I'm bawling too. This is my story, almost word for word. Well the first part anyway. I was a formula mum with my first too, for almost all the same reasons, plus more.

And now I'm 6 weeks away from having twins and hoping desperately to be able to bf this time. The mind games are already killing me and they're not even here yet. Thank you for posting this and reminding me I'm not the only one.