Very over sensitive vent

[~clover~]

I don't want to offend any formula feeding mum's out there, so please don't read too much into any of this. Just a sooky winge.

We've been friends with this couple for about 9 years. Met them around the time I concieved DD1.
DH knew them through high school though.

Anyway, I have DD1, fully intending to breastfeed her til she's 6 months old, if not longer. But with lack of support, as noone around me bfed & I knew nothing about it, after 6 weeks of painful feeding, another 4 weeks of expressing non stop, I put her on formula.

Then DD2 comes along. Over the first 5 weeks I had more pain, cracks, bleeding & thrush, so I just give up. Again having no idea there is a such thing as a lactation consultant, noone suggested I ring the ABA, no help anywhere.

In this time these friends have a little girl & she BF's her DD til she is 7 months old, then switches to formula coz she feels she's not eating well enough & its draining too much energy. TBH there was alot of jelousy, but nothing major. I hated that she could feed her DD with not one single problem. No pain, no cracks, no thrush. Not even getting used to it pain. I felt it was so unfair.

Then I had DS. Again the pain started straight away, but I was determined. I couldn't fail another one of my babies. I struggled through the first 6 weeks with thrush, (I now think) vasospasm, blocked ducts & all sorts of things. I tried so hard, but hen went & bought FF to have a break. I was only going to give him 1 a day, but the fear of the pain of attatchment was so overwhelming I gave up. He was on FF for 3 days straight when I rang the mchn in tears & sad I needed help. PND was hitting severly & I felt horrible.

After her letting me know she was here to support me no matter what, either way, she rang the closest LC for me. 2 hours away. She & I both chatted to the LC over the phone & decided on some things to try. That was my turning point. Our BF relationship lasted almost 2 years, til the sensitivity this from pregnacy got too much & I weaned him.

Ok, so 2.5 weeks ago these friends have their second little girl. They had relationship problems & even though they'd taken about 8 months to finally conceive her, a termination was considered (by her & the only way I could describe it was out of spite towards him). He longed for this baby & wants more & is a great father. Does everything, as well as work so its easier for her.

Anyway, again she breast feeds with not an issue. The day after the birth she's a bit overwhelmed with the amount of feeding she's doing & says she'll give it about a month & if she's not sleeping better she'll put her on the bottle. I reassured her things would get better & over the days let her know all the normal things with bfing. 2 hourly, cluster feeding, all the things that happen that I didn't know much about.

Now bub is in a much better routine, every 2 hours or so through the day, then mostly 4 hours overnight. No interest in letting bubs do the cluster feeding though, just gives a dummy for as long as possible.

Then this morning over the phone she tells me she bought formula. She's had enough. Its too draining, she's tired & needs sleep. I'm just so frusterated!

The poor kid is only 2 weeks old! You plan a baby, try for 8 months to have one, finally get her, but aren't prepared to put in the sleepless nights that come with it. I've told her that switching to FF won't necessarily get her sleeping better, since I think she's sleeping really well for a NB!! But, whatever.

As DH said, its her baby, its her choice. I know that very well, it just hurts so much that she doesn't get how easy she has it. She just doesn't seem to care.

As I said, very oversensitive vent. If anyone reads, thanks. I just had to get it out, coz I know I'm facing the same struggles for a 4th time & its hard to think about.