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Thread: Feeling guilty about thinking about weaning DS

  1. #1

    Default Feeling guilty about thinking about weaning DS

    My gorgeous little man is nearly 15months old and is still feeding. He has a feed for breakfast, sometimes after his afternoon sleep, bedtime and one or two overnight. I've always said that I'd let him b/f until he weaned himself but I'm finding that I'm starting not to enjoy it and I'm just absolutely exhausted. I'm just so tired. He is sitting here with me after his second feed for the night. I had four hours of broken sleep last night between him and his sister, I worked yesterday.
    I know that it is only the shortest time and before I know it he'll be all grown up but far out I haven't slept through the night in I don't know how long. DS has only slept through the odd night in the last few months. I'm worried about night weaning him as I don't think my supply will keep up or will it? I work three days a week so on those days he doesn't have his afternoon feed and he misses either his morning or bedtime feed depending which shift I'm working.
    I'm considering night weaning him before I completely wean him but I just can't do it because I feel so guilty. But surely after 15 months he can go a few hours without a b/f overnight surely!!!!
    How do I get over my guilt and night wean him? I know that this won't help getting him to sleep more overnight but at least DH will be able to help me out so I'll get the occassional nights sleep. I feel terrible about wanting to wean him so I can sleep .

    Sorry it's all over the place, it's 3.15am and I've had not even two hours sleep.

    TIA,
    Dan.


  2. #2

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    Hey Dan,

    Big hugs. You have done an amazing job feeding him so long, esp the night feeds!!

    Don't feel guilty - I night weaned my DD at 6mths, as I felt she was ready and I too was exhausted. She was feeding 4hrly, on the clock, and I just needed more sleep. And it'd only been 6mths not 15!!!

    You are right - he probably can go longer without feeds now, usually by 12mths breast milk isn't their main source of food, it's in addition to family foods. So if you are ready to wean, that's completely fine.

    It took us a while with DD, but basically it involved me using other settling techniques instead of the BB. It got harder before it got easier but we got there in the end.

    There's a really gentle night-weaning process by Dr Jay Gordon - if you google that, you can adjust it to suit your own circumstances. Give it a go!

    You could also try giving him cows milk during the day when he is looking for a bf, that might work.

    Hugs again hun... My new DS is only 10wks and I'm already looking forwards to when I can night wean...

  3. #3

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    i night weaned DD2 at 16 months and also used Jay Gordan she still feeds 3 times a day

  4. #4

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    Thanks OP and Olive. I was in tears all night last night. DS was up from 12 until 4.30am and he just wouldn't settle no matter what I did but of course he wouldn't go to DH because then he wouldn't have had his bb's. It is honestly just wearing me down and so draining. In the same breath I tell myself that I am going to night wean him then I think of when I do an afternoon shift we don't get our bedtime feed so the overnight one is our catch up so I don't feel like we are missing out on that time IYKWIM. I'm just so damn torn!! Am I going to be ok if night weaning him results with us ending our b/f relationship??

  5. #5

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    I'm googling it myself!!

  6. #6

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    I night weaned the twins at about 12 months because, like you, I was exhausted. It made a huge difference to how I felt, and I continued day feeding until 22 months. I had said I would feed until they didn't want it any more but they showed no signs of letting up so in the end the decision was mine. I felt incredibly guilty about my decision at the time, but in retrospect I am happy. I gave them a great start, as you have done, but there is only so long that I could go without a break.

    I suggest you offer him a drink of water when he wakes in the night. If he really needs the milk this will not settle him, but most likely he will learn it is not worth waking up for water and will start to sleep a bit longer.

    Good luck

  7. #7

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    Oh sweets great advice above hun, for us I weaned the night feeds and he eventually dropped off all feeds at around 17 mths but you just never know he may be happy with just a couple during the day. I think it's really important to get rest hun, yes it is a short time in their lives but you have 2 toddlers, are a working mama and you need more sleep. Maybe the bottle of water or dare I say it, milk in a bottle might tide him over at night and you can go back to bed?

  8. #8

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    :yeahthat:


  9. #9

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    don't feel guilty at all!! i'm thinking about nightweaning as well - DS is pretty much the same age as your little man. i know what you mean about it not necessarily stopping the night waking, but after almost 15 months of 5-7 wake ups a night, i'm feeling the need to do something as well. jay gordan has some lovely things to say about it all & i think if you read the info on his site, it will make you feel better about night weaning. it will lessen the guilt & show that you do deserve some time back.

    i think, too, that even if you bfing relationship does end (and not saying that it will), you will find new ways to bond with your DS & it will be a new stage in your relationship.

  10. #10

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    Firstly BIG hugs darl. I can completely understand the feeling of guilt and being torn over what it is the best decision.
    I'll share my experience. I BF DS overnight up until he was almost 12 months old. I had briefly stopped around 10 months but a terrible bout of pharyngitis and then being away on an extended holiday brought the night feeding back. I felt it was time to stop originally as he amped up his night feedings, so instead of having maybe one or two he was having up to 5. I was a complete zombie and felt like a different person. I didn't want to deny him but I was beginning to resent it and definitely wasn't enjoying it anymore. At this point he was still having 3 other feeds per day. I also was desperate to start TTC another baby and I hadn't gotten AF back yet so felt very under pressure in that respect. The first time I started night weaning it was really hard! I felt so guilty and kept remembering how it felt like we were the only people awake in the entire world...I almost caved many times but in the end it was the best thing I could've done. After a tough few nights he started sleeping 12 hours and was actually a happier kid in general. As I said I started feeding him again but as he got closer to 12 months I needed to wean for fertility. This time it only took a night of constant wake ups before he seemed to realise there was no more milk! Again it was the right decision as I got AF back on his birthday. At this point he has now dropped his breakfast and lunch feed, only has one before bed.
    Sorry for rambling! If it's right for you, that's all that matters. You have given him the best of you for almost 15 months 24/7. You sound like you're totally exhausted and in desperate need of a good nights sleep. Good old mother guilt hey?

  11. #11

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    There's no reason for guilt.
    Sometimes it works wonders for sleep, sometimes it doesn't. Just be warned. I night weaned DS at 14 months and he just switched to asking for food and kept waking up just as often. The one upside was that daddy could do that as well as me.
    It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and you're allowed to pick and choose when you feed him - he can deal with that, especially at this age. One night you want to do it to catch up, no worries. You don't the others, that's fine too.

  12. #12

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    Oh Marcellus I thought I would have to be firm and say "no" night feeds. It never occured to me that I could pick and choose. That might just be the answer. Oh well we'll see how that works anyway. He is going to stay with my parents for the weekend next weekend so that might make the decision for us. I've been reading ABA website and Jay Gordon website for some ideas on how to night wean. I need to talk to DH so we are on the same page and so he can help me.
    You ladies are fabulous, thank you for all your support, tips and help. It is greatly appreciated

  13. #13

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    Most people will probably say you have to, and honestly it will of course depend on your boy, but personally I think kids are a whole lot more adaptive than we sometimes give them credit for. They 'get' that sometimes it's different - like if mummy's been away all day, or if they're teething or sick, for eg.
    I did allow DS to feed overnight when he was sick and it didn't cause any issues.

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