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Thread: I need a breastfeeding cheer-squad.

  1. #1

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    Default I need a breastfeeding cheer-squad.

    Siiiiigggghhhh. Please excuse the following lament... I have a bad case of the winter blues. No energy at all and just the pervasive feeling that I DON'T WANNA.



    I have loved being able to breastfeed and knowing what benefits it has for my LO but lately I don't particularly enjoy it. She wriggles and hums and twiddles and pulls back... and now that she has the word 'boo' at her disposal, she is requesting to be fed about 20 times a day.

    On top of that I have absolutely NO libido. None. Nudda. I give DH just enough to keep his needs met but I never initiate and most of the time I really struggle to enjoy it. I'm really missing that intimacy and passion but since I've been breastfeeding I've totally lost my mojo.

    I was / am planning on feeding 'till DD is at least 2 but for the past few weeks, I'm really losing my will to stick with it. I know in my heart of hearts it really comes down to this lack of energy I'm feeling right now. There's a part of me that's feeling really selfish and wanting to protect any reserves I have left. Somewhere... hidden right now... there's gotta be that other part that wants to stick with it.

    So help me get past this slump... inspire me... I need a boost from you lovely ladies to keep me going.

  2. #2

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    Gotta do what feels right for you hun. If it makes you feel better- i'm the same when it comes to DTD.
    Good luck babe. x

  3. #3

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    You're doing an awesome job.
    I remember those times when it felt like it was too much but then you get over the hump and it's ok.
    I don't know that breastfeeding is the cause for the lack of libido - it's probably more likely to be motherhood in general not breastfeeding. Plenty of formula feeding couples have sexual issues.

    Well done on giving you baby such a great start.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by Onyx View Post
    Plenty of formula feeding couples have sexual issues.
    I don't know anything about breastfeeding, but I just wanted to back up this statement - I've FF'd all 3 of my babies, and have no libido, so it may not be just the breastfeeding that is doing it to you either

    I think you are doing an awesome job - FWIW.

  5. #5

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    I was nodding through your entire post thinking that's exactly how I feel so I hear ya Sista! I find the mantra "I'm giving my baby the best start in life by doing this" helps on those slump days. We just have to keep reminding ourselves that yes at the moment it does feel like we are feeding them for all eternity but in the scheme of things 2 years is nothing. I like to think in 5 years I'll look back on that time and be thankful for all I did.
    Chin up
    xo

  6. #6

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    I am paddling the same canoe as you atm. I have NO libido when BF'ing, although i did last month as i started ovulating. It lasted all of 24 hrs.
    It is so draining at times, and when you are getting constantly hounded for it it gets a bit tiring doesn't it? If DD starts wriggling or kicking, i say no and take her off and put her down. It drives me mad otherwise. I find she responds really well, if i put back on she lies still and just feeds.

    I have also been trying to distract her sometimes, and offering water a bit more. Not that i am trying to wean, but just trying to stop her asking for it every half an hour!

  7. #7

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    Gooooo Santosha!!

    What a fabulous effort so far, 16 mths! I bf for four years and my libido did return, especially once DD was not interrupting us all night. You can be assertive when bfing, 20 times a day (if it's getting a bit much) is where you're at now, but cutting it back might help your enthusiasm to continue for longer. Try distracting your DD with a fun toy or a drink in a special cup or something at those times you don't really *feel* like bfing. Your LO is also coming to you for reassurance as she finds more of her own independence (which won't change, however she's been fed).

    Sounds like she has a close attachment to you, her Mummy, and that is a very healthy thing for her developmentally. What a great job you've done!

  8. #8

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    Cheering Cheering (can't work out how to do the smiley)

    Someone told me the weather will improve next week! I am hanging out for that - I hear you on the winter slump - worst winter we have had since moving to Melbourne (only 3rd one :-)) - DH says he wants to move to Gold Coast- but we have settled on just making sure we book for a week away somewhere warm next July. All this from an English girl who should be used to bad weather!!!!

  9. #9

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    You've come to the right place! You have done wonderfully
    Our feelings about breastfeeding tend to wax and wane over time and admitting sometimes you'd rather be doign something else is fine. The good news for you now is that since she's older you can do something else if you really feel the need, like Jen has suggested. It's also fine to set boundaries if you need to - fiddling means no milk, or no more than x feeds in an afternoon, or whatever works for you. It's about finding a compromise that can meet both your needs. Again, this gets easier as they get older.

    You're at a low right now and maybe it's time for some serious me time. Can you plan something nice for yourself to recharge? You've earned a break.

  10. #10

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    You can do it! *cheer cheer* I guess you could write down what is most important to you about feeding now, and that might give you some direction? (eg, if the benefits of milk are your priority, then perhaps you could consider offering water sometimes - not suggesting that's what you should do, just giving an example of how you might find ways to continue towards your goal without feeling too overwhelmed.)
    I know you can think of something, a way to make it through your motivation hump, and a way to reach your goals.

  11. #11

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    You've gotten some fabulous advice from those who have been there and done that, and are in that place right now. Mothering is a tough gig. Constant demands and gloomy weather are going to sap your enthusiasm for everything - however you feed your baby. sometimes we just have days like that.
    I don't know if I shoudl branch out into giving advice, but sometimes it's worth *just doing it*. Even if it seems like an effort, I've found that once you get into it, it's a lot nicer than you thought. And like a lot of things, the more you have the more you want. Plenty of lube helps! Don't necessarily wait for a *private moment* - just grab an opportunity and have a laugh if you get disturbed. And, it all passes. It seems like they are at your breast and in your bed forever, but then you blink and they've grown up. You are doing a very special thing breastfeeding your little one.

  12. #12

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    Good on you for breastfeeding this far! What an amazing effort and when I think about it, no wonder sometimes breastfeeding can be difficult - look at what a great bonding experience and how beneficial it is for your LO. Are you taking any multivitamins or iron tablets or anything to help with your energy levels? Also.....just a thought, do you think because in your head you are/were so set on BF until your DD is 2 and now you are feeling run down that feels like SO far away and it's just taking it's toll? Whatever you decide, congratulations on making it this far and make sure you make the best decision for you both.

  13. #13

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    Oh I love you girls. No seriously... I love you. That was EXACTLY what I needed to read. I felt a bit silly putting that little whinge out there but your responses gave me just the validation, encouragement, information and resolve that I need right now.

    I don't feed DD every time she asks... we have a bit of a vague feeding routine, though I'll feed on demand if she's feeling particularly insecure, is sick or needs comfort. It's just the requests / demands / big sooks on refusal that are wearing. I do try and set some limits around mucking around too, but I've noticed that I'm a bit inconsistent with her and I'm giving her mixed messages - ie sometimes I have the energy to play along, blow rasberries on her hand or chat to her about being a little wriggle-bot (!!) and other times I get fed up and tell her to stop. Need to shape up on this me-thinks.

    It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one with libido issues (though sucks for all of us I guess!). I do try and just 'do it anyway' and sometimes this ends in me actually enjoying myself. Other times though... well it's just 'ho hum'! I had assumed that it was BF related as it shifted SO dramatically since bub was born. I'm only vaguely interested once a month and I'm sure that coincides with ovulation. Hmmm... my body seems to be saving my energy only for the practical uses of DTD!!

    I stopped taking a supplement a while back and I agree, low iron or other minerals could be bringing me down. Should also seriously put in for a bit of me time - need some winter nurturing.

    I do love that we can have this special bond and that I can nourish her this way physically and emotionally. I will stick with it... (and pray for sunshine!!). Thankyou, thankyou and thankyou girls again. You are an awesome cheersquad!

  14. #14

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    You're doing a fabulous job! 16 months is a wonderful amount of time..... just keep going!!!

    Sue xxx

  15. #15

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    you are doing a amazing job huni. you can do it. i agree with taking multi vitamins. i really hope you start feeling better soon xox

  16. #16

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    Hi Santosha,
    i just wanted to add that my ds2 is a couple of months older than your dd (feb 09) and i wrote a post about being hassled to bf about 2 months ago. i was completely over it! he was asking (or i should really say, demanding) all the time and it was completely doing my head in.
    Luckily a couple of wise BBers came to my aid and talked me through it all. Now things are soooooo much better. He is pretty much going all day without a feed now, and doesn't really start asking for it until about 4pm which is suiting me much better iykwim? i don't feel like he's on my boob all day and i'm actually really enjoying bfing again. my plan now is also to go till he's 2yo
    so, what i'm saying is, just hang in there hun! she may just be going through a bit of a stage and you might find it all settles down a little bit in a couple of months. you're doing a great job, and giving your girl the absolute best start to life. well done

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