Suggestions for weaning my 2 year old

[Reet]

As the title suggests I am looking for suggestions on how to wean my almost 2 year old DD. She is absolutely booby obsessed, she would be happy feeding hrly throughout the day and night if I allowed her, some lazy days, that's exactly what happens! I am starting to feel as though it is becoming time to wean though... I want my cycle to return regularly because I really would love to fall pregnant! Also, I conceived my DD using the fertility drug Clomid because I had issues from being on the pill for 10+ years, my gyno said as soon as I wean he will be happy for me to take it again. This would be ideal as my DH works away 3 weeks out of every month so I would be able to plan flights etc at definite O time for my DD and I to go and see him. (Yes desperate I know!!)

So, what I would love to know is how did you wean your booby obsessed 2 year old? What are your tips and tricks? Did you take it slowly or go cold turkey? Shld I try and get feeds down to 1 in the morning and 1 at night for a while? Could you still bed share? Were they miserable for a few weeks? (I really don't want to break my happy DDs little spirit!) And lastly, how long until they forgot about wanting to feed?

I am considering going cold turkey because I have had her day weaned for a couple months in the past but then I got tired of constantly having to distract her..she never forgot about it so I began feeding her roughly 3 times during the day again. Then last month with my DHs help we had her night weaned but once he went away again after about a week we fell back into our old habits of feeding pretty much all night.

I also feel like it confuses her when I say no to her sometimes but yes at other times.

If you girls tell me that the weaning process is a huge battle that goes on for longer then 7 days then I know I won't be able to do it and I will just continue breastfeeding... I am feeling so torn about this whole thing. There's a HUGE part of me that will be heartbroken if I stop but then I know I probably won't ever want to stop and sadly she will wean eventually!

I always imagined weaning would be a natural process from both parties, I thought I would get to the point where I would want DD to stop but instead with every month that passes I love it more and more! And she does too! Is this normal??!

Do I just suck up my want and need to fall pregnant again and continue breastfeeding for another few months and hope that she does it naturally?! (REALLY can't see this happening!!)

I'm so sorry this is all over the place, thankyou so much for any advice! xx

[onthefly]

Argh, you do sound conflicted about all this.
So, is the main reason you're wanting to wean so you can conceive? Have you looked into taking clomid while breastfeeding? It may well be possible - you can check with rodney white and monash for eg, if you haven't already.
Going slow is generally best - for both mother and child. It's a big upheaval, both physically and emotionally. Many mothers surprised at the very strong feelings that weaning elicits in them, even when it's something they really want. And of course it's hard for the little ones. Your daughter knows what's good for her and sounds willing to fight for it. Good on her - it's a good quality to have, really. But, of course, the breastfeeding relatinoship has to work for the two of you.
I guess it's good to bear in mind that 2 is still quite young to wean, biologically speaking, so we shouldn't be surprised when they resist. I've been trying to cut my daughter back for a while and it's still a bit of a battle! I'm not trying to completely wean, however, so it's a bit different.
There's a weaning toddler article on the ABA website. You could also give the helpline a call for some more ideas. Perhaps if you're able to set some limits you could find a compromise? You cut back enough to get your cycles sorted, but you both get to continue your breastfeeding relationship.

On the fertility/medical side of things, perhaps you could talk some more with your carer about why it would be necessary to wean completely? OLr even consider getting a 2nd opinion? Different doctors often tell mums different things, as this is an area quite lacking in good information.

Good luck! It sounds like you've been doing the 'right' things, but that it's a bit extra hard for you with your partner away so much. Sometimes it really is better to just do the easy thing and try again later. Take care

[Cherished]

Hi hon, I'm doing this right now actually. Here's a thread I started about trying out a toddler bed instead of co-sleeping. I started actively weaning off the boobie about a month and a half ago now. I started by telling DS (also totally boobie obsessed!) that my milk was running out and that he should save it for just sleep times. During the day he has special Koko milk (a glass bottle filled with organic rice milk that has a color picture of Koko the train from Chuggington on it). He LOVED this idea! However there were plenty of tears and times where he wanted mummies milk. You just need to be strong and talk to your little one. with some reasoning they understand the concept of 'running out'. Personally it would have been very traumatic for us and DS to go cold turkey and that's not something that we considered. I did have it down to just nap time and bed time and thought that it would be smooth sailing from then on in as within a week or so he was asking for Koko milk during the day. But then teething happened and for a week I allowed him to be on the boobie all the time which I think confused him. But today he's been pretty good. He knows what the go is now. Good luck with it, it's hard :'(

[BellyBelly]

How To Wean Your Baby or Toddler - A Respectful Approach to Weaning

[NicNac]

I can really only answer one of your questions from personal experience.
I weaned my then 21 month old DD so that I could use clomid to fall pregnant (noting I just went with the fertility specialists advice to not take clomid and breastfeed, however as MadB recommended, in hindsight, I would definitely look into it further). My DD however was only on one feed a day at that stage.
While i was pregnant DD asked maybe ten times if she could have some booby, to which i replied there was no milk but she could have some when they got milk in them. In the six weeks since DS has been born, DD asks maybe every second day if she can have booby (usually while DS is on them), and I tell her she can have some after her brother. She usually forgets and if I remind her she brushes me off. A couple of times I managed to convince her to get on my lap and she has put her mouth on my breast but not in a way to get milk. When I try to attach her properly, she won't have a bar of it and she strangely almost seems embarrassed by it. I was really hoping she would start again, but I haven't pushed it........ seems she has been okay with the weaning, but i haven't!!!

[~phyrephly~]

Oh Reet, I feel for you.

I'm on day 8 of weaning. Well aiming for weaning. Weaning for DS and I started when I went back to work full time (if you don't count when he started solids). DS would feed when I got home, after his shower then feed to sleep and all night thereafter. I was exhausted, even though we co slept. My body was in pain for being in two sleeping positions only. DP was getting ancy that he wanted some alone overnight bed time with me. So we started to cut back. I cut all overnight feeds at once. That's been hard. I've been running on very little sleep as I have to settle DS without boob, which means rocking, bouncing, singing, holding, etc. He has one feed around 5am and another after his shower at night before bed around 7.30pm. He asks for it in between, I explain that boobies are sleeping (making sure that after a feed I tell him to say night night to boobies). He's generally ok with that but if he is tired he will get upset for a while. He also has needed alot more closeness and attention as that intimate feeding bond is changing.

Yes it makes me sad too I have loved feeding him but I do feel the time is right for change. My period has been back for about 5 months now, so fertility is no issue here and we arent TTC.

[Reet]

Thankyou girls!! I will write back tomorrow once I'm on my laptop, takes me forever on my phone! But the one thing I have decided is to take it slow and put some 'rules' in place... I might try and get the nightweaning sorted while Dh is here to sleep with her for the next week, then atleast I can enjoy the feeds we have during the day for a while longer one question, how do I say no boobie at night wen I am putting her to sleep by feeding her at night?! Is it confusing for them?? Shld I just say boobies are sleeping wen she wakes up for it?? Thanks x

[HotI]

Rather than say 'no' i liked to say 'you can have a drink in the morning when the sun gets up' (or whenever you decide) but i can give you a cuddle now' - but give a specific time when you will be available to feed.

[onthefly]

yes, make it a positive statement about when it's ok. She'll probably get upset and cry, but you're still there for her to comfort her in other ways. I really don't think it's confusing at allk, it's just that if they want something they'll push for it regardless

[~phyrephly~]

one question, how do I say no boobie at night wen I am putting her to sleep by feeding her at night?! Is it confusing for them?? Shld I just say boobies are sleeping wen she wakes up for it?? Thanks x

That took a while for me to master DP put DS down by singing. He did it for 5 nights and then I tried. The first time I did it, it took 2 hours I sang to him, gently stroked his legs and arms. He asked for boobies and I told him they were sleeping and would wake when the sun came up. DUring the night if he asks I remind him, "remember, boobies are sleeping, you can have some when they wake up when the sun gets up". He has gotten used to going to sleep without boobies. I stopped feeding him to sleep in the bedroom and started giving him his last feed in the lounge room after his shower so he didnt associate bed with boob.

ELizabeth Pantley and Dr Jay Gordon have some lovely gentle weaning advice for co sleepers

[Mildez]

I went cold turkey 10days ago with my DD. There have been moments which have been very difficult for both of us but as a whole experience it hasn't been to bad. I've gone cold turkey with all 3 of mine after attempts to reduce or wean have not worked. My eldest was 2.5yrs and my two younger girls 22-23months. I weaned my middle DD as I wasn't falling pregnant after a year of trying and with DD3 I have been sick of it for a while now. I didn't set out to wean her its just after 2 days of her not BF due to been really busy and my work I thought we are 2days in so I will keep going. I basically just woke up thought my boobs were filling and decided now is the time.

What has helped for me is for the last few months I have been working alot of evenings so DH is use to putting DD to sleep and she has learnt to go to sleep with Dad without boobies. I always fed her to sleep so this really helped at night. The worst was at the 10am feed and when she was distressed for what ever reason boobie suddenly wasn't there. For the first week unless we were not home she would cry on and off for about 2hrs which was aweful so she would eventually crash from exhaustion hours after she normally would have had her day sleep. Overnight she would ask for it and I would tell her boobies are sore. As I haven't been BF much overnight for sometime now (once or twice maximum) we didn't struggle with that part.

Although you said your going to do it slowly just thought I would add its a horrible feeling when your boobs get full and sore. So doing it over a few months would hopefully reduce the likely hood of that. Its been 10days for me and although they are comfortable now if I oush on my boob milk will come squirting out like a garden hose.

From a fertility point of view I went cold turkey about CD2 or 3 and noticed already (Ive just O'd) a massive increase in CM and my libido is much higher. I am also suddenly covered in pimples. So just in a short time I feel more fertile then I did whilst BF although my cycle returned well over a year ago now and has been fairly regular since. I expected to see changes more slowly then I have. For me it was basically instant.