DS#2 has severe sleep issues - which are sort of getting on top of - but he still wakes every 3-4 hours for a feed. (which is a HUGE improvement BTW)
At sleep school it was recommended that we have a dream feed to prevent him from waking in the early hours of the morning for a feed. Problem is he still wakes up. He is eight months old and a good size/weight and am I assured that he simply does not need feeding every 3-4 hours overnight no matter how hard he protests and he is a very loud protester and can protest for hours so I just end up feeding him anyway - after being worn out trying to resettle!
Should I still persist and hope that it works eventually or give up and go crazy with the sleep deprivation and early night waking?
Dream feeds never worked for us, if it seemed to, it ended up being a fluke. Half the time we ended up waking her up accidentally so it caused more trouble than it was worth.
Hun, Dream feeding did not work for my DS, although I continued to do it for him, he was a pretty constant 4hrly feeder. And I went with the motto that if DS is so loud and protesting, he must want food. So, my DS feed 4 hourly till about 6 months, when he drooped the 3am feed for a couple of nights, then when he woke and cried for a feed, I was able to resettle quickly without offering. Again, when DS just dropped the 11pm feed (at 8 months) he again, slept through it for a few nights, and then when he woke crying I was able to quickly resettle him.
My DS is a very loud protester for food, and has been since birth, so I could tell if I was able to resettle without food or if it had to be offered. And I admit, I sometimes felt like I was cheating by offering food, but I felt that he needed it, so I had to provide. And I hated getting up at 3am for a feed, but it got quite quick, and I could do it almost with my eyes shut...And when he was ready to drop the feeds, he just slept through.
Dunno if that helps you out.... Sorry.... But hang in there, it sounds like you have come a long way, and I am sure you will get through this too. Have you tried reading Elizabeth Pantley No cry sleep solution... it might have some good gentle ways in it to help you . I found it quite useful in getting some good tips for getting my DS to sleep...
Ok... I been thinking about this for a bit... and I wanted to ask you... when you "give in" and feed your DS in the wee hours of the morning, do he drink hungrily? or is he just drinking for comfort and resettling? Cause that might help you work out a strategy for going forward....
As in, if he is just looking for comfort and a help to get back to sleep there are methods you can use to teach him how to do that without the need for a feed, but they are hard work. I weaned my DS from feeding to sleep, and it is hard work, but I think can be done...
No, I haven't read the "No cry sleep solution". I need the no "screaming" sleep solution - this is one VERY ANGRY screaming baby. The nurses at sleep school - said geez "he's loud!" Can you give me any ideas? We pat him on the bottom in the cot, put our hands on him so that he doesn't thrash around too much when he is screaming and trying to settle. Any other ideas?
The paed thinks he has allergy/intolerance issues - so that does seen to play a part too! I are starting to get on top of what he can and can't tolerate and yes - it does affect his behaviour too! I am starting to predict what will set him off.
Feeding - last night - it was just a bit of a comfort feed - he is teething too, which doesn't help. At times, he does have a vigorous feed, so it does vary. Will take note of what he does tonight - that it is sleep.
Hi,
It sounds like you are having a really hard time. Are the only alternatives persisting (it's not sounding like you are actually getting the sleep you need) or going crazy with lack of sleep?
A story from my own experience. My eldest, Zac, was not a sleeper. He was as high needs as they come - never happy unless in my arms or on my boob. We went to sleep school when he was 5 mnths old. I was advised to "persist" at the rocking, rollover feeds etc. I was fairly literal back then- so I never did feed him overnight. But at 10mnths my dh and I were still going in rocking and patting. He religiously woke up every two hours. At 10mnths my ABA group leader kindly pointed out that I was getting really no sleep that way either and had I considered putting him in bed with me. Out of desperation I tried it. It was better - yes, it took some practice, no I didn't always love it, but overall we got more sleep. When his baby brother by and by was born and moved in to the family bed with us, we all co-slept, or I took the baby or toddler to another bed, or my husband took a child to another bed. He stayed up late and I jumped in bed at 8.30 to get some sleep in the early part of the night. We took turns sleeping in on weekends.
Truth be told, my second child, and my first were worse sleepers than my first. but they sure benefitted from the things my firstborn taught me. And when I look back, I don't remember the exhaustion (much...) I remember the cuddles in the morning, the way I could comfort them so easily, the fact that co-sleeping enabled me to breastfeed long term. That boy will be 16 in March - as intelligent, loving, grounded and fabulous a son as a mother could hope to have.
It is hard, really hard when you have a high needs child. He needs you. It is hard to know how he feels inside - allergies can make you feel just "not right" in yourself. He's reaching out to you. But how can you care for yourself so you can care for him? Sleep is part of the answer - and you need to grab as much as you can. But the support of friends, family and other like-minded parents will get you through
i found with DD it didnt do a thing she would suckle but then would still wake the same time
With DS i would have to turn the lights on completely to wake him enough to feed so dont bother either.
he will go down from 7pm and i would resettle witha dummy until 6am if he woke
If he is sucking for comfort then I really suggest trying to get your hands on that book... I borrowed it from my local library, or I would lend it to you... It has some really great suggestions for helping babies to change their associations, like boob to sleep, and gently working to get through it. In fact if you google it, the website has some excerpts from the book...
No, dummy doesn't work either - he thinks it is something to play with!
Thanks for the book recommendation Rufalina - have googled it and watched the video on YouTube. Will see if my local library has a copy. Too sleep deprived to leave the house today!
Ticklish - we're in a very similar place right now... co-sleeping is working for me at the moment, but my DS doesn't suffer from excema so I can see why you would avoid it. It's not working for DP though, and he wants it to stop. It's just so much easier to re-settle DS when he's close and 9 times out of 10 a feed is what works. It's rarely just a comfort suck. Up until recently DS would sleep in his cot, but has never fallen asleep there. But since our routine was disrupted by holidays, DS screams if I put him anywhere near his cot, even if he's sound asleep. It's amazing.
I've read Elizabeth Pantley's book, and it's certainly been useful in getting the sleep associations changed (sort of, it's a slow process). However, DS is a high-needs kid too, and there is nothing gentle about how he goes to sleep. I have bruises from him kicking me in his continual fight against sleep. I've tried the dream feed as a means of eliminating the early morning feeds, but it hasn't worked often. It possibly would if DS wasn't continually teething (and such a hardcore teether at that!!) for the better part of the last 4 months. I would be interested to know if anyone has any other settling tips for intense babies! I know DS doesn't need the extra feeds (he's big!) but he's so difficult to calm down any other way.
Sorry to hear that things have been tricky for you too! Snap - on the bruises! Maybe we need another thread on dealing with high needs babies.
I am happy to report that things were much gentler last night. He woke for a feed at about 10.30pm. I still didn't want to settle but was more content with me just sitting at the end of his cot as he settled himself and fell asleep - he screamed if I tried to leave the room, but it was just a quiet grizzle if I was there. He then didn't wake until 5am - so I got about 6 hours of sleep!!! Yeah!!!
As for more tips - I might pop back later with some of the tips I was given at sleep school.
Do you dream feed? Does it work?
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that it is sleep.
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