Breastfeeding Shame.

[peanutter]

or just squirt them, and say "see, it's good, isn't it?"

:P

[kelebek]

one of the main reasons I wanted to breastfeed was cause it was free and I am cheap so it made heaps of sense to me that I wanted to feed at least until 1 and then with my interedumacation I learnt about the benefits of feeding for longer and here we still are. We are mainly feeding once at night so at least I don't have to tell anyone and most people assume he is weaned even if he did go into childcare today and the 5th word out of his mouth was 'boob's'

[helle]

one of the main reasons I wanted to breastfeed was cause it was free and I am cheap so it made heaps of sense to me that I wanted to feed at least until 1 and then with my interedumacation I learnt about the benefits of feeding for longer and here we still are. We are mainly feeding once at night so at least I don't have to tell anyone and most people assume he is weaned even if he did go into childcare today and the 5th word out of his mouth was 'boob's'

For sure! Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free is what I always think haha

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

well said gorgeous... maybe we should get badges made, "YES, i am STILL BFing, don't ask stupid Q's you wont get stupid A's"

FWIW i am still getting those comments too, even from ppl i've explained it too before!

[Heaven]

Good on you!

I don't know why anyone else thinks it's any of their business??

I want to get DD one of these: http://images8.cpcache.com/product/8...olor-White.jpg
http://images7.cpcache.com/product/3...olor-White.jpg

[krisp]

I love this thread!

I had FF shame just like you mentioned with your BF shame when my DS was 3 months old. I hated getting out a bottle in public and would try and time my outings so as he didn't need a feed. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if us Mummys could all go about the business of "Mummying" without feeling that familiar pang of Mothers guilt....

So I say go for it and BF for as long as you like! BF is a natural part of being a Mother and we should never feel ashamed of it or our bodies ability to feed our children.

Boobies really are fab things huh!

[Laranna]

Well said Teagz. It does take a bit of practice to stand up for what you believe in. At first I used to feel the same and would just mumble something like "until she weans". But you know what, why should we have to assert ourselves or justify ourselves. It's our choice! Now when I get asked I proudly say "until she is at least two". I have found that the more confident you sound the less questioning you get. I do get the odd look but no one has actualy questioned me further!

Keep up the great work hun.

[Jennifer13]

DD still talks about my bbs and bfing now at four and a half. The other day she told me that when we have another baby she wants one boobie and the baby isn't allowed to have that one.

I don't know if it helps, but if you can get up the courage to challenge people's misconceptions about bfing and how long you continue to bf your child, think about the fact you're normalising bfing and showing people that some of the misconceptions out there about bfing are wrong.

I go along to our preschool mums' dinners when we have them and I remember last year summoning up the courage when bfing came up to say that I was still bfing my then 3 1/2 year old. Funnily enough, if you're straightforward about it and sure of your reasons, mostly you get interest from others, rather than condemnation. When it's just a measured discussion, it's surprising what comes out. One Mum confessed immediately after that she felt bad for weaning her DD at 18 mths and that she'd considered going for as long as the next baby wanted (she was pg). So I hope in some way I made her feel that if she did want to, it's completely normal. Worth talking about it just for that!

I think those who don't do it are more interested in why (because they know you and probably don't consider you that odd, which they might do if they were reading about a stranger in the paper). When your baby is still under 12 mths I think you possibly come up against a bit of Mummy-guilt from some bottle feeding parents who haven't come to terms with their own decisions, or are grappling with the logistics of going back to work and being apart from their babies, etc, etc. Which is a shame, but not your issue.

The longer you bf, the better you feel about it. Plus, all of those, "oh but your child will be ..." comments start to drop off, when your child appears so normal, despite your strange obsession with continuing to bf.

[Rivlas]

Ladies, never be ashamed to admit you are breast feeding. If you are going to feed past 12 months do it with pride.
You will find that many who ask the why question could not feed for long so think everyone is the same. i would have loved to have feed for more than 8 months but I lost too much weight to keep going.
Look them in the eye with pride and tell them you will feed until you feel it's time to stop.

[helle]

you girls are all brilliant

[RhiChiChi]

It is weird, right? It's not just me? I know which I'd prefer if I were a baby... just saying

Some people are weird! lol What is it to them anyway?!

Never be ashamed!!!!! Be proud you are nourishing your baby in the way god created!!!!!!!

My MIL asked when DS1 was 5 months old when I was stopping feeding I turned around and said 7 years!!!
She does not know he is still feeding over the age of 2 as DH is funny about it! No idea why, he regularly asks when I will stop feeding DS1.

My SIL is supportive of it and has no issue and I am comfortable with this.

Bahahahaha!

Good on you!!!!

You know the other day I was saying to DH that I feel really uncomfortable feeding DD2 when Im with my mother group. Why? Because is the only one who is breasfed. During the last meetup I went to, a lot of the babies, all at different ages, newborn to 15 months, started needing a fed. So one by one all the mums started getting ready. Bottles came out, then formula, followed by the bottle shake and shimmy.

Whilst this was happening, I just made myself comfortable, and fed DD. During this I noticed that one by one each mum looked at me with this look of are you still bfeeding? I really felt like they were judging me for feeding my baby by breast, yet I try really hard not to judge them for the decisions they make. After all its none of my business so why on earth do they feel the need to judge me for doing it differently!

Maybe they were just envious?!

I love this thread!

I had FF shame just like you mentioned with your BF shame when my DS was 3 months old. I hated getting out a bottle in public and would try and time my outings so as he didn't need a feed. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if us Mummys could all go about the business of "Mummying" without feeling that familiar pang of Mothers guilt....

So I say go for it and BF for as long as you like! BF is a natural part of being a Mother and we should never feel ashamed of it or our bodies ability to feed our children.

Boobies really are fab things huh!

I had FF shame too

you girls are all brilliant

Awww, glad you feel better

[Jellyfish]

I completely understand how you feel! Some of my friends didn't even ask when I was stopping, just openly assumed it would be at 12months; "can't wait till you stop feeding at 12months so that we can go have a big night out" etc. I never really said anything, the whole smile and nod routine but now that 12months has come and gone, they are beginning to get it a bit more and I'm less reserved talking about it. Like you, I now try to share information about breastfeeding as proudly as possible because I don't want the shame cycle to continue.

[helle]

I don't know why anyone else thinks it's any of their business??

I don't know why other mothers feel the need to question other mothers. parenting is hard enough without being picked at by other mothers for doing it "wrong". what happened to the sisterhood?

[peanutter]

I don't know why other mothers feel the need to question other mothers. parenting is hard enough without being picked at by other mothers for doing it "wrong". what happened to the sisterhood?

I completely agree.

I get snarky looks from SAHM because I've gone back to work.

I get sideways glances and mutters about "special treatment" from people who know I take time out to express twice per day at work, and refuse to work back late if I don't have extra cups or time to express in the evening.

I get surprised and/or mocking looks from people who hear that we use cloth nappies (and they seem to assume that I'm too poor or too stupid to use disposibles).

I get condescending comments from people who think I'm ridiculous and idealistic to believe I can work full time and still be close to my son, and breastfeed exclusively.

I get rude comments about being neglectful, a bad mother, or lacking true femininity from people who don't understand why I wanted to go back to work.

I get asked constantly who looks after my baby when I'm at work (uh, his father?)

I then have people tell me how lucky I am, and how grateful I should be that my DH has "let" me go back to work, and that he's "agreeing" to basically cuckold himself by being a SAHD, despite the fact that he loves being at home, has wanted to be a SAHD for years and years, and was thrilled when I said I was happy to keep working. (Don't get me wrong, I am lucky and grateful to have a partnership where our desires re child rearing and careers is so perfectly matched - but do men get told all the time to count their blessings that their partner is happy to be a SAHM? or is that just assumed?)

I get people suggesting that I'm lazy by going back to work, instead of doing "real work" by being a proper mother.

I get people suggesting that I'm stupid for having kids before my career is better established.

I get "advice" from people who say:-
a) I should stop breastfeeding immediately, as one day my milk will dry up (because of my working) and it will be upsetting for my son to suddenly not get milk from me anymore (and no, this argument makes absolutely no sense).
b) I should stop breastfeeding at 6 months, because after that they need only solid food
c) I should breastfeed until 12 months because they still need the closeness until that age
d) I am a bad mother if I don't breastfeed until 2 years because that's what the WHO says, and who am I do dispute, and if I can't do that then it's my own fault for going back to work and thinking I can "have it all"
e) I am not a "real woman or mother" if I don't let Joshua decide when to stop breastfeeding, by him consistently refusing the breast for at least 17 consecutive days (does *anyone* know where this number came from?).

I get ignorant comments about breastfeeding, expressing, nappies, dummies, methods of settling, methods of burping, when I do and don't take bubba out, when I would or wouldn't take him to the Drs, amount of playtime -v- sleeptime, putting him in a cot instead of a bassinet or co-sleeping, methods of carrying, different holds to use while breastfeeding, having pets with children, what types of toys/books/stimulation we should use with the baby, and a hundred other things.

I sometimes just stop "others" and ask them if they think I'm an idiot. The answer has to date always been "no". I then ask them whether they think I've done my research, and am doing what I believe is best for my son.

Generally "others" shut up.

When they don't, I point out that their opinion and criticism was not requested, and that I respect their choices for their children, even if I disagree with them.

It's just maddening - unless you think someone else is harming their child (intentionally or otherwise) why criticise?

Why not just support each other, and accept that you and they clearly differ in the way they think it's best to do whatever?

We do this every day with other things (driving to work -v- public transport, wearing makeup or going bare, different ways of exercising or dieting, which political party or football team we support).

Why is it that when it comes to child rearing, some people think it's a free-for-all to give not just their two cents, but to presume to dictate what we should be doing, when we haven't asked?

Apologies for the vent, but it makes me angry sometimes to get so much criticism and judgment, when we're all trying so hard to be loving and wonderful mummies.

[starangelk]

Peanutter - I hear every single word you say and applaud your post.

[RhiChiChi]

Peanutter - I hear every single word you say and applaud your post.

Just wanted to share the love - great post Peanutter.

[KimmyF]

i could have posted this myself when i still feeding DS. he was exclusively BF and i continued feed when i went back to work part time at 10 months and expressed during my work day, he self weaned at 14 and half months and i was very sad to let go of our BF time. I had lots and lots of support but for all the support i had i also had that shame and embarassment when people asked me "are you STILL feeding" i often felt myself blushing making excuses etc.

When our new bubba comes along next Feb i am going to be out and proud with my BF, no more hiding in corners and pretending he's just asleep under his blanket (when he was actually feeding to sleep lol)

great thread Teagz and I think Krisp is right we all get that shame at some point no matter which we feed, perhaps you have encouraged us to be more supportive of ourselves as parents xxx

[tellytubby]

Aww Teagz, I couldn't have read this without sending out some love
What a fantastic thread

I've just loved sitting here, reading through all of your posts. It's so great to be part of a community where breastfeeding is considered so so normal. I really love it!

I think I have 'milk goggles' on constantly, I very very rarely notice any weird looks or knarky comments regarding my decision to breastfeed. And seriously, I do it anywhere and everywhere.
I walk with bub in the baby bjorn, while feeding.
I've fed at two seperate funerals. One being a cemetery service where I was sitting infront of and facing over 400 people.
I feed in the food area at the shopping malls.
I feed at Target on the chairs for sale.
I feed at cafes. at restaurants.
I feed at bunnings.
I feed at the doctors, at the hospital.
I feed at the pub.
I feed ANYWHERE where my son decides he would like a slurp. LOL!

Maybe I look like the type of woman who you don't want to mess with? I am so confident, and comfortable breastfeeding, I think it really makes a difference in how people view you. Hold your head up high babe, you're doing such a fantastic job.

Jennifer13 - I really do applaud you. What you did at the preschool meeting was fantasic, you are really leading the way in helping our country associate breastfeeding as NORMAL, NATURAL and most of all BEAUTIFUL. Well done