don't think about how me doing something like feeding DD affects others. But I suppose whatever I think of me doing it, if it has a positive affect on someone else and helps her feel better about feeding her baby whenever and wherever, then that's only a good thing.

I suppose this thread shows that whatever your reaction to something like breastfeeding in public, it won't be everyone's cup of tea. Eg I'd still think it a little strange to be given a card but don't mind people talking to me when I'm feeding DD. But for some Mums, they'd think I was a weirdo for talking to them whilst they're breastfeeding.

[Calluna]

Receiving a card- I don't breastfeed in public for any other reason than to feed my son, and I have never been shy about getting my boobs out. But if someone gave me a card or said something to me I'd be pretty chuffed. I'm really proud of what we've achieved and happy to share that with anyone who asks.
But at the same time I am quite socially awkward and find it emotionally draining to have a conversation with someone. Add to that, the fact that from day1 DS was a very sleepy, but distracted baby and fed for, literally, 3 hours at a time; the option of someone giving me a card and a friendly smile would have been much prefered to a chat.

Giving a card- As I said above, I find it very difficult to talk to people. The very idea of having to talk to a stranger gives me anxiety. Many times I have wanted to tell a mum, that they are doing a great job, but have been too scared. I would love to have a stack of cards I could quietly pop on the seat or something, allowing me to offer encouragement and support without the chest pains, sweating and nausea.

[Kathryn163]

I have trouble seeing the difference between the validation of "Thanks, I appreciate that" and "from one mum to another thank you for breastfeeding in public and making it easier for other mums to do the same". I'm not trying to be smart or cause argument, I honestly don't see much difference. What was written on the card was (to me) is a more thorough "Thanks, I appreciate that". It's very possible that the person that gave out the card was also a breastfeeding Mum that finds it difficult to breastfeed in public, and that seeing other Mum's do it makes her feel more confident to do it as well.


I was also thinking about the whole "preaching to the choir" thing. One thing that I think the cards do is get people talking about breastfeeding in public. A Mum breastfeeds in public, gets given one of those cards, talks about it with her friends, maybe even posts about it on facebook/forum/other social media, which gets people talking about public breastfeeding. This chatter might make other Mums that are more self conscious about feeding in public feel less alone, and that in itself might make them more comfortable doing it herself.

Mylitta, you are right this thread has boosted my confidence about bf in public. I am a new Mum to 4 month old baby and have had a lot of physically painful difficulties breast feeding but we are getting there. For a few reasons even though I still bf in public, I still don't feel totally comfortable and am always anxious to cover up. Thank you to the confident women not afraid of bf in public and for the shy women likemyself who show me I'm not alone. For me encouragement is very helpful to my Mummy journey. Let's celebrate motherhood in all it's different forms.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Going back to what the card actually said - thank you for breastfeeding in public and making it easier for others to do the same - how true is that anyway? If you're a mum who maybe isn't so confident breastfeeding in public, does seeing me do it make it any easier on you? Will you be more confident about it next time?

For me personally, yes and yes.

[~ Mylitta ~]

Good point, Mylitta. I suppose I thank people when they have done something for me. When I feed my child, I'd expect a thank you from my child, not a stranger. I'm not BFing for the stranger's benefit and would feel put out that people would think I was.

So someone thanking me makes me think that they feel I am doing something for them, when in this case I am not.

But perhaps you have helped others simply by breastfeeding you kids in public. You may think of it as simply feeding your child, but to some others that might see you, it might be just what they needed to see to gain the confidence to go it themselves rather than rush come, find a secluded parenting cubicle or breastfeed in their car. So although you may find it odd to be thanked for nourishing your own child, I would like to personally thank you for breastfeeding in public because it's people like you that make me feel more confident doing it too ♥

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Well, you are welcome Mylitta. But how do you know how my actions have helped/hindered others? Maybe seeing me feed put another woman off. Maybe people said negative things about me when I couldn't hear but another mother could and she stopped feeding in public from then on.

So it's nice you want to thank me and nice you are doing it in person, rather than a card that firstly gives me a name I do not desire (mum - I hate it and never will be "Mum": I am Mummy/Mamma and would rather Liebling called me by my name than used "Mum") and secondly would freak me out and is, in fact, causing me trouble sleeping. (I know, I need a life.)

If a mother told me that I'd helped HER then I'd be less freaked. It is nice to help people. But how do you know if I have helped anyone at all by feeding in public? You never saw me, so I couldn't have helped you in that respect.

However, if you mean by being all angry about these cards and pro-feeding in public is helping you, even though you've never seen me feed my child, then I am happy to help and thanks for letting me know.

(I did thank another mother who I never saw feeding in public: when Liebling was under a month old she saw me feeding in a mother's room and asked why I didn't use the cafe: because Liebling was on and off and distracted constantly at that point - but the fact that she encouraged me to feed in public was nice.)

[Starfish]

In answer to the OP, I personally think its nice - kind of like a more specific Thank You card. I agree that the wording is a bit awkward but if it's a mass produced card, then it's bound to be, isn't it?
When I was first breastfeeding DD I used to get nervous in public, so every time I saw another mum breastfeeding her baby, it did make me more confident (I would think "If she can do it, then so can I" type of thing).
Many mothers are anxious about breastfeeding in public for various reasons. Anxiety affects your letdown, which probably leads some of these women to be physically unable to feed in public due to their discomfort, so anything that helps put these mothers at ease is a good thing.
Breastfeeding whenever, wherever needs is normal and natural, but unfortunately there is still a significant percentage of the population that is no aware/does not agree with this. The more confident women become breastfeeding in public, the less need there will be for "official" acknowledgement.