I'm going to go out on a limb here and share with you all my experience in hopes that helps bridge the gap that I feel causes a lot of anger and guilt from both sides of the fence.

With my first child I read books I educated myself as best I could I joined a parenting forum and I surrounded myself with people whom I thought were educated and experienced. I was very lucky in that even though I had a c/s and often complications can arise with milk coming in and latching vs positions I was able to feed quite easily. My milk came in within 24 hours, we had no real latching problems (other than the usual latching issues that arise for new bubs & new mums). I was at a hospital that was pro breastfeeding I thought everything was going great. I got home and I had over active let down a baby with reflux (in a time where dr's didn't really offer solutions for reflux ie. medications AR forumula etc). Because of the reflux and the over active let down we went through weeks of screaming. We went to our GP and they referred me to a paed. The paed saw the pain she was in checked a nappy and told me it was a form of gastro and that as a result my daughter was now suffering from lactose intolerance and needed to go on soy formula for a couple of weeks for her digestive system to settle down so that she could then go back on the breast. Being new parents and wanting what was best for our baby we did what our paed told us. Our MCHN had copies of all the paed's reports etc and it wasn't till we saw the MCHN we have now that she read it and shook her head and said he had it all wrong. We had a baby with reflux who had normal breastfeeding BM but we had been totally misdiagnosed. Anyway we fought to get her to take a bottle 24 hours of hell. She finally did and she still cried for the breast every time she went near me only wanting to take a bottle from my husband. She was on the bottle for 2 weeks. And at first I thought it was great no more screaming, somewhat happy baby (although still refluxy) and things seemed to be going well. So we tried to reintroduce the breast. She wouldn't take it, we had LC's I spent days at the hospital with feeding tubes and skin to skin contact, baths you name it we did it. It got to the point that the LC told us it was impacting on her psychologically, that you could tell that because if you held her anywhere near your chest or in a nursing position she would scream the house down. The LC told us we needed to make a decision that was best for us, and sometimes you have to know when you've had enough. And we had got to that point. So I expressed for a few months, we hired an electric pump and I took tablets to help with my supply. Then I got cracked nipples and realised that spending 8 hours a day attached to a machine was not a good quality of life for me or my daughter so we switched to formula. I was devastated. For years I was convinced we did the right thing (we didn't know the paed had given us wrong information) that I had tried everything possible, and if someone challenged me I would take that as a judgement. I would hate going to shopping centres and using baby rooms for all these women breastfeeding and here I was heating up a bottle of artificial milk because *I* couldn't breastfeed. And I'd get those looks or the questions "How come you aren't breastfeeding?" 'Oh you bottle feed" as though I was some disappointment to the human race. Like I was abusing my child. Then I thought to myself you know what I did what I could the very best I could, maybe someone else could have done better I don't know but *I* did the best that *I* could and that was enough. I had convinced myself that if I couldn't breastfeed my next baby that would be ok, some mothers can't breastfeed and thats just the way life is. Then as time went on we started thinking about TTC #2, I joined a website called BellyBelly (you might know it) and I started to become educated all over again. Then I started to learn more, I met a new MCHN who told me a few home truths about the lack of support and care I received. About how I should have been told how to manage overactive letdown and reflux and that would have helped. These things I didn't know. But you know what? Instead of blaming myself I thought to myself... why don't people know this stuff? Why is it that 3 different medical professionals think 3 different things? How can this be right. Then I had my son. And we started feeding again, and I had over active letdown and he had reflux (no way near as bad as paris luckily), but because of the things I had learnt I tried new things new ways and I noticed that things started working and I enjoyed it. I still had times where I would stress over his latch, or his weight gain, or the reflux etc But I persevered and I breastfed for just over 12 months until he self weaned. It wasn't always easy (even being a second child) but I knew what to expect. I knew about the steak & cheese cry, I knew that some babies needed a little bit extra help to latch, I knew that sometimes with overactive letdown you need to feed differently. And I realised that when I had my daughter I really wasn't that informed. I knew the basics but I didn't know the stuff that really mattered. It baffled me that there are books on what to expect when expecting... but where was the section or better yet the book that said "what to expect when breastfeeding".

I have heard so many stories over the years from friends and people who say they chose formula because they had no choice because they had to do what was best for their baby. And when someone brings up something to suggest that there might have been another way they get angry and defensive and feel persecuted. And I know I was exactly the same... exactly. But I think its moreso people want to share their knowledge they don't tell you so you can feel like an idiot who was uneducated. But the thing is we shouldn't have to tell each other, we should know. We should know before we conceive. And if a mother decides she doesn't like the steak & cheese cry, or she doesn't feel comfortable breastfeeding or she prefers the option of formula she shouldn't be ridiculed or mocked. And at the same time a woman who chooses to breastfeed her baby at a family function or a cafe shouldn't be scoffed at. The problem is our parents didn't have the information we have today. And we have the information but not everyone has access to it, or access to all of it. We should know all this stuff so that if you see someone who has a formula fed baby and they say "I chose to use forumal because I was more comfortable with that option" or whatever your reason is it will be accepted and not challenged because everyone knows the benefits, the trials and tribulations and the techniques for breastfeeding and everyone has the support to breastfeed if they choose to. We live in an information hungry era and people are just as passionate to share the information as they are to get it. But sometimes that gap that small tiny gap leaves FF mothers feeling like monsters, and BF mothers feeling like hippies or nipple nazi's. When the reality is neither is the reality. So next time someone accuses you of being a nipple nazi, or next time someone accuses you of being uneducated think about what they have been through. Think about their motive. Very rarely do people say and do things because they want you to feel bad. Usually its because they've had a bad experience or because they want to help. And just because you BF/FF doesn't mean you can't support or accept the other side. I prefer breastmilk for my children if they can get it, and I'm sure if it came down to it and we had some way of having breasmilk on tap everyone would choose that option for their child. But if someone chooses formula it doesn't mean they are ignorant or care less for the safety of their child. It just means they made the decision that was best for them. BUT and this is a big but, we need more education, we need this stuff to be taught in schools to be part of our every day life. So that when our children have their own children feeding guilt is a thing of the past. And inconsistent information is a thing of the past. Formula pushing chemists and medical professionals is a thing of the past. I do believe that this is the only way we will step forward. And I do think no matter how you feed your child we can do it united.

*hugs*
Cailin