Feeling a little overwhelmed, is it possible to BF and have my DH help?

[Lolpigs]

I'm 31 weeks next week and starting to feel a little overwhelmed by everything. Probably just everything starting to get more real and it all hitting home

This is my first baby.

One thing that has been getting me down the more I read about breastfeeding as it seems to be a soley mum to bub relationship. This makes me sad becuase my DH was really keen to help with the feeding. However the more I read it seems offering the bottle to bubs will/can interrupt the BF getting established etc.

I was wanting to know anyones thoughts from experiences with this? Can you introduce EBM so Dad can have some time with bub too? Or does that make it more difficult for BF longterm?

Your thoughts and feedback would be much appreciated.

[KitFaerie]

I needed lots of help from DH to get breastfeeding established, he was completely part of it! We called ourselves Team Breastfeed for the first 3 months, lol. He'd help me get the correct attachment by stroking DS's lip, he'd help me hold him (I had a c/s), pat his head if he was a bit fussy to be feeding, help me swap sides, grab 10,000 more pillows so we were comfy, take away the 10,000 pillows when they got in the way. Sometimes he'd lie beside us and stroke DS as he fed. Even now when I feed DS if DH is around he breaks off every so often and gives him a massive grin, and DH still comes and strokes his hair. Your DH can be as involved as you want, with or without EBM

[blessedatlast]

This is my personal opinion only and I have no experience just yet either lol but I think that if breastfeeding is important to you I think you should try to establish that before offering bottles. Dad can have time with bub with bathing and changing. That's my plan anyway.. EBM can always be tried down the track..

ETA: Kitfaerie, that sounds lovely

[Kazbah]

Lolpigs - We successfully b/f with formula for 6 months, and after that I think he self-weaned cause he was getting mostly bottle and DH wasn't following the regime.

Your DH could give bottle or cup, or even if he wanted to, hook up something similar to a fake boob for the EBM. What I would suggest though is definately getting hold of the ABA in your local area, and hanging out with the ladies there. There are classes pre-birth and support after to make it work for you. One of the best lessons I've learnt with feeding is that no matter if its bottle or breast, it's all a lot of work! (also, it would mean that babysitters would be able to give EBM no problems!)

So to answer your question - yes, he can. It's best for him to learn the way to give a bottle so as to not muck up the BFing relationship.

Good luck!

[trishalishous]

DH was in charge of burping, nappies and baths, plus was my waterboy and milo man.
He is so close to our daughter, its lovely

[Bern]

my bub is almost 4 months, we solely breastfeed, but i do pump some bottles for others to help with the feeding.

I havent had any issues with my supply, i pump about 1-2 hours after bub has a feed. Also when bub has a bottle i pump that feed out as well.

[beansbeans!]

DH was in charge of burping, nappies and baths, plus was my waterboy and milo man.
He is so close to our daughter, its lovely

Thats what we did. With DD1 we had to do ebm as well as breast in the beginning, so he got the ebm jobs and I got the sleep. Worked out well. But without ebm DH would get up with me, help me out with nappies, finding the tv remote then finding something other than infomercials on tv, and he would keep me awake whilst feeding too (pure exhaustion!)

As the girls have got older, and they had more awake time in the mornings, Dh would get up and play with them whilst I got some shut eye. Actually thats still our deal. I do the nights, admittedly its only the rare settling and finding them when they've got lost on the way to our room, but he still gets up with them in the morning and has his special time with them. I rarely have any idea what they get up to, but by the time I get up he's making brekky for us all!

GL, Im sure you will find what works for you both and your little one when the time comes. But feeding a child isnt the only way to bond with them, there are many ways thankfully!

[HotI]

There are plenty of jobs that can be Dad-specific. My DH has a jiggly knee which came in handy for burping and settling bub. He also took bub for walks around the block in a carrier tring to get her to sleep. Baths were his speciality in the early days, and are still his area when he is home.

[MantaRay]

There is a lovely saying that Dad's job is to show that love can come without food. I think most couples start out with the plan that they will share feeding, even if it's just one bottle feed at night so mum can sleep. And this does work for some, but most of us seem to find that the plan and reality a little different. For one thing, in the early weeks, you can't really miss a feed without feeling so full and uncomfortable that you would need to get up and express anyway. Plus at night breastfeeding settles the baby so much quicker, and the lovely hormones that you release while feeding help both you and baby to go back to sleep during, or straight after the feed. In fact studies have shown that mums get more sleep when baby is exclusively breastfed - surprising, isn't it! Even during the day, babies often prefer the breast so the lovely idea of dad helping with a bottle feed goes out the window as baby gets frustrated followed by the parents.

My suggestion would be just to see how things go. Plan that dad's special time with baby might be bathing, or going for a walk, or even just settling baby while you have a shower or rest. There are lots of special things that dads can do - in fact unsettled babies often sleep best on dad's chest. And feeding can be your special time. Breastfeeding is really the only thing that dad can't actually do - anything else can be shared. And if things are going really well with breastfeeding and the situation arises for dad to try a feed you can go with the flow. Things rarely go to plan with a new baby, so being flexible works really well.

All the best with it all. I'd love to hear how you're going once bub arrives.

[emc2]

Both my parents helped me out with it all.

One night we had nibblies while I was feeding bubs, for a couple of hours.

I wish I'd taken my Mum to the ABA class, rather than my ex though.

[peanutter]

DH did one of DS's feeds using EBM every day from birth.

DS learned to feed from both boob and syringe/cup when he was tiny, and then when he was bigger, cup and bottle.

We did not have any issues with b/f from this.

Every woman and baby is different - and we decided on this course of action because I was going back to work when DS was 9 weeks, and DH was going to be the fulltime carer, and we didn't want DS to have to adjust to not having me there during the day AND suddenly having to learn a new way of feeding all at once.

So we decided in advance what would work for our family. And it did

Expressing is a lot of work though - look into it thoroughly and decide whether it's for you.

And DH was involved in a thousand other ways - I would grab some cloth nappies and go to the feeding zone and get set up with cushions and a pillow and the nappies, and DH would bring in DS, and then come back with an enormous drink, and then between sides DH would change DS's nappy (to wake him up!) and then bring him back, and then get the expressing equipment ready for me while I fed DS from the other side ... then DH would burp DS and have a cuddle while I pumped, then I would have a cuddle and either set DS up for playtime or put him to bed while DH cleaned the expressing equipment ...

So even without the expressing, there are plenty of opportunities for DH to get involved, if you choose to bf exclusively

It's just a matter of deciding what works best for your family - and that will change from time to time.

It's all so wonderful

[onthefly]

I think it's best to play it by ear and see how you go. There are a great many things that dad can do aside from feeding. My DH is the master settler of upset babies, for example.
He did give DS a few bottles when he was little, but wasn't too fussed about the whole thing and, for me, it was a lot of work and not worth the effort. You might find it works fine for you, but I honestly think it's better to give yourself a few weeks, at least, before worrying about expressing, if only to save yourself the extra work. You'll have enough to do as it is.

[Lolpigs]

Thanks for all the posts It has made me feel a bit better. I'm really keen even if I BF for DH to be involved in all of it, so it is encouraging to hear so many varying opinions.

DH is taking 4 months off to be with me and bubs when born so I want him to make the most of the time.

Thank you

[onthefly]

Wow that's great you'll be doing it together for 4 months! Excellent.
Spending lots of time rocking your baby and soothing them in the middle of the night will help them bond really well

[~Hestia~]

My awesome DH knew more about correct attachment and breastfeeding than me in the early weeks! He really listened to all the advice (and more importantly remembered it ) and I could not have done it without him. So even though he wasn't doing any actual feeding he was there for every feed.

He is a very calm person and became an expert at resettling DS very quickly, especially during the night so I could just go back to sleep. Even now 2 years on, he is better at it than me! If DS wakes at night it's DH who goes to him because we both know he'll go back to sleep far quicker than if I go in (he just plays if it's me).

Good luck!

[Loveinamist]

What MadB said!

My DH helped me so much with breastfeeding. He cooked for me, brought me drinks, went out to buy chocolate biscuits and sat on the couch with me watching dvds while DS cluster fed! He was in charge of burping, cuddles and silly games. He also gave me a rest by taking the baby out in the sling for a walk while I had a shower or caught up on sleep. He also took charge of the 'morning routine' i.e. changing bub's first nappy of the morning and getting him dressed for the day. That gave me 15 minutes more sleep in the morning and I loved it!! In fact when I look back on the early days I did nothing but feeding and DH did everything else! So definitely hands on dad without having to feed him as well.

I did get a bit of pressure from family to let 'daddy bond' by giving a bottle of ebm. I spent hours pumping, ages sterilising bottles and having them ready and the first time I gave DH the bottle full of ebm he wasn't that fussed with it and I ended up having to feed DS straight after anyway because he was so frustrated with not having the 'real thing' So they both didn't enjoy the experience and it certainly didn't give me a break!!! Which was supposedly the intention!!! We never tried again. DH felt he didn't need to do it and felt sufficiently bonded with DS doing what he said 'Men are supposed to with babies.'