When I got handed a gooey and squirming baby 2.5 years ago, she turned out to be the kind of baby that could suck a tennis ball through a garden hose, to borrow a crude analogy. Within her first 12 hours she'd literally sucked a chunk off one of my nipples - a bit went black and fell off. Eww.

Didn't take long to work out that she'd suck on ANYTHING, boobie or not. So we got her a dummy on the way home from the hospital before she sucked the life out of the fingers we were giving her as nipple substitutes, which believe me is an interesting exercise while driving when you're in the front seat and the sucking monster is in the back seat.

There was never any confusion between boobies and dummies. Hungry? Get that dummy away from me and give me BOOBIES, woman!