Bubno3 - thanks for your post. I have tried telling DD very firmly "no you need to sit here so Mummy can eat her meal then you can go down" but she won't cooperate and just keeps screaming and it is not enjoyable to sit there while she's having her moment so it's just easier and less stressful for everyone, if we just put her down. If she doesn't want to eat, then she misses out I guess. I'm not going to fight with a 1yr old who is not capable of 'reasoning' at this age yet.... and let's face it, some kids are more 'strong willed' than others, ie my DD is one of them!!!

Kim - thanks Kim. good way of looking at it.

well tonight's dinner was a SUCCESS! First dinner in ages that didn't involve back arching or screaming or whatever! We took the tray off the ikea highchair and pushed her up against the dining table (its similar height) and she could eat off the plate that was on the table.... she felt like a big kid sitting with us I guess LOL!!!
AND she ate more than she usually does!! Yeah success.!
That is what we are going to do from now on!